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Adam

@adamurb.bsky.social

2.6K followers 1K following 1.2K posts

Don’t get me wrong, but don’t get me right, either. Here’s the rub ⤵️ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:pdxybkcvl4yoe4rczp5r3cen/feed/aaak2h6q5xaqa

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · Jul 25

Me: (a new vampire) I still kinda want a hotdog

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 1d

My wife and I, trying to decide what to do with extra garage space.

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Reposted by Adam

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 3d

[abruptly stops playing my air banjo] Oh the intervention is for ME?

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 3d

Friend: I found your doppelganger

*shows you picture of the worst looking person you've ever seen in your life*

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 5d

Me, quiet as a mouse: (slapping a mousetrap with stick) SUCK IT TRAP

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Reposted by Adam

Kashana @kashana.blacksky.app · 9d

Went to a seafood boil this weekend and am rewriting my will to make sure I’m buried in garlic and hot peppers

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GᵣₐbₜₕₑWₑₙₑₛₛ @ayankdownunder.bsky.social · 9d

me: Rain or shine, I think you’re fine.

garden gnome: Sorry, I’m really focusing on myself right now.

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Reposted by Adam

Marauding Lycanthrope @planetcupcake.bsky.social · 10d

I really hope the medbed takes Susan B. Anthony dollar coins, I have a whole jug of 'em saved up and boy do I need some extreme dental work

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more mr. dice guy @juniorhoncho.bsky.social · 10d

NASA should try to find some ice on earth for once so we can use it to cool the atmosphere

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 10d

I just watched a squirrel stretching in a tree. It was cute. Like he was oblivious to the impending collapse of the free world. Stupid squirrel.

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 12d

I put two iPhones next to each other and omg they’re kissing

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 13d

It’s very telling that the dish washer takes one hour to wash the dishes and it takes me 4 days to put them away.

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Reposted by Adam

Molly (Mollypocalypse Edition) @mollymollz.bsky.social · 15d

Villain fashion at it's finest. Everyone needs a chainmail shirt.

A guy in a chainmail vest and a big steel chain along with Dan Hedaya.

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RXSarsparilla🎉 @gypsymoon1969.bsky.social · 14d

Yes, I am having cheese for dinner. 11.5 hour day ffs.

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duck @snakeroot.bsky.social · 14d

Cheese Rules Everything Around Me

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 15d

I was looking forward to the high falutin’ fuddy duddies floating off the planet today.

Oh, well. Maybe next year.

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Reposted by Adam

alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 15d

mentally ill implies the existence of womenshorty healthy

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 16d

I hope tomorrow isn’t the rapture, I still have some stuff I want to do.

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 18d

1,2 buckle my shoe
3,4 I’m still waiting for someone to buckle my shoe
5,6 ok this is getting to be annoying
7,8 these shoes ain’t gonna buckle themselves
9,10 fuck it I’m going barefoot

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 20d

Daredevil: Born Again has been renewed for a third season, which is weird, because Daredevil himself still hasn’t seen even the first season.

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 20d

My boss told me he wrote his wife's birthday card with chat gpt

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 20d

If you were a troll, what would you live under?

I would be under the run down pawnshop.

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 21d

Please stop breaking the pasta, let those long noods be themselves!

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 22d

I don’t know why they called it “yacht rock” when “Shmoe-town” was right there.

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Adam @adamurb.bsky.social · 24d

Genetics is the best way preserve an encoded message over 100,000 years that simply says “Zorgon was here.”

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Reposted by Adam

Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 24d

Area lady meets her DoorDash drivers downstairs in her pajamas in the middle of the afternoon

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