Pencil Bandits
@pencilbandits.bsky.social
artisanal selectors of just the right words, 94% human.
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NEW: I ran 80,000 simulations of the election. My wife left me for a guy who doesn’t do that.
November 5, 2024 at 3:56 PM
NEW: I ran 80,000 simulations of the election. My wife left me for a guy who doesn’t do that.
He used to wear bronzer, last week it was shoe polish, and now it's just full-on black face.
*My aides say I can't talk about hitting women.*
Trump on MIchelle Obama: "Am I allowed to hit her now? ... she said bad about me, I can't hit back?"
November 4, 2024 at 7:40 PM
He used to wear bronzer, last week it was shoe polish, and now it's just full-on black face.
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closing arguments:
Musk - we will ruin you economically
Johnson - we will kill you
Trump - we will ruin you, kill you, subordinate you to Russia, China & North Korea, mock you, muzzle you, and send the military to hunt you in the street if you don’t like it and we haven’t already deported you
Musk - we will ruin you economically
Johnson - we will kill you
Trump - we will ruin you, kill you, subordinate you to Russia, China & North Korea, mock you, muzzle you, and send the military to hunt you in the street if you don’t like it and we haven’t already deported you
Trump tried to repeal Obamacare in 2017 and it failed by one vote in the Senate. Mike Johnson promises if he wins, they will do it for real nymag.com/intelligence...
Helping Kamala Harris, Mike Johnson Vows to Kill Obamacare
The last things Trump wants swing voters in Pennsylvania to think about are his past and future plans to wreck the health-care system.
nymag.com
October 30, 2024 at 7:29 PM
closing arguments:
Musk - we will ruin you economically
Johnson - we will kill you
Trump - we will ruin you, kill you, subordinate you to Russia, China & North Korea, mock you, muzzle you, and send the military to hunt you in the street if you don’t like it and we haven’t already deported you
Musk - we will ruin you economically
Johnson - we will kill you
Trump - we will ruin you, kill you, subordinate you to Russia, China & North Korea, mock you, muzzle you, and send the military to hunt you in the street if you don’t like it and we haven’t already deported you
That McDonalds fryolater really gave him a nasty face burn
Look. At. Trump's Face. This is from his rally last night. My god.
October 30, 2024 at 5:12 PM
That McDonalds fryolater really gave him a nasty face burn
Money is wasted on the rich
Elon Musk's sperm is available to any woman who wants it, as well as some who don't, according to a new NYT report on Elon Musk building a multi-mansion compound in an affluent neighborhood of Austin:
Elon Musk Is Offering People His Sperm While Creating a Family Compound in Texas
Elon Musk wants to donate sperm to friends and acquaintances as he expands his family in an Austin, Texas compound to combat falling birth rates.
www.rollingstone.com
October 29, 2024 at 11:15 PM
Money is wasted on the rich
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As a writer I understand the ppl against cancelling subscriptions bc it only hurts the staff. But Bezos hurt the paper's role as independent and pro-democracy. So of course consumers want to cancel, just like they would if their Omaha Steaks turned out to be full of worms.
The ripple effect of Jeff Bezos’ decision to block The Washington Post from endorsing a presidential candidate continues to reverberate through the newspaper, as a tidal wave of readers cancel their subscriptions and nearly one-third of the Post’s editorial board steps down in protest.
Three Washington Post editorial board members step down amid wave of canceled subscriptions over non-endorsement | CNN Business
The ripple effect of Jeff Bezos’s decision to block The Washington Post from endorsing a presidential candidate continues to reverberate through the newspaper, as a tidal wave of readers cancel their ...
www.cnn.com
October 28, 2024 at 11:26 PM
As a writer I understand the ppl against cancelling subscriptions bc it only hurts the staff. But Bezos hurt the paper's role as independent and pro-democracy. So of course consumers want to cancel, just like they would if their Omaha Steaks turned out to be full of worms.
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Since 2017, the 15 largest corporate beneficiaries of Trump's tax cuts have spent $839 billion on stock buybacks.
These buybacks didn't create more jobs, increase wages, or grow the economy — but they did juice CEO pay.
Nothing trickled down to workers.
These buybacks didn't create more jobs, increase wages, or grow the economy — but they did juice CEO pay.
Nothing trickled down to workers.
October 28, 2024 at 12:34 AM
Since 2017, the 15 largest corporate beneficiaries of Trump's tax cuts have spent $839 billion on stock buybacks.
These buybacks didn't create more jobs, increase wages, or grow the economy — but they did juice CEO pay.
Nothing trickled down to workers.
These buybacks didn't create more jobs, increase wages, or grow the economy — but they did juice CEO pay.
Nothing trickled down to workers.
Trying to decide, if Orange Hitler wins, whether to move in with the Swiss relatives or join a band of guerrillas in the hills.
October 27, 2024 at 10:43 PM
Trying to decide, if Orange Hitler wins, whether to move in with the Swiss relatives or join a band of guerrillas in the hills.
If Jeff Bezos wasn't a schmuck he'd create a $50 billion trust fund to support the Post eternally and walk away a hero. But apparently he's a schmuck.
October 26, 2024 at 11:34 PM
If Jeff Bezos wasn't a schmuck he'd create a $50 billion trust fund to support the Post eternally and walk away a hero. But apparently he's a schmuck.
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I'm launching a substack, TRENCH ART, where I will write about the Ukraine war. This is where I'll post the things no magazine or news site will let me publish. Subscribe to get new posts every day. And chip in if you've got the means. daxe.substack.com
April 2, 2024 at 11:41 PM
I'm launching a substack, TRENCH ART, where I will write about the Ukraine war. This is where I'll post the things no magazine or news site will let me publish. Subscribe to get new posts every day. And chip in if you've got the means. daxe.substack.com
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right now an intern is writing a Trump donation email that says “If they can fine me 364 million dollars, they can do it to YOU!”
February 16, 2024 at 8:30 PM
right now an intern is writing a Trump donation email that says “If they can fine me 364 million dollars, they can do it to YOU!”
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Oh is a sports ball on? Sorry, I was busy reading 𝔗𝔥𝔢 ℭ𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔱𝔲𝔦𝔬𝔫
February 11, 2024 at 11:41 PM
Oh is a sports ball on? Sorry, I was busy reading 𝔗𝔥𝔢 ℭ𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔱𝔲𝔦𝔬𝔫
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GET IT TOGETHER FAT MAN MY GIRLFRIEND IS WATCHING
February 12, 2024 at 12:50 AM
GET IT TOGETHER FAT MAN MY GIRLFRIEND IS WATCHING
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This reaffirms my faith in humanity. We’re good for a laugh.
January 31, 2024 at 4:24 AM
This reaffirms my faith in humanity. We’re good for a laugh.
this is so sad...
January 24, 2024 at 1:02 PM
this is so sad...
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Happy anniversary to the last time a Republican actually took a stand
January 6, 2024 at 5:30 PM
Happy anniversary to the last time a Republican actually took a stand
I'm gonna guess that nobody appreciates a good editor more than the poor schmuck who had to carve this epitaph into actual stone.
November 15, 2023 at 2:36 AM
I'm gonna guess that nobody appreciates a good editor more than the poor schmuck who had to carve this epitaph into actual stone.
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NYT yesterday: Republican wins tomorrow would be bad news for Joe Biden.
NYT tomorrow: Here's why Democratic victories across the country are bad news for Biden.
NYT tomorrow: Here's why Democratic victories across the country are bad news for Biden.
November 8, 2023 at 2:23 AM
NYT yesterday: Republican wins tomorrow would be bad news for Joe Biden.
NYT tomorrow: Here's why Democratic victories across the country are bad news for Biden.
NYT tomorrow: Here's why Democratic victories across the country are bad news for Biden.
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to accept the results of this vote seems so contrary to everything Johnson’s GOP stands for
October 25, 2023 at 5:56 PM
to accept the results of this vote seems so contrary to everything Johnson’s GOP stands for
Omg this is such a movie. Josephine Baker?! WW2? Smuggling spy secrets in her underwear?
www.washingtonpost.com/history/2023...
www.washingtonpost.com/history/2023...
October 22, 2023 at 4:26 PM
Omg this is such a movie. Josephine Baker?! WW2? Smuggling spy secrets in her underwear?
www.washingtonpost.com/history/2023...
www.washingtonpost.com/history/2023...
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😳 unrelated, please meet my baby daughter, G. Gordon Liddy
October 22, 2023 at 2:19 PM
😳 unrelated, please meet my baby daughter, G. Gordon Liddy