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The Fishpants

@thefishpants.bsky.social

3.2K followers 2.8K following 680 posts

Obscure References, Fart Jokes and Swears* *ᵃⁿᵈ ᵒᶜᶜᵃˢᶦᵒⁿᵃˡ ˢᵘʳᵖʳᶦˢᵉ "ᵖᵉⁿᶦˢ" My Best Jokes (Allegedly): https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:c7efvddpc6qlokhzdkcpphwg/feed/aaaeubvvn5rcm All: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaahooxkl375u

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The Fishpants @thefishpants.bsky.social · Nov 14

A Hellboy sequel where he finally grows up to be Hellman so he can take over the family mayonnaise business

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Kris Wernowsky @kriswernowsky.com · 3d

One of the founders of Antifa out on the town having the time of his life with his girlfriend. She’s just out of frame, laughing too.

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RiotGrlErin @riotgrlerin.bsky.social · 3d

i mean honestly if i wanted to do a murder i’d just wait for the person to take a bath; throw a toaster in that bitch and walk away.

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Shenanigans @shenanigans.bsky.social · 5d

Truly a horrible time to be literate

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John Moe @johnmoe.bsky.social · 6d

When musicians don’t know how to end a song, they just fade out. I think other writers should do that too. Sketch comedy, screenwriting, playwrights. Have everyone talk softer and softer as they slowly sneak off stage.
Novelists can end chapters with gradually shrinking type.

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Merriam-Webster @merriam-webster.com · Aug 15

The SPEAKER implies.

The LISTENER infers.

The DUDE abides.

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Fun @funkelly.bsky.social · 11d

hey, everyone! im gonna be signing guitars at the sherman oaks guitar center tomorrow from 3pm until they call the cops to have me removed. come say hi!

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 9d

Shutdown: The Musical

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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 10d

Everyone: Hello, we would like society to improve.

Billionaires: Too bad, go scream into the void instead.

Everyone: Okay.

Billionaires: Also, we have bought all the voids. It now costs $100 to scream into the void.

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It's ME(Jaime) @exceedhergrasp1.bsky.social · 10d

evergreen

Karl Bode @karlbode.com · 10d

anyway what a golden era for opportunistic invertebrates

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Emma Bolden @emmabolden.bsky.social · 12d

adulthood is like you wake up and someone is like “that will be $500”

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Satchel Charge @satchelcharge.bsky.social · 11d

I must return to my protected enclosure with haste

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 10d

I just quit a book three pages in when I reached a second misspelling because I expect books to be smarter than me goddammit

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thunk2much @thunk2much.bsky.social · 10d

I too would like to shut down due to incompetence

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The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 11d

i will pay one of you in currency and erotic poetry to capture and remove all the bees inside my head

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Professor SweetPants @ygrene.bsky.social · 11d

[somberly sitting down at the kitchen table with my wife of twenty years] babe i have gathered you here today because i would like to grow a mullet

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo @smooheed.bsky.social · Aug 20

HR: we’ve had some complaints about your Gollum impersonations, they’re disruptive and quite frankly, terrible

Me: *falls to the floor* it burns us, it burns us

HR: …

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Paranormal Warren G. Harding Activity @popeawesomexiii.bsky.social · 11d

A little nervous you guys, she told me the safeword is worcestershire

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The Fishpants @thefishpants.bsky.social · 11d

Due to racism, all the zebras in very old movies were played by horse actors in blackandwhiteface.

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respectful huff @alexqarbuckle.bsky.social · 12d

DON DRAPER: I grew up in a haunted house. I would put out bowls of spaghetti and tell visitors it was guts. Grapes, eyeballs. One of the older boys, who would lunge at people in a wolfman mask, looked after me. The only time I wasn’t scared was when I was eating Reese’s Pieces.

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 11d

He's a 10, but it's in binary

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The Fishpants @thefishpants.bsky.social · 12d

This is going to be FUCKING HILARIOUS

Check out the article here, I'm telling you
Comedy gold nuggets within

emptywheel @emptywheel.bsky.social · 12d

Suing Donald Trump pro se for $40 trillion dollars is the way all Jan6ers should be spending their pardons, as the QShaman is.

www.phoenixnewtimes.com/news/phoenix...

QAnon Shaman says he’s rightful president, sues Trump for $40 trillion

In a rambling complaint, Jacob Chansley claims DJs are spies, that the NSA stole his work for a Batman movie and more.

www.phoenixnewtimes.com

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Shaun (of the dead) 🧟‍♂️ @bigbadnailbiter.bsky.social · 12d

Speak with your inside voice and carry a massive fuck off stick

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Eric Replatformed @21stcenturyeric.bsky.social · 13d

Nettie Pots: Feed a cold, starve the flu and waterboard allergies.

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