@maseshakes.bsky.social
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i mean, there’s definitely just a nurse at that hospital who jerked him off once & he can’t let it go, right?
BRAZIL'S IMPRISONED FORMER PRESIDENT BOLSONARO BEING TAKEN TO HOSPITAL FOR TESTS AFTER FALLING, HITTING HEAD, WIFE SAYS
January 6, 2026 at 4:21 PM
i mean, there’s definitely just a nurse at that hospital who jerked him off once & he can’t let it go, right?
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[at the blood bank]
"oh no, I just labeled all these blood bags incorrectly."
"so they aren't type As?"
"no they're all typos."
"oh no, I just labeled all these blood bags incorrectly."
"so they aren't type As?"
"no they're all typos."
January 5, 2026 at 7:57 PM
[at the blood bank]
"oh no, I just labeled all these blood bags incorrectly."
"so they aren't type As?"
"no they're all typos."
"oh no, I just labeled all these blood bags incorrectly."
"so they aren't type As?"
"no they're all typos."
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Y’all might not appreciate it, but it took him 87 moves and 14 hours to get here
December 26, 2025 at 12:48 PM
Y’all might not appreciate it, but it took him 87 moves and 14 hours to get here
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if i'm private ryan i am so pissed at hanks for that "earn this" shit. oh did my three dead brothers not cover the bill? fuck you. gonna drag my family to your grave in 50 years so they can see me piss on it. gonna tell em the last thing your dumb dead ass did is try to kill a tank with your sidearm
December 24, 2025 at 12:57 AM
if i'm private ryan i am so pissed at hanks for that "earn this" shit. oh did my three dead brothers not cover the bill? fuck you. gonna drag my family to your grave in 50 years so they can see me piss on it. gonna tell em the last thing your dumb dead ass did is try to kill a tank with your sidearm
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Texted a photo of this burned-out outlet to my electrician and he called me and told me completely deadpan “oh just wipe the black off and it’s fine” and I was like “wait really??” and he started cracking up and was like “no dude sorry, I was kidding, it’s ruined,” and now so is my pride
December 24, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Texted a photo of this burned-out outlet to my electrician and he called me and told me completely deadpan “oh just wipe the black off and it’s fine” and I was like “wait really??” and he started cracking up and was like “no dude sorry, I was kidding, it’s ruined,” and now so is my pride
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CHOTINER: and when you're in water you
PARTICLE MAN: don't get wet, that's right.
CHOTINER: And this is because
PARTICLE MAN: the water gets me instead. It becomes particle-manish
CHOTINER: There's been some debate on this point. Triangle Man, for example
PARTICLE MAN: I think we're done here
PARTICLE MAN: don't get wet, that's right.
CHOTINER: And this is because
PARTICLE MAN: the water gets me instead. It becomes particle-manish
CHOTINER: There's been some debate on this point. Triangle Man, for example
PARTICLE MAN: I think we're done here
December 23, 2025 at 3:24 AM
CHOTINER: and when you're in water you
PARTICLE MAN: don't get wet, that's right.
CHOTINER: And this is because
PARTICLE MAN: the water gets me instead. It becomes particle-manish
CHOTINER: There's been some debate on this point. Triangle Man, for example
PARTICLE MAN: I think we're done here
PARTICLE MAN: don't get wet, that's right.
CHOTINER: And this is because
PARTICLE MAN: the water gets me instead. It becomes particle-manish
CHOTINER: There's been some debate on this point. Triangle Man, for example
PARTICLE MAN: I think we're done here
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I love working at the Department of Justice and participating in a conspiracy to cover up the demented 80 year old president's sex crimes. I spend 18 hours a day redacting documents and there's a putrid husk where my soul used to be
December 20, 2025 at 12:15 AM
I love working at the Department of Justice and participating in a conspiracy to cover up the demented 80 year old president's sex crimes. I spend 18 hours a day redacting documents and there's a putrid husk where my soul used to be
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“when the time comes, some people are just there to get knocked out” is some scorsese shit
Incredible words from real boxer Anthony Joshua after he knocked Jake Paul the fuck out lol
December 20, 2025 at 2:19 PM
“when the time comes, some people are just there to get knocked out” is some scorsese shit
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The kind .. you find … in a second hand store
December 14, 2025 at 10:54 AM
The kind .. you find … in a second hand store
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GOD: if my commandments get 50,000 likes, i will tell Abraham to kill his son
December 11, 2025 at 7:24 PM
GOD: if my commandments get 50,000 likes, i will tell Abraham to kill his son
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"there's a new serif in town"
Marco Rubio ordered diplomats to return to using Times New Roman font in official communications, calling his predecessor's decision to adopt Calibri a “wasteful” diversity move
Rubio Stages Font Coup: Times New Roman Ousts Calibri
The secretary of state called it a "wasteful" diversity move, according to an internal department cable seen by Reuters.
www.huffpost.com
December 10, 2025 at 1:06 AM
"there's a new serif in town"
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this is about Steve Cropper and a man once voted "ugliest bartender in Cincinnati"
December 8, 2025 at 2:49 AM
this is about Steve Cropper and a man once voted "ugliest bartender in Cincinnati"
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one small cool detail of Christmas Vacation is that the staple gun Clark uses (an Arrow T-50) is exactly the same as the model sold today. a quality product that always works well, is easy to clear any of jams, and hasn’t been tinkered with in 30+ years
December 6, 2025 at 5:13 PM
one small cool detail of Christmas Vacation is that the staple gun Clark uses (an Arrow T-50) is exactly the same as the model sold today. a quality product that always works well, is easy to clear any of jams, and hasn’t been tinkered with in 30+ years
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check out my new website where I list the names and addresses of everyone who has ever said something mean about me online. which doesn’t bother me by the way
November 30, 2025 at 5:31 AM
check out my new website where I list the names and addresses of everyone who has ever said something mean about me online. which doesn’t bother me by the way
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TRUMP: and this Daniel, he went into the den?
MAMDANI: The lion's den, yes
TRUMP: surely they ate him
MAMDANI: Here's the part where it gets a little Broadway: they didn't
TRUMP: Unbelievable
MAMDANI: The lion's den, yes
TRUMP: surely they ate him
MAMDANI: Here's the part where it gets a little Broadway: they didn't
TRUMP: Unbelievable
November 21, 2025 at 9:41 PM
TRUMP: and this Daniel, he went into the den?
MAMDANI: The lion's den, yes
TRUMP: surely they ate him
MAMDANI: Here's the part where it gets a little Broadway: they didn't
TRUMP: Unbelievable
MAMDANI: The lion's den, yes
TRUMP: surely they ate him
MAMDANI: Here's the part where it gets a little Broadway: they didn't
TRUMP: Unbelievable
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Shit. bsky.app/profile/ntpn...
Isn’t that just a posting strike?
November 12, 2025 at 8:03 PM
Shit. bsky.app/profile/ntpn...
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I just randomly remembered this “can he shoot?” moment with DLo and Hose Alvarado and I had to go find it. 😆
November 12, 2025 at 7:33 PM
I just randomly remembered this “can he shoot?” moment with DLo and Hose Alvarado and I had to go find it. 😆
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you know what must be really funny is the classes where they teach new cops how to do all the weird legalistic phrasing they all do. bunch of dumbfuck corn pone fascists must be like teaching magic spells to orcs
October 30, 2025 at 5:03 AM
you know what must be really funny is the classes where they teach new cops how to do all the weird legalistic phrasing they all do. bunch of dumbfuck corn pone fascists must be like teaching magic spells to orcs
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this must be so infuriating for the beaver
October 29, 2025 at 12:50 PM
this must be so infuriating for the beaver
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The Halls of Medicine implies the existence of the Oates of Law
October 29, 2025 at 3:32 AM
The Halls of Medicine implies the existence of the Oates of Law
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Man Has Favorite Hot Dog Place For Every Level Of Sobriety https://theonion.com/man-has-favorite-hot-dog-place-for-every-level-of-sobriety/
October 22, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Man Has Favorite Hot Dog Place For Every Level Of Sobriety https://theonion.com/man-has-favorite-hot-dog-place-for-every-level-of-sobriety/
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This is an objectively hilarious way to describe "writing down a list"
This minimalist, paper-based to-do manager can help you focus on completing your important tasks while staying offline. nyti.ms/4h8ijiC
October 16, 2025 at 10:49 PM
This is an objectively hilarious way to describe "writing down a list"
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So Hulk Hogan, why are you a great candidate for the Administrative Assistant position?
Hulk Hogan:
Hulk Hogan:
October 6, 2025 at 3:16 PM
So Hulk Hogan, why are you a great candidate for the Administrative Assistant position?
Hulk Hogan:
Hulk Hogan:
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Family Watches In Silence As Dad Checks Out Waitress https://theonion.com/family-watches-in-silence-as-dad-checks-out-waitress-1819575716/
October 6, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Family Watches In Silence As Dad Checks Out Waitress https://theonion.com/family-watches-in-silence-as-dad-checks-out-waitress-1819575716/