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Surprised Face Guy

@surprisedface.bsky.social

8.2K followers 530 following 16K posts

You could be one of my first 10,000 followers. Time is not running out. Ranked one of the Top 10 Surprised Face Guys on Bluesky, 2023. Sorry in advance: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaly5qgvbn52

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Jul 16

Him: “What fresh hell awaits us today.”

Her: “… okay look, no offense, but after this appointment I’m going to find a new gynecologist.”

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 2m

|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
| I DONT THINK |
| YOURE READY |
| FOR THE |
| TAKEDOWN |
| ＿＿＿＿＿______|
(\__/) ||
(•ㅅ•) ||
/ 　づ

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1h

ICE protest sign idea:

“I’VE SEEN YOU REAL FACE AND ITS UGLY AS SIN”

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1h

ICE protest sign idea:

“I’VE SEEN YOU REAL FACE AND ITS UGLY AS SIN”

2 1 5

Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Wendigo Wires 👻 @joparkerbear.bsky.social · 16d

[drafting a letter] when I shell out $4 for an Atkins frozen dinner, I expect a certain quality

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Maureen Jice @jane.meangirls.online · 16h

the freaking Portland protest frog is warming up in the pen

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 15h

MIGHT AS WELL WIN THE WHOLE FUCKING THING

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 17h

Come on Seattle. Detroit has had it too good for too long

Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

𝐭⃥𝐡⃥𝐞⃥ 𝐋⃥𝐢⃥𝐯⃥-⃥𝐢⃥𝐧⃥𝐠⃥ 𝐝⃥𝐞⃥𝐚⃥𝐝⃥ @soppressexy.bsky.social · 1d

friendly reminder you should not have a “favorite politician”

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

I don’t know I was making a joke.

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

Bari Weiss lucked into having the best social psychology teacher of all time. She has picked up every lesson and weaponized it.

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 1d

Love this.

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 2d

I tell the nurse I prefer it in my arm

Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · Oct 9

[forest]
ME: omg there’s a wolf
WIFE: where?
ME: no the regular kind

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 2d

This world is screwed up so badly, I'm pissing out of my foot! It's dis toe peein'!

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Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 2d

Ah I should have written it that way, that would have been better. I was going to say “hard b”

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · 2d

Why do they called it a "Credit Card" and not a "Debt Card"

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Aug 13

What if someone gave you a lamp with a genie in it but every time you rubbed the lamp it let out an uncomfortably sexual moan

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Aug 30

Human beings should inflate like puffer fish when they’re excited.

Genie: “look, can you just ask for money like a normal person”

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Reposted by Surprised Face Guy

Surprised Face Guy @surprisedface.bsky.social · Sep 26

Genie: "What is your wish?"

Me: "I wish to live forever."

Genie: "I can't do that."

Me: "Okay, I wish for all my enemies to die before me."

Genie: "That I can do. ✨Wish granted✨"

~~99 years later~~

Me: [kicking a newborn baby]