Jordan
@eljordy.bsky.social
(a bell rings, reminding me of previous times I have posted) these memories are so good… might as well post. it’s my choice.
Reposted by Jordan
"its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do" is one of my all time favorite tweets, but as a public service I share this tumblr collection of the entire 26-tweet reply chain it was part of (courtesy of haywire4) www.tumblr.com/haywire4/173...
![mikefossey: Check this shit out motherfucker [I slide one foot out from under me and fall on my ass, its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do]
DinkMagic: Ever seen this before [I throw my hat like a frisbee 10 feet away and jump over near it]
mikefossey: [I run down a flight of stairs, stop at the second to last step, I pause, and then I jump the last two steps. I do not land it]
DinkMagic: [i throw a grape up in the air and open my mouth but i get scared that i breathed in some fluff and start choking violently]
mikefossey: [I'm doing a mime act where I pretend to pull on a rope but I somehow accidentally grab a real rope and I pull myself off stage]
DinkMagic: [im cooking an omelette and i flip the pan and snatch the omelette out of the air with my hand burning myself] tadaa](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreicpeii4u2iirkgscaerpb5tltbs4ohykg2obbvchzo56pjzo4juie@jpeg)
![mikefossey: [I kick some dust at a guy after losing an argument but the dust flies up into my mouth and I cough so hard I barf]
DinkMagic: [my friend says im going to the store toss me your keys but i see a strange bird and instead throw my wallet in the ditch]
mikefossey: [guy passes me on the highway and flips me off, I throw a full cup of coffee at my own windshield and it spills all over the car]
DinkMagic: [i toss an apple into my elbow-pit to bounce it back out but i miss and try to bite it out of the air but bite my tongue]
mikefossey: [I try to throw a beer can into the recycle but it hits the trash can instead and it's still mostly full so it knocks it over]
DinkMagic: [2 girls are arguing i say here let me solve this and i flip a gold coin i bought on ebay so hard it breaks a fluorescent tube](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreid5fec634tvopl2nybom2l7yrys7hrqbgrpq5gneukqiwt3zm44qu@jpeg)
![mikefossey: [I ask the guy at the store to recommend me a beer and he talks to me for 23 minutes before he realizes i think beer is wine]
DinkMagic: [i ask to be excused from dinner to do homework & then phone my mom because i broke my wrist playing street fighter at 7-11]
mikefossey: [I bite a gold coin to see if it's real, but it's chocolate. I try to play it cool and eat the whole thing without unwrapping it]
DinkMagic: [a teams softball rolls near me] i got this my friends a cuban pitcher [i throw the ball into the back of my own head & faint]
mikefossey: Here, let me park for you, Im really good at parallel parking [i walk over to the driver side and slam my dick in the car door]
DinkMagic: [i testify under oath that i thought a mortgage was a special kind of measuring tape]
mikefossey: [I'm cracking my knuckles and limbering up to fight but then a guy who's on his way to another fight accidentally knocks me over]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreihgywpjsvklyn2mdkfnvn2e4rknldwwa6brmtfkfkrpimkjj76tp4@jpeg)
![DinkMagic: [i ask the butcher for two pounds of boneless chicken Brent]
mikefossey: [at a dinner party I lean on the grand piano while telling a story, but the lid is open and I fall into it, hitting every string]
DinkMagic: [i get anxious at a fancy bar and order a martini and then say "could you imagine if this was soup" to no one really loud]
mikefossey: I try to open a beer with a lighter but I shatter the bottle and cut my hand, and also light my shirt on fire with the lighter]
DinkMagic: [i ride up on my new dirtbike revving it, and set the kickstand down on my own foot and start crying]
mikefossey: [I get water up my nose while I'm doing the dishes and knock my glasses into the garbage disposal when I go to rub my nose]
DinkMagic: [i get angry that I got confused & told an Italian that pizza came from Russia I drive to little Caesars & throw a stone at it](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreifw77g6afsgy7rhshwknw4kcdgujwj4al6ymbwiawohrn6wc5hpme@jpeg)
December 26, 2024 at 9:16 PM
"its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do" is one of my all time favorite tweets, but as a public service I share this tumblr collection of the entire 26-tweet reply chain it was part of (courtesy of haywire4) www.tumblr.com/haywire4/173...
Reposted by Jordan
CHOTINER: and when you're in water you
PARTICLE MAN: don't get wet, that's right.
CHOTINER: And this is because
PARTICLE MAN: the water gets me instead. It becomes particle-manish
CHOTINER: There's been some debate on this point. Triangle Man, for example
PARTICLE MAN: I think we're done here
PARTICLE MAN: don't get wet, that's right.
CHOTINER: And this is because
PARTICLE MAN: the water gets me instead. It becomes particle-manish
CHOTINER: There's been some debate on this point. Triangle Man, for example
PARTICLE MAN: I think we're done here
December 23, 2025 at 3:24 AM
CHOTINER: and when you're in water you
PARTICLE MAN: don't get wet, that's right.
CHOTINER: And this is because
PARTICLE MAN: the water gets me instead. It becomes particle-manish
CHOTINER: There's been some debate on this point. Triangle Man, for example
PARTICLE MAN: I think we're done here
PARTICLE MAN: don't get wet, that's right.
CHOTINER: And this is because
PARTICLE MAN: the water gets me instead. It becomes particle-manish
CHOTINER: There's been some debate on this point. Triangle Man, for example
PARTICLE MAN: I think we're done here
Reposted by Jordan
I will send you to hell.
December 14, 2025 at 9:47 PM
I will send you to hell.
Reposted by Jordan
Help! Help! I'm being chased by the Boston Strangler!
Without saying where you’re from, drop some slang from your city. I’m trying to see something.
December 2, 2025 at 1:14 AM
Help! Help! I'm being chased by the Boston Strangler!
Reposted by Jordan
Sir, your camo hunting jacket is ineffective in the white walls of Mall of America.
November 23, 2025 at 6:23 PM
Sir, your camo hunting jacket is ineffective in the white walls of Mall of America.
@floyding.bsky.social ZAHLER MENTIONED 🚨🚨🚨
November 16, 2025 at 6:45 PM
@floyding.bsky.social ZAHLER MENTIONED 🚨🚨🚨
Reposted by Jordan
oh that's weird, Betraybo, my cursed blade that glows before witnessing a huge betrayal, is glowing
November 11, 2025 at 1:02 AM
oh that's weird, Betraybo, my cursed blade that glows before witnessing a huge betrayal, is glowing
Reposted by Jordan
(seeing a bible chapter and verse sticker on a car window in traffic) oh cool. i'll be sure to go home and look that up. and then, believe in it
November 7, 2025 at 8:30 PM
(seeing a bible chapter and verse sticker on a car window in traffic) oh cool. i'll be sure to go home and look that up. and then, believe in it
Reposted by Jordan
the reason republicans lost yesterday is because theyre a bunch of weird freaks pushing policy that everyone hates
November 5, 2025 at 1:56 PM
the reason republicans lost yesterday is because theyre a bunch of weird freaks pushing policy that everyone hates
Reposted by Jordan
Luigi acquires a new mansion. It's filled with the souls of the dead. No wonder, no curiosity about the nature of these souls or the greater implications. Just clean them out like vermin.
October 22, 2025 at 3:23 PM
Luigi acquires a new mansion. It's filled with the souls of the dead. No wonder, no curiosity about the nature of these souls or the greater implications. Just clean them out like vermin.
new job, new cardigan, same old jordan
October 16, 2025 at 7:04 PM
new job, new cardigan, same old jordan
Reposted by Jordan
(throwing up blood) uh oh i did not eat that much blood
October 16, 2025 at 2:14 AM
(throwing up blood) uh oh i did not eat that much blood
Reposted by Jordan
in a way this place is Elon’s dream platform: Twitter, but with Reddit humor
October 15, 2025 at 7:17 PM
in a way this place is Elon’s dream platform: Twitter, but with Reddit humor
Reposted by Jordan
it’s hard to talk politics anymore because the natural response to everything is “oh they should be killed” but you’re not allowed to say it. it’s more illegal than open pedophilia
September 9, 2025 at 8:18 PM
it’s hard to talk politics anymore because the natural response to everything is “oh they should be killed” but you’re not allowed to say it. it’s more illegal than open pedophilia
Reposted by Jordan
Listen it has become very clear that when he does die we need to be fucking mean about it. Even if you keep the kid gloves on they'll still come for you for speaking, so get that banter ready. Make them cry.
September 18, 2025 at 12:58 PM
Listen it has become very clear that when he does die we need to be fucking mean about it. Even if you keep the kid gloves on they'll still come for you for speaking, so get that banter ready. Make them cry.
Reposted by Jordan
You there boy, what day is todayborday?
September 1, 2025 at 2:53 PM
You there boy, what day is todayborday?
Reposted by Jordan
part of the reason i beat up so hard on democratic weakness is we need people who are tough on the monsters that continue to allow childrens brains to be splattered on the walls by gunshots. i dont want to make nice with these people. they're not "good friends" and "colleagues" on the other side.
August 27, 2025 at 3:54 PM
part of the reason i beat up so hard on democratic weakness is we need people who are tough on the monsters that continue to allow childrens brains to be splattered on the walls by gunshots. i dont want to make nice with these people. they're not "good friends" and "colleagues" on the other side.
Reposted by Jordan
Patient, sobbing: But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci!
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.
August 7, 2025 at 11:31 AM
Patient, sobbing: But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci!
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.
Reposted by Jordan
this is the best single-image encapsulation of how modern conservatism works
Texas can't adequately warn people about deadly floods, but it can immediately let me know that a cop got hurt 250 miles away from me.
July 10, 2025 at 5:49 AM
this is the best single-image encapsulation of how modern conservatism works
75 degrees, 3 beers deep, walking home from the bar, full moon… pretty good
July 10, 2025 at 3:01 AM
75 degrees, 3 beers deep, walking home from the bar, full moon… pretty good
Reposted by Jordan
yesterday i noticed a Grammarly AI ad in my windows start menu. ostensibly to help me with my grammatical errors in searching my own computer for "poooooop1.jpeg". naturally i clicked it, made an account, signed up for a premium subscription, and am quite happy with the whole thing
July 2, 2025 at 4:19 PM
yesterday i noticed a Grammarly AI ad in my windows start menu. ostensibly to help me with my grammatical errors in searching my own computer for "poooooop1.jpeg". naturally i clicked it, made an account, signed up for a premium subscription, and am quite happy with the whole thing
Reposted by Jordan
Someone needs to Do It
June 17, 2025 at 12:06 AM
Someone needs to Do It