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Hoofie Girl

@kaitisnotreal.bsky.social

2.1K followers 660 following 300 posts

Yes it's me. Me again. (No it's not) If you like my search link we're dating. Ever been catfished by a parody in the fake bitch light? Fake it til you break it Potato's Grandma The original Pony Baloney™️

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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · Mar 1

Every time I get a new follower, I buy a new pair of Snoopy panties

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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 1d

Love getting blocked for this post. Sorry about my thighs, okay?

Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 1d

I may be healthy as a horse, but I am fit as a fifty year old slice of bread and my thighs are a whole pudding casserole.

Wanna fuck?

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SpatialKimtamine @kimmalien.bsky.social · 4d

One month postpartum and I need to nair my moustache before my baby starts thinking I’m daddy

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 5d

Using the Scooby Doo model, scientists were able to run all the way to the edge of the universe by being chased over an unchanging background until they finally saw through the illusion and just tore the mask off of everything we know

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sophia 🦇♥️🦇 @sophamir.bsky.social · 5d

women should be weirder and more off putting

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Jin @jinah.bsky.social · 4d

“If u like piña coladas…”

“In 2007 a married couple in Bosnia started cheating online […] with each other

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grilled cheese 🧀 @grilldcheese.bsky.social · 5d

me, singing: AM I SEXUAL

my 4 buddies, wearily: yeaahh

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ceej @ceej.online · 5d

🎶 TAKE A LOOK AT MY PRETZELS

a cooling rack chock full of homemade pretzels of various shapes. they’re golden brown and covered in flaky salt

120 94 2.5K

Reposted by Hoofie Girl

Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 5d

Growling coming from your rolltop desk just because it looked like a mouth who wanted to open and that was the power of suggestionary over stationary. These autocorrects, they just don't call to you

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 10d

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Maybe you are paying for the cow's specialised pasteurization knowledge, you stupid fuck.

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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 13d

Putting some dumb dude in air jail and watching his legs kick and dangle

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 13d

My vagina could cure insomnia but men should stay awake and think about what they’ve done.

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La Femme Fatali @toomanycommas.bsky.social · 13d

It's weird to be too old to date men in their 30s when I still feel about as emotionally mature as a 35yo man.

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alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 13d

The puppeteer's union has rejected my slogan "We Need More Hand Jobs!"

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Los 🥑 @los-los.bsky.social · 13d

If you’re tired of me here imagine me texting you all day

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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 13d

Her clients or coworkers I guess? I don't speak Serbian except Ćao! which is the only word she has taught me

Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 13d

One of my coworkers speaks Serbian all day in a low voice and it's more soothing than a warm hoodie and a mug of hot chocolate

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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 16d

Texting Mom "exactly how much Tylenol did you take tho"

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 18d

The world: imploding, fighting, spiraling.

Me: here’s a nice picture of my cat, you’re welcome.

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Rogs Pumpkin 🎃 @stev.bsky.social · 19d

I sold a painting holy shit 😭

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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 19d

Do young adults know that I give not one shit if you call me cringe or think I am cringe or physically cringe when I speak? No one cares about your opinion, Jayden/Kaiden/Jacob/Emma, your frontal lobe isn't even formed

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Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 26d

You're right. I am a horse of a different color

Hoofie Girl @kaitisnotreal.bsky.social · 26d

I would never

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 26d

Blocked by horses.

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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · Sep 4

The best time to stop talking is approximately 5 minutes before I decide to every time

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