New Jack Handey
@newjackhandy.bsky.social
God-tier reply guy. Super classy. Animal lover.
Reposted by New Jack Handey
The ultimate male privilege is that women miss out on the zesty camaraderie of us lining up side-by-side, genitals-out pissing into a communal trough of fetid urine.
December 28, 2025 at 3:00 AM
The ultimate male privilege is that women miss out on the zesty camaraderie of us lining up side-by-side, genitals-out pissing into a communal trough of fetid urine.
Reposted by New Jack Handey
Riding in a driverless Waymo and it’s actually really fun. I am banging on the windows and screaming “help me, you gotta fucking help me” at pedestrians
December 22, 2025 at 5:20 AM
Riding in a driverless Waymo and it’s actually really fun. I am banging on the windows and screaming “help me, you gotta fucking help me” at pedestrians
It's day 67 without resolution and the Chive crowd is really trying to make something happen. 😆
December 18, 2025 at 3:22 PM
It's day 67 without resolution and the Chive crowd is really trying to make something happen. 😆
Reposted by New Jack Handey
Sesame Street taught me to count to twelve, but in the most dramatic way possible
December 17, 2025 at 4:21 PM
Sesame Street taught me to count to twelve, but in the most dramatic way possible
Reposted by New Jack Handey
Remember Fox News' stupid "War on Christmas" culture war? I wrote about its origins and how I kinda miss it, considering the hellscape we live in now. thebarbedwire.com/2025/12/11/m...
Remember the ‘War on Christmas’? I Kinda Miss It.
The comparatively lower stakes of the War on Christmas.
thebarbedwire.com
December 11, 2025 at 7:25 PM
Remember Fox News' stupid "War on Christmas" culture war? I wrote about its origins and how I kinda miss it, considering the hellscape we live in now. thebarbedwire.com/2025/12/11/m...
Reposted by New Jack Handey
“And what is the charge? Eating a seal? A succulent Chinese seal? GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS!”
December 6, 2025 at 12:38 PM
“And what is the charge? Eating a seal? A succulent Chinese seal? GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS!”
Reposted by New Jack Handey
A fear I have is finding a cool t-shirt in kohls
October 24, 2025 at 2:15 AM
A fear I have is finding a cool t-shirt in kohls
Reposted by New Jack Handey
If Gary Larson is back that means Bill Watterson is going to come back. Light is gonna reenter the world like when Gandalf showed up with new clothes.
October 18, 2025 at 1:10 AM
If Gary Larson is back that means Bill Watterson is going to come back. Light is gonna reenter the world like when Gandalf showed up with new clothes.
Reposted by New Jack Handey
oh my god someone slashed our tire
September 12, 2025 at 3:00 AM
oh my god someone slashed our tire
Reposted by New Jack Handey
Opinion | Some say that Andrew Cuomo's defeat in the primary shows that the Democratic establishment has become weak. But I say that the fact that an unpopular disgraced sixty-seven year-old sex offender was able to win 37% of the vote shows that the Democratic establishment is still very strong.
June 28, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Opinion | Some say that Andrew Cuomo's defeat in the primary shows that the Democratic establishment has become weak. But I say that the fact that an unpopular disgraced sixty-seven year-old sex offender was able to win 37% of the vote shows that the Democratic establishment is still very strong.
Reposted by New Jack Handey
Reposted by New Jack Handey
Imagine what Jesus could have accomplished with AI
September 18, 2024 at 3:23 PM
Imagine what Jesus could have accomplished with AI
Reposted by New Jack Handey
podcast conclave to choose the Joe Rogan of the left
May 23, 2025 at 5:52 PM
podcast conclave to choose the Joe Rogan of the left
Reposted by New Jack Handey
We asked this fucking weirdo how not to be weird and his answer was weird as fuck
Mark Zuckerberg says Meta's chatbots will supplement your real friends: "The average American has fewer than 3 friends ... but has demand for ... 15 friends" (h/t x.com/romanhelmetg...)
May 1, 2025 at 4:17 PM
We asked this fucking weirdo how not to be weird and his answer was weird as fuck
Reposted by New Jack Handey
Is it bad that I pretend I’m interrogating the teabag while I’m dunking it
March 13, 2025 at 12:18 AM
Is it bad that I pretend I’m interrogating the teabag while I’m dunking it
Reposted by New Jack Handey
Losing faith in every single public figure and institution has done wonders for my Impostor Syndrome
March 2, 2025 at 11:42 PM
Losing faith in every single public figure and institution has done wonders for my Impostor Syndrome
Reposted by New Jack Handey
Every day I wake up and check the news to see if it's The Big Day. I can't wait for The Big Day!!
February 16, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Every day I wake up and check the news to see if it's The Big Day. I can't wait for The Big Day!!
Our Microsoft reps at work just invited me to a "fireside chat" with PG&E... 😳
February 12, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Our Microsoft reps at work just invited me to a "fireside chat" with PG&E... 😳
The "He Gets Us" campaign running 100 ads a day asking "What's bugging you??" is some truly ballsy, next level trolling.
January 30, 2025 at 9:47 PM
The "He Gets Us" campaign running 100 ads a day asking "What's bugging you??" is some truly ballsy, next level trolling.
Reposted by New Jack Handey
If you see Chalamet put on 20+ lbs of muscle, Luigi movie confirmed.
January 28, 2025 at 7:00 PM
If you see Chalamet put on 20+ lbs of muscle, Luigi movie confirmed.
Reposted by New Jack Handey
"Niles, what did you put in this smoothie?"
May 24, 2023 at 1:09 PM
"Niles, what did you put in this smoothie?"