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CynicalTherapist

@cynicaltherapist.bsky.social

4.2K followers 2.2K following 3.4K posts

LMFT-LADAC Witch, Addictions Expert, Not your therapist. Both traumatized and trauma informed. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3brg3tkarfmhgddu4pmgjbkq/feed/aaapaaog6d5h4

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 13d

Trying to live a life just unsettling enough to warrant a second autopsy.

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Tyler, from the Internet @tylerfromtheinternet.com · 7h

Re-reading my old posts

Two pictures of a cat that looks happy and impossibly pleased with itself

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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 5h

"What does my vest say? Does it say somethin cool? I bet it says somethin cool."

German shepherd in a field wearing a bright yellow safety jacket/vest that says PLEASE IGNORE ME

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Mary @anniemumary.bsky.social · 4h

My daughter has been in the professional world about a year and a half and I was talking to her about how her job is going. She told me she never knew anyone named Brian before and now she knows 8 people named Brian and 2 people named Doug.

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ceej @ceej.online · 4h

caught my vampire neighbor creeping through my front door. he claims my saying “for sure dude, we should definitely hang out sometime” the other night counts as an invitation, but I disagree. we’re on hold with the etiquette hotline

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Shade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · 5h

One more time but with less feeling.

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 6h

I want to do a book tour (reading a novel cover to cover with only pee and snack breaks).

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 19h

Yes I dangled a modifier, but I did it for you.

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 13h

Sagittarius: Today’s planetary configuration resembles a middle finger but it’s probably nothing.

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 12h

The phlebotomist is going to be so stoked!

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 12h

I bought the best watch ever and it is waterproof. So yeah, You could say I dominated nerd spring break.

CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 12h

Gross.

CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 14h

Not from my personal choice to have a watch so I'm not on my phone?

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 18h

muting people irl with a hammer

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 14h

Explains my want for lollipops

CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 14h

Ooh. Banker's tan. So chic.

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · Jun 3

Fourth Date Idea: You tell me this isn't working. We hug one last time. You then back over me repeatedly with your 2015 Kia Sportage

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 15h

'Farmer tans' and 'red necks' are commonly understood but this tan line from wearing a watch has no folksy moniker?

It's just another disappointment.

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 15h

Just weeks into fall and I'm already so pale you can see my heart beating.

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slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 16h

i blame male loneliness on the invention of 12-ft skeletons. how are we supposed to compete with that

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Michelle @michelleroy78.bsky.social · 16h

I'm getting stronger with age. I can now lift $100 worth of groceries with one hand.

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Jack Boot @jackboot.bsky.social · 1d

I just say, "Hot dog." The "diggity" is implied.

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 1d

People say mucking foron like it's not how you harvest some extremely rare element from a swamp

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ꜱ ᴛ ᴀ ʀ ʙ ʟ ᴏ ᴏ ᴅ @yurei.bsky.social · 1d

How well you treat others and how you react to their idiosyncrasies is the only true gauge to how hot you are. Physical traits are highly temporary and subject to change, environment and aging; they're a completely unreliable metric for judging how long a relationship will last.

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 1d

I only need two more nose rings to deeply upset guys like kid rock? Sucks to reach the summit so early.

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 1d

Dweeb is nuanced.