Surprised Face Guy
@surprisedface.bsky.social
You could be one of my first 10,000 followers. Time is not running out.
Ranked one of the Top 10 Surprised Face Guys on Bluesky, 2023.
Sorry in advance: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaly5qgvbn52
Ranked one of the Top 10 Surprised Face Guys on Bluesky, 2023.
Sorry in advance: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaly5qgvbn52
Pinned
[going up to a pretty woman at the bar]
Me: “Hey, I want to introduce you to a friend of mine. He thinks you’re pretty cute. He’s Filthy Rich.”
Pretty Woman: “oh okay, I’ll meet him. Where is he?”
Richard [covered in goose shit]: “actually I go by Dick now”
Me: “Hey, I want to introduce you to a friend of mine. He thinks you’re pretty cute. He’s Filthy Rich.”
Pretty Woman: “oh okay, I’ll meet him. Where is he?”
Richard [covered in goose shit]: “actually I go by Dick now”
Gifting Trump my 2018 fantasy football championship trophy. Congrats on your “Two Gurleys One Kupp” team win. Anyway, I robbed a bank.
January 18, 2026 at 10:35 PM
Gifting Trump my 2018 fantasy football championship trophy. Congrats on your “Two Gurleys One Kupp” team win. Anyway, I robbed a bank.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
i have ascended to a new level of thought and psychological existence
January 18, 2026 at 10:12 PM
i have ascended to a new level of thought and psychological existence
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
my doctor finally figured out what’s wrong with me. apparently there’s a little birdhouse in my soul
January 3, 2026 at 5:07 AM
my doctor finally figured out what’s wrong with me. apparently there’s a little birdhouse in my soul
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
Oh wow, a tortoise is racing a hare? Who gives a shit
January 18, 2026 at 6:32 PM
Oh wow, a tortoise is racing a hare? Who gives a shit
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
Billionaires just don't go for rides in imploding submersibles like they used to
January 18, 2026 at 2:07 PM
Billionaires just don't go for rides in imploding submersibles like they used to
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
Rawdogging depression by staying alive.
January 18, 2026 at 9:01 AM
Rawdogging depression by staying alive.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
vaccines cause adults
January 18, 2026 at 6:47 AM
vaccines cause adults
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
I don't have two wolves in me but I do have a vast emptiness that they could roam free in
January 17, 2026 at 10:59 PM
I don't have two wolves in me but I do have a vast emptiness that they could roam free in
Yeah but if you include the balls it’s much longer.
AVERAGE
January 17, 2026 at 11:07 PM
Yeah but if you include the balls it’s much longer.
Someone else should do something about all this so that it doesn’t someday affect me, the protagonist of reality.
January 17, 2026 at 11:05 PM
Someone else should do something about all this so that it doesn’t someday affect me, the protagonist of reality.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
Some jokes I write for me and some jokes I write for others but the one you liked I wrote for the both of us ❤️ Hang in there buddy
January 17, 2026 at 10:30 PM
Some jokes I write for me and some jokes I write for others but the one you liked I wrote for the both of us ❤️ Hang in there buddy
Folks, I think it's all time we learn the Haka.
January 17, 2026 at 10:35 PM
Folks, I think it's all time we learn the Haka.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
I’m approaching forty years of age and have been starting to get those unfamiliar pangs, that feeling that I have to reach the south pole by sled
January 17, 2026 at 4:09 PM
I’m approaching forty years of age and have been starting to get those unfamiliar pangs, that feeling that I have to reach the south pole by sled
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
Inspectors of Clitoral Existance
Idiotic Cunts Everywhere
ICE stands for I can’t ejaculate
January 17, 2026 at 8:23 AM
Inspectors of Clitoral Existance
Bob Marley was right when he said “I want pajamas with you”
January 17, 2026 at 7:38 AM
Bob Marley was right when he said “I want pajamas with you”
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
I don’t struggle with depression. We have formed a close and loving bond
January 17, 2026 at 4:50 AM
I don’t struggle with depression. We have formed a close and loving bond
Muting all posts with “the” “and” “also” “he” “can” “I” and other short words. Show some linguistic creativity or get off my feed.
January 17, 2026 at 2:36 AM
Muting all posts with “the” “and” “also” “he” “can” “I” and other short words. Show some linguistic creativity or get off my feed.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
I don’t eat processed foods. I only eat pre-processed foods. I make my wife chew my meals and then spit it into my mouth like a baby bird.
February 1, 2025 at 4:55 AM
I don’t eat processed foods. I only eat pre-processed foods. I make my wife chew my meals and then spit it into my mouth like a baby bird.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
you: i must get rid of this bath water.
me: okay
you: i must also throw this baby out with it.
me: no, do not do that.
me: okay
you: i must also throw this baby out with it.
me: no, do not do that.
April 8, 2025 at 6:00 PM
you: i must get rid of this bath water.
me: okay
you: i must also throw this baby out with it.
me: no, do not do that.
me: okay
you: i must also throw this baby out with it.
me: no, do not do that.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
Her: “Let’s have makeup sex”
Him: (ripping off clothes) “Hell yeah baby I’m… wait what the hell are you doing”
Her: “Putting mascara on your ball hairs.”
Him: (ripping off clothes) “Hell yeah baby I’m… wait what the hell are you doing”
Her: “Putting mascara on your ball hairs.”
April 4, 2024 at 9:55 PM
Her: “Let’s have makeup sex”
Him: (ripping off clothes) “Hell yeah baby I’m… wait what the hell are you doing”
Her: “Putting mascara on your ball hairs.”
Him: (ripping off clothes) “Hell yeah baby I’m… wait what the hell are you doing”
Her: “Putting mascara on your ball hairs.”
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
i didn't know the baby was in the bathwater, your honor.
September 10, 2024 at 7:35 PM
i didn't know the baby was in the bathwater, your honor.
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
y'all need to do better and embrace renewable energy sources like the ray of sunshine that is me
January 16, 2026 at 8:06 PM
y'all need to do better and embrace renewable energy sources like the ray of sunshine that is me
Reposted by Surprised Face Guy
3:07 am : *sits bolt upright in bed*
TOO MUCH SOUP IS A SLURPLUS
*immediately falls back into deep sleep*
TOO MUCH SOUP IS A SLURPLUS
*immediately falls back into deep sleep*
January 14, 2026 at 11:43 PM
3:07 am : *sits bolt upright in bed*
TOO MUCH SOUP IS A SLURPLUS
*immediately falls back into deep sleep*
TOO MUCH SOUP IS A SLURPLUS
*immediately falls back into deep sleep*
a pun so bad it makes a groan man cry.
January 16, 2026 at 11:33 PM
a pun so bad it makes a groan man cry.