EmpressEsquire
@3mpress3squire.bsky.social
Still reads the Liner Notes.
She/her
She/her
Reposted by EmpressEsquire
is it considered a polycule if the girl you’re dating is haunted?
December 27, 2025 at 1:20 PM
is it considered a polycule if the girl you’re dating is haunted?
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My dog and two cats love to throw up on the floor and they represent 60% of the household. As a leader I can't just ignore public opinion so I also throw up on the floor sometimes to stay popular
December 27, 2025 at 1:43 PM
My dog and two cats love to throw up on the floor and they represent 60% of the household. As a leader I can't just ignore public opinion so I also throw up on the floor sometimes to stay popular
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Back in my hometown where the evangelists are aggressive, the drivers are aggressive, and the headlights are aggressive
December 24, 2025 at 6:08 AM
Back in my hometown where the evangelists are aggressive, the drivers are aggressive, and the headlights are aggressive
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Reposted by EmpressEsquire
MYTH: If you use more than three pieces of tape to do it, you're wrapping presents incorrectly
FACT: If the present ends up wrapped, it was in fact wrapped correctly
FACT: If the present ends up wrapped, it was in fact wrapped correctly
December 23, 2025 at 5:36 PM
MYTH: If you use more than three pieces of tape to do it, you're wrapping presents incorrectly
FACT: If the present ends up wrapped, it was in fact wrapped correctly
FACT: If the present ends up wrapped, it was in fact wrapped correctly
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I’ve found it remarkably simple not to be in the same place as Jeffrey Epstein
December 18, 2025 at 9:37 PM
I’ve found it remarkably simple not to be in the same place as Jeffrey Epstein
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Man answering his phone on the train: Yes? Correct, I’m not at work (pause) I’m not going to answer that because I am not at work today. No, you’re going to have to ask someone who is. Goodbye.
December 17, 2025 at 9:30 AM
Man answering his phone on the train: Yes? Correct, I’m not at work (pause) I’m not going to answer that because I am not at work today. No, you’re going to have to ask someone who is. Goodbye.
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Eating a handful of mistletoe berries so my microbiome can have a makeout party
December 17, 2025 at 4:23 PM
Eating a handful of mistletoe berries so my microbiome can have a makeout party
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but these are my christmas hammer pants your honor
December 17, 2025 at 1:40 AM
but these are my christmas hammer pants your honor
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Reagan cut aid to the poor, ignored the AIDS crisis, demonized Black women as “welfare queens,” crushed unions, and backed death squads abroad.
Calling that “common humanity” is an interesting choice.
Calling that “common humanity” is an interesting choice.
The presidency once served as a reminder of our common humanity. Ronald Reagan described its purpose as building "a nation composed of good and decent people."
December 17, 2025 at 2:04 AM
Reagan cut aid to the poor, ignored the AIDS crisis, demonized Black women as “welfare queens,” crushed unions, and backed death squads abroad.
Calling that “common humanity” is an interesting choice.
Calling that “common humanity” is an interesting choice.
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Cackling Referee Declares Penalty For Pass Interference Shall Be 10,000 Years Of Winter https://theonion.com/cackling-referee-declares-penalty-for-pass-interference-shall-be-10000-years-of-winter/
December 16, 2025 at 1:40 AM
Cackling Referee Declares Penalty For Pass Interference Shall Be 10,000 Years Of Winter https://theonion.com/cackling-referee-declares-penalty-for-pass-interference-shall-be-10000-years-of-winter/
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one thing they don't tell you about living somewhere cold is how physically exhausting it is just to exist. frigid cold winter in nova scotia is just as bad as 100% humidity and 110F in georgia. homeostasis: the only game in town
December 15, 2025 at 9:05 PM
one thing they don't tell you about living somewhere cold is how physically exhausting it is just to exist. frigid cold winter in nova scotia is just as bad as 100% humidity and 110F in georgia. homeostasis: the only game in town
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BREAKING RAT NEWS
December 13, 2025 at 1:41 PM
BREAKING RAT NEWS
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Absence is the reset button that presence is unable to offer
December 13, 2025 at 5:50 AM
Absence is the reset button that presence is unable to offer
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Pretty messed up to be terrifying medieval peasants with special effects like this
December 12, 2025 at 1:21 AM
Pretty messed up to be terrifying medieval peasants with special effects like this
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[making porn] ok guys now let's do a silly one
December 12, 2025 at 3:34 AM
[making porn] ok guys now let's do a silly one
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Gavin Newsome is the smarmy rich kid from the swanky summer camp across the lake and our ragtag band of losers have to come together and defeat him in the big annual Field Day competition or else his evil rich dad will buy our struggling but lovable summer camp and turn it into a parking lot
December 11, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Gavin Newsome is the smarmy rich kid from the swanky summer camp across the lake and our ragtag band of losers have to come together and defeat him in the big annual Field Day competition or else his evil rich dad will buy our struggling but lovable summer camp and turn it into a parking lot
Reposted by EmpressEsquire
Once again not named person of the year due to not being a person.
December 11, 2025 at 7:39 PM
Once again not named person of the year due to not being a person.
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OBVIOUSLY do not use AI, at all. AT ALL, for anything. I don’t wanna hear about the theoretical good version, it’s not what they’re pushing on us. The absolute worst people in the world have gone all in on this shit, and it needs to be starved out as much as possible. AI: not even once!
Sec. Hegseth rolled out the U.S. military’s new AI platform, GenAi.Mil, with a link to an empty website. trib.al/tbCJAkT
Predictably, the platform can’t actually be accessed from external networks, but the wonky rollout triggered eyerolls across the internet.
Predictably, the platform can’t actually be accessed from external networks, but the wonky rollout triggered eyerolls across the internet.
December 9, 2025 at 9:18 PM
OBVIOUSLY do not use AI, at all. AT ALL, for anything. I don’t wanna hear about the theoretical good version, it’s not what they’re pushing on us. The absolute worst people in the world have gone all in on this shit, and it needs to be starved out as much as possible. AI: not even once!
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responding to the backlash, mr altman clarified that he isn't raising a child by chatgpt so much as bathing in the child's blood in an attempt to breathe life into what he referred to only as "the creature"
December 9, 2025 at 9:43 PM
responding to the backlash, mr altman clarified that he isn't raising a child by chatgpt so much as bathing in the child's blood in an attempt to breathe life into what he referred to only as "the creature"
Reposted by EmpressEsquire
Actually Jesus would have been amazing at CrossFit
December 9, 2025 at 11:24 AM
Actually Jesus would have been amazing at CrossFit
I never thought I’d have to navigate a situation where the dumb old people in my life decide to feed my photo through AI without my permission. But here I am counting to ten before I respond to the world’s most cursed photo shop edit of me. Apparently AI assumes I have lymphedema legs.
December 8, 2025 at 10:21 PM
I never thought I’d have to navigate a situation where the dumb old people in my life decide to feed my photo through AI without my permission. But here I am counting to ten before I respond to the world’s most cursed photo shop edit of me. Apparently AI assumes I have lymphedema legs.
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I am beyond upset, YouTube has age restricted my video tonight for thinking it depicts real actual gambling. The video is on CloeverPit and contains no real gambling, but does contain a massive charity push for The Trevor Project. Last time this happened I almost quit YouTube
December 8, 2025 at 9:33 PM
I am beyond upset, YouTube has age restricted my video tonight for thinking it depicts real actual gambling. The video is on CloeverPit and contains no real gambling, but does contain a massive charity push for The Trevor Project. Last time this happened I almost quit YouTube
Reposted by EmpressEsquire
Same, Frosty. Same.
December 6, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Same, Frosty. Same.