Dick Scurvy
@dickscurvy.bsky.social
Archie looks so grown up!
January 3, 2025 at 9:25 PM
Archie looks so grown up!
(Removing the condom after a few minutes) Excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable
December 30, 2024 at 1:17 AM
(Removing the condom after a few minutes) Excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
my trembling hand aims the gun at the Turkish ice cream guy. He winks and I realize I'm pointing an ice cream at him. He is already emptying my gun- each bullet a tiny ice cream cone
December 13, 2024 at 2:36 PM
my trembling hand aims the gun at the Turkish ice cream guy. He winks and I realize I'm pointing an ice cream at him. He is already emptying my gun- each bullet a tiny ice cream cone
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
franticly running down the street, dragging a bank behind me because i stole one of the chain pens at the counter
December 12, 2024 at 11:28 PM
franticly running down the street, dragging a bank behind me because i stole one of the chain pens at the counter
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
*forgets to bring phone into the bathroom* i’m off the grid
December 12, 2024 at 1:14 AM
*forgets to bring phone into the bathroom* i’m off the grid
1. Food
2. Phone
3. Fap
4. Fear
Repeat
2. Phone
3. Fap
4. Fear
Repeat
December 13, 2024 at 4:01 PM
1. Food
2. Phone
3. Fap
4. Fear
Repeat
2. Phone
3. Fap
4. Fear
Repeat
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
Judging by how many times I've ALMOST eaten a sticker on an apple, I've DEFINITELY eaten a sticker on an apple
November 23, 2024 at 3:07 PM
Judging by how many times I've ALMOST eaten a sticker on an apple, I've DEFINITELY eaten a sticker on an apple
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
the “ueue” in “queue” is really just there as an example
October 7, 2023 at 4:02 PM
the “ueue” in “queue” is really just there as an example
They don’t tell you that at 45 your asshole changes embouchure
November 11, 2024 at 12:41 AM
They don’t tell you that at 45 your asshole changes embouchure
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
one thing you can do when you are nervous is dig a big hole with your bare hands
November 6, 2024 at 2:28 AM
one thing you can do when you are nervous is dig a big hole with your bare hands
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
This is NOT what America is about. America is about *opens history book*
uh oh
*Frantically starts flipping though pages*
uh oh. oh no. no no no. uh oh
uh oh
*Frantically starts flipping though pages*
uh oh. oh no. no no no. uh oh
November 6, 2024 at 10:28 PM
This is NOT what America is about. America is about *opens history book*
uh oh
*Frantically starts flipping though pages*
uh oh. oh no. no no no. uh oh
uh oh
*Frantically starts flipping though pages*
uh oh. oh no. no no no. uh oh
If only there had been time to take action…
November 7, 2024 at 3:11 AM
If only there had been time to take action…
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
Inadvertently called it “the YouTubes” and now I’m getting targeted ads for walk-in bathtubs
February 5, 2024 at 1:35 PM
Inadvertently called it “the YouTubes” and now I’m getting targeted ads for walk-in bathtubs
Prune skin, not from a bath, but because you can no longer fill this decaying meat suit that was built for a younger human
February 5, 2024 at 5:20 PM
Prune skin, not from a bath, but because you can no longer fill this decaying meat suit that was built for a younger human
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
Dating in your 40s is like dumpster diving and hoping to find something good to eat.
January 4, 2024 at 7:32 PM
Dating in your 40s is like dumpster diving and hoping to find something good to eat.
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
A couple is sitting side-by-side in a booth, silently staring straight ahead as though they hate one another. Gosh. I wish I had someone to hate in a booth.
January 2, 2024 at 8:10 PM
A couple is sitting side-by-side in a booth, silently staring straight ahead as though they hate one another. Gosh. I wish I had someone to hate in a booth.
Fat older gentlemen want to support your dreams and kiss your privates
January 4, 2024 at 6:37 PM
Fat older gentlemen want to support your dreams and kiss your privates
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
Just put one of those, “Hang In There,” posters above the bed in an effort to make sex at least endurable for my lady.
December 24, 2023 at 7:04 PM
Just put one of those, “Hang In There,” posters above the bed in an effort to make sex at least endurable for my lady.
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
Hey. It's Christmas Eve, not Christmas Steve.
December 24, 2023 at 3:14 PM
Hey. It's Christmas Eve, not Christmas Steve.
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
This year I'm putting the Christ back in Christ On A Cracker
December 24, 2023 at 6:28 AM
This year I'm putting the Christ back in Christ On A Cracker
Reposted by Dick Scurvy
First date idea: Let’s see other people
December 15, 2023 at 9:44 PM
First date idea: Let’s see other people
When your new girlfriend supports you at your custody hearing
December 21, 2023 at 6:50 PM
When your new girlfriend supports you at your custody hearing
Kids these days don’t even realize their third grade teacher was doing molly and getting railed by an internet stranger
December 21, 2023 at 6:44 PM
Kids these days don’t even realize their third grade teacher was doing molly and getting railed by an internet stranger
BREAKING: Hermès billionaire dies in apparent gardening accident
December 20, 2023 at 1:01 AM
BREAKING: Hermès billionaire dies in apparent gardening accident