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tiny elvis

@tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social

180 followers 85 following 210 posts

yeah, it’s me. in case you need confirmation: beer. beach boys. dad bods. dan fielding. scumbag gang 💜

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tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · Dec 4

opening a bar called All the President’s Gin, and featuring presidential-themed drinks such as the Daiquiri Taylor. don’t steal my idea.

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Reposted by tiny elvis

Destry Broderick @destry.bsky.social · 1d

I took the dog for a wok. I don't know why. He can't cook for shit.

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tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · 7d

i like to imagine peter gabriel sitting down, horny as fuck, to write “sledgehammer”, the best pop song of all time about fucking.

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tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · 10d

if anyone has any tips on things to do/places to go in omaha, i’m all ears. thx 🙏🏾

tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · 19d

buy another lego set, or plan a romantic weekend getaway to omaha? decisions, decisions.

Reposted by tiny elvis

Adi 🍉 @adigoesswimming.bsky.social · 13d

Horseshoe crabs are older than trees, land animals, and continents. Horseshoe crabs are a living wonder and we should all feel grateful to exist at the same time as something so incredibly ancient.

🕷️Gory Thing🕷️ @korybing.bsky.social · 13d

That may seem weird since birds evolved 165 million years ago but the oldest living species is only 2 million, but for reference, Homo sapiens are only about 300k years old. Dont look at horseshoe crabs they fuck up the whole average.

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Paul @grommit56.bsky.social · 20d

Celery. For when you really have a hankering for lukewarm crunchy water.

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MrsFitz @mrsfitz.bsky.social · 14d

The rare sight of grandma scat in a pile of mulch.

Abandoned piece of hard candy, possibly Werthers seen in flower bed at corporate office.

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I'mWinters✂️SerialMom @imwintersmom.bsky.social · 13d

my kid asked to stay at the hotel with the "fancy bathroom crackers" but i cant remember which one she caught me eating in the bathroom at.

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tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · 13d

a reminder:

greg abbott- governor of tx; did not record “shake you down”; did not appear on “all my children”; not erica kane’s favorite singer

gregory abbott- cool dude; recorded “shake you down”; appeared on “all my children”; erica kane’s favorite singer

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tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · 19d

buy another lego set, or plan a romantic weekend getaway to omaha? decisions, decisions.

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tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · 20d

teddy roosevelt is very disappointed in all of you.

Reposted by tiny elvis

spookillumi @illumi.meme · 20d

me making a cold call: hi please be nice to me

me receiving a cold call: buddy what the fuck is your problem

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PAM! @pamtoo.bsky.social · 20d

That's that. 42nd Covid vaccine complete. I'd like to thank obesity, hypertension and the bed I'm about to spend three days in.

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Where’s Taco Wallace? @cheeziebreezie.bsky.social · 22d

My kids listen to music at night to go to sleep, and 6 months out of the year, it’s Christmas music.

They’ve made the transition already.

They’re killing me 😭

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Reposted by tiny elvis

Pope ghibby! - Keeper of the Holy Anal Rail Gun @caffeineandhate.bsky.social · 24d

T.G.I.Fapfest

Blerrspookster 🙀 @blerrycat1.bsky.social · 24d

Jack Off in the Box

Nyarlat-Hotep, the Crawling Chaos 🔞 @nyarlat-hotep.bsky.social · 24d

Five Guys (Jerking off on you)

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Spooky Femme Peter Lorre @sarahkite.bsky.social · 25d

the trouble with things happening so very much every day, is we forget all about making fun of Cybertrucks

and that’s something we all still need

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tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · 24d

matt eberflus is somewhere enjoying a beer with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. we owe that man an apology.

Reposted by tiny elvis

kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 24d

my bf, Gerry Mander, has a problem with boundaries . folks,,

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agnes bookbinder @agnesbookbinder.bsky.social · 25d

Took my mother to see Downtown Abbey today.

Not Downton Abbey. That’s the one for fancy people. Downtown Abbey —for us simple folk.

#innit

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tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · 26d

did kenneth ever tell us what the frequency was?

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tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · 26d

this is correct. like diving boards at the Y.

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PAM! @pamtoo.bsky.social · 26d

Hey, Buddy. You can't bring all that hope in here! Get outta here!

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Cooper S. Beckett @coopersbeckett.com · 26d

gotta say, made my morning to discover that when i type the word RIM into my phone, its follow up suggestion is JOB.

a man in a suit and tie is crying and saying `` you get me '' in front of a window .

ALT: a man in a suit and tie is crying and saying `` you get me '' in front of a window .

media.tenor.com

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tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · 26d

i miss the old twitter, when we used to debate the merits of sleeping nude and how if someone breaks into your house and you come at them with a bat while your other bat’s swinging they’ll be caught so off guard you’ll have the upper dick, i mean hand.

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tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · Sep 8

director: ok, since it’s arizona and everyone is dressed in layers bc it’s the 1800s, we need everyone to have a sheen of sweat to convey the feeling of…
kurt russell’s agent: no

tiny elvis @tinyelvisbkwd.bsky.social · Sep 8

the cast of “tombstone”: *absolutely glistening with sweat because it’s hot as hell in arizona*
kurt russell: sorry, that’s not in my contract.

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GᵣₐbₜₕₑWₑₙₑₛₛ @ayankdownunder.bsky.social · Sep 7

Hey, you don’t look microwave safe.

-compliment

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