durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis
@durtmchurtt.bsky.social
4.6K followers 180 following 820 posts
Jerkules.
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durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 1d
CRIMINAL: are you wearing a wire?

ME: *secretly wearing my wife’s bra* how did you know?
2 6 30
Reposted by Little Greenis
uncleduke1969.bsky.social
Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 2d
this is what you get when you soak a german shepherd in mountain dew
Smiling chihuahua with black and tan shepherd coloring, bug eyes and missing front tooth.
110 220 2.5K
durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 2d
Here’s a list of people who can throw a ball farther than me:

1: everyone
7 14 130
durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 2d
Wait, I can cha-cha real smoother.
4
Reposted by Little Greenis
wildethingy.bsky.social
Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social · 3d
Me: I wish I was the most beautiful person in the world.
Genie: done
Me: *looking in mirror* But I still look the same...
Genie: Just wait until you see everybody else.
2 6 44
durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 3d
[eating cookies at the library]

Sir, is that snack nut free?

Not that it’s any of your business but I definitely didn’t jizz in this batch.
1 4
durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 4d
[emerging from a ball pit, levitating with several balls orbiting around me]

You’re going to regret throwing that, Brandon
3 7 39
Reposted by Little Greenis
lacroixboi.dadguy.help
presentdead🙋🏻‍♂️👻 @lacroixboi.dadguy.help · 5d
the tumble setting on a dryer can be used to make cement but only once
15 100 440
Reposted by Little Greenis
dak.bsky.social
Dak @dak.bsky.social · 4d
Family vacations were just us standing in a parking lot eating ketchup packets. ‘Imagine it’s France,’ Dad mumbled, crying into a napkin.
7 20 78
Reposted by Little Greenis
thepunningman.bsky.social
Sean Leahy @thepunningman.bsky.social · Dec 2
"The bond's Name. James Name"
Pleased to... what?
"Bond Name's the james"
Are you alright?
"Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance"
19 110 370
Reposted by Little Greenis
napveg.bsky.social
𝙣𝙖𝙥𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙤𝙣 𝙫𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙢𝙞𝙩𝙚™ @napveg.bsky.social · 6d
me, after a one night stand:
A sign reading “nice to meat you”
2 5 16
durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 6d
I’ll never forget the day my uncle fixed his first turbine engine, we were all blown away.
10 31
Reposted by Little Greenis
theciscokidder.bsky.social
Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 6d
Got tear away pants for this colonoscopy prep.
43 130 440
Reposted by Little Greenis
benedictsred.bsky.social
Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 8d
September 30 October 1
Mike Myers Michael Myers
14 280 1.2K
Reposted by Little Greenis
sofarrsogud.bsky.social
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · Jun 23
DATE: So what do you do?

ME: I race cars.

HER: That’s so cool. Have you won many races?

ME: No, the cars are much faster.
5 140 630
durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 6d
Nice pun, bet you thought I was gonna eat crow.
1 1
durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 6d
When I was young my mom asked “how are you and the new babysitter making out?” I replied “with a lot of tongue.” She didn’t laugh but I knew she found it funny because she made me tell the joke again to a police officer later that day. I never saw that babysitter again, hope she’s doing well.
1 2 27
Reposted by Little Greenis
uncleduke1969.bsky.social
Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 7d
what the green flag means at a NASCAR race
a bag of "Get Movin' Crackers."
10 130 590
Reposted by Little Greenis
uncleduke1969.bsky.social
Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 7d
no way i’m falling for this a third time
Sign reads “Parking for BJ’s in rear of building.”
27 150 770
durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 6d
Welcome to crow club, thanks for joining our caws.
3 20 94
Reposted by Little Greenis
wapplehouse.bsky.social
Kristi Yamaguccimane @wapplehouse.bsky.social · Jan 27
Grimace if he sold crack
48 180 2.3K
durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 7d
HER: I’m a genealogist.

ME: that’s crazy, I just finished watching Aladdin.
3 58 300
durtmchurtt.bsky.social
Little Greenis @durtmchurtt.bsky.social · 12d
[bank teller describing me to the police]

He was really out of breath, couldn’t carry a lot of money. Had Shrek stickers on his gun…called it a SHREK-9.
27 110
Reposted by Little Greenis
prof-hinkley.bsky.social
Travis comma bitch @prof-hinkley.bsky.social · Oct 21
I showed my bluesky account to my psychiatrist and she said I could pick whatever medication I want
30 380 1.9K
Reposted by Little Greenis
sofarrsogud.bsky.social
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 16d
My girlfriend kept on asking me to go spelunking with her so eventually I caved.
16 110 570