Reposted by Izz
im starting a foundation to introduce underprivileged children to forbidden techniques
April 5, 2025 at 2:01 AM
im starting a foundation to introduce underprivileged children to forbidden techniques
Reposted by Izz
Sorry babe tell your parents we’re not coming to dinner tonight. The cube I’ve been rotating in my mind has developed its own rich inner life, and i have become forlorn…
December 25, 2024 at 3:33 AM
Sorry babe tell your parents we’re not coming to dinner tonight. The cube I’ve been rotating in my mind has developed its own rich inner life, and i have become forlorn…
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sex is like an evil & more sinister version of cuddling
January 5, 2025 at 10:50 AM
sex is like an evil & more sinister version of cuddling
Reposted by Izz
I've owned the Simply Scrotum trademark for years now but could never figure out what good or service to offer
December 30, 2024 at 1:45 PM
I've owned the Simply Scrotum trademark for years now but could never figure out what good or service to offer
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babe don't move me i'm developing a nice sear
December 27, 2024 at 11:04 PM
babe don't move me i'm developing a nice sear
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There are many kinds of honcho. The head is not the only one
December 28, 2024 at 2:44 AM
There are many kinds of honcho. The head is not the only one
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just saw a commercial for a "double cheeseburger." two beef patties in the same burger. i've never heard of anything like that in my entire life. sign of the times i guess
December 28, 2024 at 3:18 AM
just saw a commercial for a "double cheeseburger." two beef patties in the same burger. i've never heard of anything like that in my entire life. sign of the times i guess
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People often think I’m up to something because of the way I scurry off as soon as I hear them coming but I have the physiognomy of a small rodent I literally can’t help but to scurry
December 28, 2024 at 7:05 AM
People often think I’m up to something because of the way I scurry off as soon as I hear them coming but I have the physiognomy of a small rodent I literally can’t help but to scurry
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[don draper voice] what if there was a car, you could fuck?
[sal flips over a poster board to reveal a chrysler with a fleshlight for a gas cap, the whole room gasps]
[sal flips over a poster board to reveal a chrysler with a fleshlight for a gas cap, the whole room gasps]
August 17, 2023 at 11:28 PM
[don draper voice] what if there was a car, you could fuck?
[sal flips over a poster board to reveal a chrysler with a fleshlight for a gas cap, the whole room gasps]
[sal flips over a poster board to reveal a chrysler with a fleshlight for a gas cap, the whole room gasps]
Reposted by Izz
Has anyone bothered to ask Die Hard what it thinks?
December 26, 2024 at 10:40 PM
Has anyone bothered to ask Die Hard what it thinks?
Reposted by Izz
sorry, i dont know where else i can ask this: is it ok for my bathtub to get a little wet sometimes? i try to catch all the water with my body but sometimes it splashes a bit and it lands on the tub. i just wanna make sure i'm not damaging it. thanks in advance
July 4, 2023 at 8:31 PM
sorry, i dont know where else i can ask this: is it ok for my bathtub to get a little wet sometimes? i try to catch all the water with my body but sometimes it splashes a bit and it lands on the tub. i just wanna make sure i'm not damaging it. thanks in advance
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whenever i'm running down a hallway and someone tries to stop me by dumping a bucket of marbles in front of me, it works. i stop to eat the marbles every single time
December 26, 2024 at 7:28 PM
whenever i'm running down a hallway and someone tries to stop me by dumping a bucket of marbles in front of me, it works. i stop to eat the marbles every single time
Reposted by Izz
Reposted by Izz
Finally got into that space under the sofa where my cat likes to hide her toys and I found a stack of museum blueprints and a grappling hook
December 27, 2024 at 4:38 PM
Finally got into that space under the sofa where my cat likes to hide her toys and I found a stack of museum blueprints and a grappling hook
Reposted by Izz
as your doctor i’m recommending that you try and eat as many scorpions as you can
December 27, 2024 at 6:35 AM
as your doctor i’m recommending that you try and eat as many scorpions as you can
Reposted by Izz
People love talking about a thing they know a single thing about almost as much as they love talking about a thing they know zero things about
December 26, 2024 at 9:52 PM
People love talking about a thing they know a single thing about almost as much as they love talking about a thing they know zero things about
Reposted by Izz
Me: *apologizing for being a little groggy when I first wake up*
Uber Riders in my Backseat: *pointing and screaming*
Uber Riders in my Backseat: *pointing and screaming*
November 22, 2024 at 11:09 AM
Me: *apologizing for being a little groggy when I first wake up*
Uber Riders in my Backseat: *pointing and screaming*
Uber Riders in my Backseat: *pointing and screaming*
Reposted by Izz
For sale: ship of theseus
Condition: used, like new
Condition: used, like new
December 21, 2024 at 6:02 PM
For sale: ship of theseus
Condition: used, like new
Condition: used, like new
Reposted by Izz
Almost time to eat the tree
December 26, 2024 at 3:16 AM
Almost time to eat the tree
Reposted by Izz
(To the mouse in my house) You know, last night you had no problem not stirring
December 26, 2024 at 12:40 AM
(To the mouse in my house) You know, last night you had no problem not stirring