Author | Lightnews

Bru

Bru

@brubaker.bsky.social

2K followers 510 following 10K posts

h-town, baseball freak, dumb posts, sincere posts, sincerely dumb posts. he/him

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Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · Oct 25

deeply funserious

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 7h

Muenster, brie, babybel, mozzarella, crumbled feta, shredded Mexican blend at the moment.

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 9h

[danny brown voice] i eliminated 85% of microplastics from my ejaculate

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 19h

ROTHKO’S BASILISK

Dorothy @catandgirl.bsky.social · 1d

Powers of ten.

Girl: Where do you see yourself in ten years? /
Cat: Eating lunch! /
Girl: Where do you see yourself in ten miles? /
Cat: Eating lunch at the gyro place /
Girl: Where do you see yourself in ten degrees /
Cat: Pouring my liquid assets into the sweet tea economy /
Girl: Where do you see yourself in ten seconds? /
Cat: Unconsciously accepting an accelerating level of background violence /
Girl: Where do you see yourself ten years ago? /
Cat: Wasting time /
Girl: Where do you see yourself in ten months? /
Cat: Looking back on the present as wasted time /
Girl: Where do you see yourself now? /
Cat: Just trying to get by - minute by minute /
Girl: Where do you see yourself in one hundred years? /
Cat: Being tortured for all eternity by a super-intelligent color field for not doing my part to bring a super-intelligent color field into existence - ROTHKO'S BASILISK /
Girl: Where do you see yourself in one hundred degrees? /
Cat: Toiling ceaselessly in the Lord's caverns in exchange for a thin gruel of amaranth and Fritos - everyone in the caves knows me as the funny guy! /
Girl: Where do you see yourself in one thousand years? /
Cat: Perfectly preserved in a peat bog! /
Girl: When are we going to industrialize the peasantry? /
Cat: After lunch!

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 19h

Juuuuuuust wow. Like WTAF are you doing man?

Douglas Reyes-Ceroñ @dreyesceron.bsky.social · 20h

I need people to see what transpired lol I have never seen someone just charge at the opposing team free kick wall here like Rwan Cruz does to the Portland Timbers

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 19h

Hahahahahahahhaaaa holy shit

Douglas Reyes-Ceroñ @dreyesceron.bsky.social · 20h

this entire angle and the way Cruz rams right into the wall like a defensive end on a practice dummy is 🤌🏽

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 19h

I volunteer as tribute!

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 23h

more like the out cum

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 23h

BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAAAA

Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 1d

[kool keith voice] i eliminated 85% of microplastics from my ejaculate

a tweet from bryan johnson (the smooth technology man who will live forever) that opens with the phrase "I eliminated 85% of microplastics from my ejaculate."

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 23h

Goddamn

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 23h

hell yeag

and don’t sell yourself short!

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 23h

Look, we were all thinking it.

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 1d

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

spooky mental haunted house @jesseltaylor.bsky.social · 1d

NYC Mayoral Debate

MAMDANI: I want to make NYC a better place to live

CUOMO: I want Mandala over here to admit he can't do anything, because I can't do anything

SLIWA: I would drink a $27 Moscow mule from Andrew Cuomo's skull

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 1d

F*ck I just realized I need to re-up my Covid vax before I run into insurance loss hell in November.

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 1d

🥵

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 1d

BEST TATTOO DISCOURSE ON MY TL TODAY

Blue Heron Farm @blueheronfarm.bsky.social · 1d

Look what I got!!

Reposted by Bru

Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social · Dec 15

It has been a, uh, difficult week but I have not laughed louder and harder at something in a very long time than at this.

Reposted by Bru

Rory Blank @roryblank.bsky.social · 2d

10/21/2025

A loose drawing of a man wearing a trench coat and a hat, smoking a cigarette and scowling, text accompanying it says "'What a cool trench coat, that man must be a dangerous spy-' I thought they would say, but everyone just looks at me like they think I'm a pervert and I'm about to whip out my boner. No! My boners are for me and me alone!"

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 1d

Watched it again, the Kurt Cobain one is a holy relic as well

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 1d

Would definitely rock the A’s Pasta cap too

Reposted by Bru

Disney Prime Video + @disneyprimevideo.bsky.social · 1d

American Psycho (2000)

Cake boss Patrick Bateman brandishes a knife to test if a rubber duck, and he himself, is cake

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 1d

* gestures broadly *

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 1d

It was terrible, and then I found out so many people in my 35-45 age cohort had already experienced it. I was baffled.

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 1d

LAUNCHING A CRUSADE FOR THE HORNY ASTROS CAP

LuUuUuUuke Knox 👻 @lukeknox.me · 1d

these should all be mass-produced. every single one.

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 1d

Got it two months ago at 41, it was awesome (excruciating)!

Bru @brubaker.bsky.social · 1d

Attn @dryvetyme.bsky.social

Doug Mack @douglasmack.bsky.social · 2d

BTW, it really does appear that Tori Amos created the first known pumpkin spice latte.

(Not a joke!)

That's notable! She doesn't call it a "pumpkin spice latte" specifically, but it's all so close. Piecing the quote together with what we know about pumpkin pie spice and how it was used, I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. The skeptic in me thinks this can't possibly be true, but the researcher in me actually feels fairly confident in saying this: it sure looks like Tori Amos created the first known pumpkin spice latte.