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Jemma

@cygnus5.bsky.social

360 followers 120 following 1.2K posts

not a hayseed

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Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 25d

Unsolicited advice. With a side of judgment.

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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 6h

In 1980, my mom invented the double bow for shoe tying and revolutionized babysitting.

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Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 22h

Our pickleball team name is “Nirvana” cause we’re all apologies.

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Andreya @andreyasasylum.bsky.social · 1d

Once you’re over 40, getting 10,000 steps a day is meaningless. You just get to stay fat.

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Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 1d

Marriage is looking for something of yours your husband moved while he asks you where something else is.

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Chames @overlooked237.bsky.social · 2d

*brings a grilled cheese to a knife fight so someone will cut it into triangles for me*

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 2d

I think I missed my true calling as an unnamed tramp in a Charles Dickens novel.

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Robert Manchild @robertmanchild.com · Sep 9

By November 40 percent of my blood will be soup.

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Mary @anniemumary.bsky.social · 1d

I want to be the kind of person you can call and ask if I still have the Elvis build a bear costume from 1999 and a child’s magic set. The answer, of course, will be yes and that I just need a little time to dig it out.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 2d

You're beautiful when you're angry at that other guy.

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Jack @wakeupangry.bsky.social · 14d

I brought in garden tomatoes because you said your wife liked to make salsa and then you don’t stop by my office to pick them up after I message you is why I don’t bother making male friends at my age Keith.

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Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 3d

Oh look, it’s time for Easy Pants

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Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 3d

I doff my cap and get the hell out

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 3d

If you see an old guy in a flat cap headed to the woods while carrying an axe, a pick, and a shovel, he’s either going to make charcoal or settle a score. Either way, doff your cap

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 3d

Bluesky taught me the joy of blocking. I block people everywhere now. I just blocked an ex boyfriend on duolingo. I can't stop.

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Mary @anniemumary.bsky.social · 3d

I wasn’t only friends with her bc of her snoopy snow cone maker, but it didn’t hurt.

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jaypea but spooky @jpstarling.bsky.social · 4d

we haven’t had a big boat stuck in a while and I think we’re all feeling the pent up frustration of that

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Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 5d

We call our downstairs neighbor American Express because he’s everywhere you want to be.

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Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 6d

Another day, another diatribe

Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 6d

A mixture of mortification, shame, self loathing 🥲

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Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 6d

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 6d

The Germans have a word for when you say something that comes across wrong and there’s no way to fix it without making it worse and you think about it for days afterwards.

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 8d

I've reached the age where adventures cease rollicking

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Mary @anniemumary.bsky.social · 11d

Oh, I’m familiar with football minutes aka We now join Punky Brewster already in progress.

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Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 8d

Would it kill you to communicate you effing ignoramus

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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · Jun 25

Aioli is just mayonnaise that studied abroad.

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