Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

jonny toothpick

@jonnytoothpick.bsky.social

36 followers 86 following 400 posts

I am the alter ego of someone not very funny. I am also not very funny. Anti-evil. (All opinions are my own or subconsciously pirated from 60s television.)

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 3h

The ghost in my addict left because I’m spending too much time on social media.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 4h

The sun rises and sets no matter what we do to each other. Think of it as a big FU.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 7h

Don’t forget to set your clock back one hour. The time isn’t changing or anything. You just look like you could use 60 extra minutes.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 10h

Based on what I’m seeing in the stores now, I think I’m supposed to dress as a Christmas tree for Halloween.

4 8

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 12h

I’m feeling extra normal lately, which means I’m even less in touch with my internal wiring than usual.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 16h

I try hard not to look at any news before breakfast. Or during breakfast. Or after breakfast. Ever really.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 1d

The sun sets so early now I don’t know why I bother to get up.

Reposted by jonny toothpick

Kellaweena 🎃 @kellalena.bsky.social · 1d

Not all who wander into the woods to scream are lost.

5 50 140

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 1d

I’m writing my obituary just in case, you know, I eventually, you know.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 1d

Lassie, please poop already. I want to go home.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 1d

I remember a time when we thought they would all die out.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 1d

We are a nation of laws. lol jk

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 2d

It’s nighttime where I am. It’s always nighttime where I am, no matter where I go.

1 2

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 2d

Playgrounds are the devil’s playgrounds.

2 2 9

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 2d

When my grandmother was alive, she always said it’s as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man. I just wish she didn’t keep saying it to my girlfriends.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 2d

I’m a perfectionist. I’m perfectly okay with however it turns out.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 2d

When I first started looking for my big break, I didn’t know when I finally got there, it would be my hip.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 2d

Gilligan’s Island but they’re in Manhattan.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 2d

If remembering your passwords is a way to stave off Alzheimer’s, I’m screwed.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 2d

Saturday is the best day because I get to deal with the miasma at home instead of the miasma at work.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 2d

Like England or Mexico.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 2d

First he eats a Hammond, then a Lowry.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 3d

Night is falling hard. Better get out of the way or it may crush you.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 3d

Fortune cookie: Even the shittiest of times looks pretty good in the rear view mirror.

jonny toothpick @jonnytoothpick.bsky.social · 3d

Like me or I’ll kill you, said the king.