Brendan Parry Kaufmann
@bpkaufmann.bsky.social
Audible Shape.
Semi-Ambulatory Cheese Disposal System.
Actor/Writer/Director/Producer/Cat-Wrangler.
🇦🇺🇺🇦🇬🇪🇨🇦🇬🇱🇩🇰🏳️🌈🖤💛❤️
Semi-Ambulatory Cheese Disposal System.
Actor/Writer/Director/Producer/Cat-Wrangler.
🇦🇺🇺🇦🇬🇪🇨🇦🇬🇱🇩🇰🏳️🌈🖤💛❤️
Pinned
Thought for the day:
If the US military is ordered to move on Greenland, I don't want the Joint Chiefs of Staff to resign in protest.
I want them to mutiny.
And drag Trump, his Cabinet, his cronies, and his entire feckless family onto the Whitehouse lawn, and shoot them all in the head.
If the US military is ordered to move on Greenland, I don't want the Joint Chiefs of Staff to resign in protest.
I want them to mutiny.
And drag Trump, his Cabinet, his cronies, and his entire feckless family onto the Whitehouse lawn, and shoot them all in the head.
The fuck is that
Grimace after a grease fire burned off half of his body hair
January 24, 2026 at 2:51 AM
The fuck is that
When I am sworn in as President of the World, this is the book I shall be resting my hand upon.
Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.
Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU
#viz #comedy #rude #swear
Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU
#viz #comedy #rude #swear
January 22, 2026 at 7:15 PM
When I am sworn in as President of the World, this is the book I shall be resting my hand upon.
The energy I bring to Bluesky
January 22, 2026 at 5:17 AM
The energy I bring to Bluesky
Ah.......fuck it. Damn.
SOOOOON....
SOOOOON....
Trump rapid response: "After takeoff, the AF1 crew identified a minor electrical issue. Out of an abundance of caution, AF1 is returning to Joint Base Andrews. The President and team will board a different aircraft and continue on to Switzerland."
January 21, 2026 at 4:23 AM
Ah.......fuck it. Damn.
SOOOOON....
SOOOOON....
Terribly sad news. One of the greatest drummers in Australian rock music - if not the greatest.
Vale, Rob. Thanks for some amazing music.
Vale, Rob. Thanks for some amazing music.
So sad to hear this news. What an extraordinary musician and a beautiful human. Vale Rob.
www.abc.net.au/news/2026-01...
www.abc.net.au/news/2026-01...
Breaking: Midnight Oil drummer Rob Hirst dies aged 70
Rob Hirst was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2023.
www.abc.net.au
January 20, 2026 at 6:45 AM
Terribly sad news. One of the greatest drummers in Australian rock music - if not the greatest.
Vale, Rob. Thanks for some amazing music.
Vale, Rob. Thanks for some amazing music.
Reposted by Brendan Parry Kaufmann
Thought for the day:
If the US military is ordered to move on Greenland, I don't want the Joint Chiefs of Staff to resign in protest.
I want them to mutiny.
And drag Trump, his Cabinet, his cronies, and his entire feckless family onto the Whitehouse lawn, and shoot them all in the head.
If the US military is ordered to move on Greenland, I don't want the Joint Chiefs of Staff to resign in protest.
I want them to mutiny.
And drag Trump, his Cabinet, his cronies, and his entire feckless family onto the Whitehouse lawn, and shoot them all in the head.
January 17, 2026 at 11:15 PM
Thought for the day:
If the US military is ordered to move on Greenland, I don't want the Joint Chiefs of Staff to resign in protest.
I want them to mutiny.
And drag Trump, his Cabinet, his cronies, and his entire feckless family onto the Whitehouse lawn, and shoot them all in the head.
If the US military is ordered to move on Greenland, I don't want the Joint Chiefs of Staff to resign in protest.
I want them to mutiny.
And drag Trump, his Cabinet, his cronies, and his entire feckless family onto the Whitehouse lawn, and shoot them all in the head.
I feel you, Mr. Rabbit.
I fucking feel you.
We ALL fucking feel you.
I fucking feel you.
We ALL fucking feel you.
January 19, 2026 at 12:13 PM
I feel you, Mr. Rabbit.
I fucking feel you.
We ALL fucking feel you.
I fucking feel you.
We ALL fucking feel you.
Reposted by Brendan Parry Kaufmann
A joke for the history buffs:
Germany’s satirical newspaper @der-postillon.com titles: “Vienna Academy of the Arts offers Trump admission as a student — They don’t want to get blamed again“
Germany’s satirical newspaper @der-postillon.com titles: “Vienna Academy of the Arts offers Trump admission as a student — They don’t want to get blamed again“
January 18, 2026 at 1:56 PM
A joke for the history buffs:
Germany’s satirical newspaper @der-postillon.com titles: “Vienna Academy of the Arts offers Trump admission as a student — They don’t want to get blamed again“
Germany’s satirical newspaper @der-postillon.com titles: “Vienna Academy of the Arts offers Trump admission as a student — They don’t want to get blamed again“
Thought for the day:
If the US military is ordered to move on Greenland, I don't want the Joint Chiefs of Staff to resign in protest.
I want them to mutiny.
And drag Trump, his Cabinet, his cronies, and his entire feckless family onto the Whitehouse lawn, and shoot them all in the head.
If the US military is ordered to move on Greenland, I don't want the Joint Chiefs of Staff to resign in protest.
I want them to mutiny.
And drag Trump, his Cabinet, his cronies, and his entire feckless family onto the Whitehouse lawn, and shoot them all in the head.
January 17, 2026 at 11:15 PM
Thought for the day:
If the US military is ordered to move on Greenland, I don't want the Joint Chiefs of Staff to resign in protest.
I want them to mutiny.
And drag Trump, his Cabinet, his cronies, and his entire feckless family onto the Whitehouse lawn, and shoot them all in the head.
If the US military is ordered to move on Greenland, I don't want the Joint Chiefs of Staff to resign in protest.
I want them to mutiny.
And drag Trump, his Cabinet, his cronies, and his entire feckless family onto the Whitehouse lawn, and shoot them all in the head.
Give me a moment, I just need to don my best case-hardened steel "I fucking TOLD you so" trousers.
January 17, 2026 at 11:25 AM
Give me a moment, I just need to don my best case-hardened steel "I fucking TOLD you so" trousers.
In other news, I have no goddamn idea what {Borat Voice} MAH WAAAF {Normal Service Resumes} is doing.
This is fucking art
January 17, 2026 at 1:29 AM
In other news, I have no goddamn idea what {Borat Voice} MAH WAAAF {Normal Service Resumes} is doing.
As succinct summaries go, let this be the Gold Standard.
January 16, 2026 at 11:24 PM
As succinct summaries go, let this be the Gold Standard.
Reposted by Brendan Parry Kaufmann
![Decimus Phostle [waving his arms excitedly]: "Tintintin tiiin"
Tintin: "?"
Decimus Phostle [waving his arms excitedly]: "Tintintintintin"
Tintin: "?"
Decimus Phostle [waving his arms excitedly]: "Tintintin tiin tintintintintintintintin"
Tintin: "?"
Decimus Phostle [extreme closeup]: "It's the final countdown!"
Tintin: *grabs his head with both hands in shock*](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4djfp3b27soxcfkxhirydi6d/bafkreieg6775qelkgr4rlnpqaqaa3of54xpwnf774ugb5qcjqw6s45fufa@jpeg)
Reposted by Brendan Parry Kaufmann
Well, that's just pathetic.
María Corina Machado on her meeting with Trump: “I presented the president of the United States with the Nobel Peace Prize”
January 15, 2026 at 10:14 PM
Well, that's just pathetic.
Reposted by Brendan Parry Kaufmann
Powerful words from Emmanuel Macron. Greenland cannot be taken. Including Australia, the world needs to unite and openly reject Trump’s threats to acquire Greenland. If he's successful, global order crumbles. Please don’t wait, @albomp.bsky.social. We need our government to represent us on this.
In a stunning repudiation of Donald Trump, Emmanuel Macron just made clear Greenland must not be taken. Wow.
January 15, 2026 at 8:56 PM
Powerful words from Emmanuel Macron. Greenland cannot be taken. Including Australia, the world needs to unite and openly reject Trump’s threats to acquire Greenland. If he's successful, global order crumbles. Please don’t wait, @albomp.bsky.social. We need our government to represent us on this.
I can't be the only person here hoping that walking gravy boat's big finish after snapping those Temu chains, would be explosively shitting himself. And crying.
...actually, I probably am the only person here who wanted that.
I'm not a well person.
...actually, I probably am the only person here who wanted that.
I'm not a well person.
January 15, 2026 at 12:05 PM
I can't be the only person here hoping that walking gravy boat's big finish after snapping those Temu chains, would be explosively shitting himself. And crying.
...actually, I probably am the only person here who wanted that.
I'm not a well person.
...actually, I probably am the only person here who wanted that.
I'm not a well person.
Reposted by Brendan Parry Kaufmann
Reposted by Brendan Parry Kaufmann
Don’t use AI for anything you care about, kids. Just say no.
January 14, 2026 at 11:05 AM
Don’t use AI for anything you care about, kids. Just say no.
Reposted by Brendan Parry Kaufmann
oh jesus mike
mike im dying
mike im dying
May 31, 2024 at 1:50 AM
oh jesus mike
mike im dying
mike im dying
Hear me out - this is the best break-up text/resignation letter/birthday greeting in the entire history of ever.
from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee
January 13, 2026 at 8:09 AM
Hear me out - this is the best break-up text/resignation letter/birthday greeting in the entire history of ever.
Reposted by Brendan Parry Kaufmann
we’re in the vet’s office waiting room and they just called for Agamemnon. we all looked at the Great Dane but it turns out Agamemnon is an orange kitten in a backpack that makes him look like an astronaut cheese puff
January 11, 2026 at 5:27 PM
we’re in the vet’s office waiting room and they just called for Agamemnon. we all looked at the Great Dane but it turns out Agamemnon is an orange kitten in a backpack that makes him look like an astronaut cheese puff
Reposted by Brendan Parry Kaufmann
kids these days don't know how to impress Jodie Foster
January 9, 2026 at 3:56 AM
kids these days don't know how to impress Jodie Foster
On a brighter note - sampling Melbourne's new Metro tunnel this morning.
I do love me some brand new rail infrastructure, I do.
I do love me some brand new rail infrastructure, I do.
January 10, 2026 at 11:37 PM
On a brighter note - sampling Melbourne's new Metro tunnel this morning.
I do love me some brand new rail infrastructure, I do.
I do love me some brand new rail infrastructure, I do.
Compelling article from John Birmingham on Australia and the world’s reluctance to acknowledge and effectively deal with the Elephant in the West Wing. It’s really unfortunate that Albo is ensconced in the Lodge right now. #auspol
open.substack.com/pub/aliensid...
open.substack.com/pub/aliensid...
This is what fascism looks like.
It’s been a while since I read any Stalin biographies.
open.substack.com
January 10, 2026 at 11:14 PM