naked and afraid

but it's just me going pee in the middle of the night

tonight's teeth brushing music brought to you by:

My son asked me to watch a horror movie with him and I said “of course” and then he put on La La Land and laughed while I cryperventilated

Cubs win!

I've asked many questions in the two days i've been there

also, old

My sanity is on a permanent vacation

Gross if literal:

Getting your shit together

do you think snakes get really self conscious when they molt or do you think they’re like “new skin who tryna rail me?”

🫶🏾

there's been a lot of important debate on this site over the last few days. many people feel upset and betrayed, and tensions are high. through it all i've been keeping my own counsel, listening to each side and weighing the merits of the arguments. but now i must break my silence and say this: cum

I miss G Pepp
go cubbies!

Calories don't count if they don't satisfy your craving.

getting tired of all the "stuff" "happening" how do I turn it off

why ‘run away to join the circus’ when you can just be a politician

the pictures our daughters are sending back from Paris have me missing being on tour like a muh fuh.

especially now
love that city

i'm an equal opportunity disappointer
i'll drop bad toots just like i will bad skeets here

It's sad how people expect change without actually changing anything. It's me, I'm people.

Little Red Corvette is my favorite song about Hot Wheels

British people be like “I bot yew a fokin vape innit”

i slept wrong last night so my hip will never be the same again

them: i love your halloween horror makeup!
me: my what?

everyone gangsta until they have diarrhea in a public restroom

i wonder if in australia bsky is circling the drain counterclockwise