@osaka-anjuu.bsky.social
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It's hard to get close to me because of my big knife
January 29, 2025 at 3:29 PM
It's hard to get close to me because of my big knife
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[playing poker]
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
December 17, 2024 at 11:08 PM
[playing poker]
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
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Hey Alexa do I fucking stutter
January 30, 2025 at 4:23 AM
Hey Alexa do I fucking stutter
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I bet one of the worst things about being Sisyphus is pushing that darn boulder
January 11, 2024 at 7:21 PM
I bet one of the worst things about being Sisyphus is pushing that darn boulder
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Alexa, invade Luxembourg.
January 6, 2025 at 6:06 AM
Alexa, invade Luxembourg.
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If a bear attacks you play dead. Unless it’s a koala bear then kiss it right on the mouth
January 4, 2025 at 7:29 AM
If a bear attacks you play dead. Unless it’s a koala bear then kiss it right on the mouth
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My dog started a podcast.
It’s 4 hours of him barking at squirrels, but the intro music slaps
It’s 4 hours of him barking at squirrels, but the intro music slaps
January 2, 2025 at 5:49 AM
My dog started a podcast.
It’s 4 hours of him barking at squirrels, but the intro music slaps
It’s 4 hours of him barking at squirrels, but the intro music slaps
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Any fruit can be a passion fruit if you stick your dick in it.
January 4, 2025 at 12:43 PM
Any fruit can be a passion fruit if you stick your dick in it.
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Rube Goldberg: Sorry I'm late, the chicken didn't knock over the watering can
November 27, 2024 at 4:40 AM
Rube Goldberg: Sorry I'm late, the chicken didn't knock over the watering can
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A who in whoville has more dna in common with a rat than it does with an elf
December 24, 2024 at 4:04 AM
A who in whoville has more dna in common with a rat than it does with an elf
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replicant or repliwont
December 22, 2024 at 9:53 PM
replicant or repliwont
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Mermaids implies the existence of Merbutlers.
December 16, 2024 at 9:11 PM
Mermaids implies the existence of Merbutlers.
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I ask, "want to see my balls?" way more than any girl should.
December 16, 2024 at 10:30 PM
I ask, "want to see my balls?" way more than any girl should.
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I'm never not disappointed when a woman says she's going through "the change" and doesn't become a transformer
December 16, 2024 at 10:32 PM
I'm never not disappointed when a woman says she's going through "the change" and doesn't become a transformer
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Getting my wife to try tantric sex so we can "strengthen our connection" then once we start I'll switch to regular cuz "I don't got all day"
December 9, 2024 at 8:34 AM
Getting my wife to try tantric sex so we can "strengthen our connection" then once we start I'll switch to regular cuz "I don't got all day"
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microwave: would you like your food too hot or too cold
me: what if you cooked it just right
microwave: wHaT iF You COoKeD it JuST RiGht lmao ok goldilocks
me: what if you cooked it just right
microwave: wHaT iF You COoKeD it JuST RiGht lmao ok goldilocks
May 29, 2023 at 2:55 PM
microwave: would you like your food too hot or too cold
me: what if you cooked it just right
microwave: wHaT iF You COoKeD it JuST RiGht lmao ok goldilocks
me: what if you cooked it just right
microwave: wHaT iF You COoKeD it JuST RiGht lmao ok goldilocks
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woodchuck: (seeing some unchucked wood) what the fuck is this
December 8, 2024 at 5:29 PM
woodchuck: (seeing some unchucked wood) what the fuck is this
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you can lead a horse to wang chung but you can’t make it have fun
December 10, 2024 at 1:48 AM
you can lead a horse to wang chung but you can’t make it have fun
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If you put a lasagna on top of another lasagna, it’s no longer two lasagnas. It’s one giant lasagna. THAT is the power of lasagna.
November 23, 2024 at 6:21 AM
If you put a lasagna on top of another lasagna, it’s no longer two lasagnas. It’s one giant lasagna. THAT is the power of lasagna.
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I don't want to brag, but I snuck up on a Tai Chi dude in the park and choked him right the fuck out.
December 10, 2024 at 2:17 AM
I don't want to brag, but I snuck up on a Tai Chi dude in the park and choked him right the fuck out.
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Yup
December 5, 2024 at 8:01 AM
Yup
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Teacher: What is the first rule of thermodynamics?
Me: We don't talk about thermodynamics
Me: We don't talk about thermodynamics
December 4, 2024 at 8:50 PM
Teacher: What is the first rule of thermodynamics?
Me: We don't talk about thermodynamics
Me: We don't talk about thermodynamics
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Deck the halls. Get em good. Make them pay for what they did.
December 2, 2024 at 4:37 PM
Deck the halls. Get em good. Make them pay for what they did.