Gary Muppet
@garymuppet.bsky.social
Self-proclaimed employee-of-the-month
Just a Muppet whatnot and whatnot
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:xdmrssx67g4mjhhcvqjefavz/feed/aaaknygufbgdu
Just a Muppet whatnot and whatnot
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:xdmrssx67g4mjhhcvqjefavz/feed/aaaknygufbgdu
Pinned
Gary Muppet
@garymuppet.bsky.social
· Nov 17
57 minutes until sunset, driving down a gravel road and hoping the deer stay clear as he pretends there's no work in the morning.
Reposted by Gary Muppet
Reposted by Gary Muppet
I'm not alone. I have forever chemicals
January 13, 2026 at 4:12 PM
I'm not alone. I have forever chemicals
Reposted by Gary Muppet
Did I take this edible—
or did this edible take ME!?
or did this edible take ME!?
January 13, 2026 at 9:36 PM
Did I take this edible—
or did this edible take ME!?
or did this edible take ME!?
Reposted by Gary Muppet
the optimism of adding “final_final.” to the end of a document before saving it for the seventh time
January 13, 2026 at 10:15 AM
the optimism of adding “final_final.” to the end of a document before saving it for the seventh time
Reposted by Gary Muppet
If you scream sing Phantom of the Opera throughout the day, more times than not, people will leave you alone.
January 13, 2026 at 12:24 PM
If you scream sing Phantom of the Opera throughout the day, more times than not, people will leave you alone.
You can run but you can’t hide from the Alumni Association
January 13, 2026 at 5:39 AM
You can run but you can’t hide from the Alumni Association
Reposted by Gary Muppet
Dear automakers: Please give us more than six choices in car colors. Your shit is boring.
January 12, 2026 at 11:13 PM
Dear automakers: Please give us more than six choices in car colors. Your shit is boring.
Reposted by Gary Muppet
I’m basically an iPhone on 2% with 47 apps open.
January 13, 2026 at 12:18 AM
I’m basically an iPhone on 2% with 47 apps open.
reskeet this with your home river.
Grew up on the Colorado. Now on the Missouri.
“America [was] a great story, and there is a river on every page of it.”
Grew up on the Colorado. Now on the Missouri.
“America [was] a great story, and there is a river on every page of it.”
reskeet this with your home river.
Mine is the Susquehanna
Mine is the Susquehanna
reskeet this with your home river.
Mine is the Hudson River
Mine is the Hudson River
January 13, 2026 at 1:32 AM
reskeet this with your home river.
Grew up on the Colorado. Now on the Missouri.
“America [was] a great story, and there is a river on every page of it.”
Grew up on the Colorado. Now on the Missouri.
“America [was] a great story, and there is a river on every page of it.”
Reposted by Gary Muppet
hey friends, I'm doing stand up at Grove 34 in NYC on January 20th at 7 pm, and it's FREE. Yes, it's the one-year anniversary of Trump's inauguration. But it's also the zero-year anniversary of this show. Which will be more consequential? Only history can tell. Tix below
January 12, 2026 at 5:42 PM
hey friends, I'm doing stand up at Grove 34 in NYC on January 20th at 7 pm, and it's FREE. Yes, it's the one-year anniversary of Trump's inauguration. But it's also the zero-year anniversary of this show. Which will be more consequential? Only history can tell. Tix below
Reposted by Gary Muppet
I want my obituary to state, "The bitch kicked ass at Wordle."
January 12, 2026 at 11:47 AM
I want my obituary to state, "The bitch kicked ass at Wordle."
Reposted by Gary Muppet
Reposted by Gary Muppet
It’s been so long since I shopped for groceries it’s just the string cheese keeping me alive.
January 12, 2026 at 12:04 AM
It’s been so long since I shopped for groceries it’s just the string cheese keeping me alive.
Reposted by Gary Muppet
I don't know where all these fucking gray hairs are coming from that I'm finding all over the house.
January 11, 2026 at 8:32 PM
I don't know where all these fucking gray hairs are coming from that I'm finding all over the house.
Reposted by Gary Muppet
i’m like if a goth wore pink and purple with sequins
January 11, 2026 at 7:37 PM
i’m like if a goth wore pink and purple with sequins
Reposted by Gary Muppet
Would it have killed George Lucas to make at least one movie with pretty Darth Vader causing mischief across the galaxy before he gets dropped into the fondue pot that is Mustafar?
January 11, 2026 at 7:47 PM
Would it have killed George Lucas to make at least one movie with pretty Darth Vader causing mischief across the galaxy before he gets dropped into the fondue pot that is Mustafar?
Reposted by Gary Muppet
CAPTCHA: are you a robot
ME: no
CAPTCHA: are you ICE
ME: what no
CAPTCHA: cuz if ur ICE fuck you get the fuck out of here you fucking racist nazi loser
ME: no
CAPTCHA: are you ICE
ME: what no
CAPTCHA: cuz if ur ICE fuck you get the fuck out of here you fucking racist nazi loser
January 11, 2026 at 4:27 PM
CAPTCHA: are you a robot
ME: no
CAPTCHA: are you ICE
ME: what no
CAPTCHA: cuz if ur ICE fuck you get the fuck out of here you fucking racist nazi loser
ME: no
CAPTCHA: are you ICE
ME: what no
CAPTCHA: cuz if ur ICE fuck you get the fuck out of here you fucking racist nazi loser
Reposted by Gary Muppet
I really need to hire someone else to put music to my life because the current DJ is a bummer.
January 11, 2026 at 5:12 PM
I really need to hire someone else to put music to my life because the current DJ is a bummer.
Reposted by Gary Muppet
I may not know much about sports, but at least I don't have fantasies about football
January 11, 2026 at 3:09 PM
I may not know much about sports, but at least I don't have fantasies about football
It wasn’t anywhere to be found, and Gary just knew it was because he put it somewhere he “wouldn’t forget.”
January 11, 2026 at 3:55 AM
It wasn’t anywhere to be found, and Gary just knew it was because he put it somewhere he “wouldn’t forget.”
Reposted by Gary Muppet
[An alderman, a comptroller, and an ombudsman walk into a bar]
Bartender: Why the weird job titles?
Bartender: Why the weird job titles?
January 11, 2026 at 3:08 AM
[An alderman, a comptroller, and an ombudsman walk into a bar]
Bartender: Why the weird job titles?
Bartender: Why the weird job titles?
Reposted by Gary Muppet
get in, no time to explain
January 10, 2026 at 8:44 PM
get in, no time to explain
Reposted by Gary Muppet
free manure available
January 10, 2026 at 6:49 PM
free manure available
Reposted by Gary Muppet
i just want to go on record and say that i would never free zoo animals cause that’s not allowed. so if you ever hear anything about that just go ahead and disregard it, okay?
January 9, 2026 at 4:49 PM
i just want to go on record and say that i would never free zoo animals cause that’s not allowed. so if you ever hear anything about that just go ahead and disregard it, okay?