New year, *like* new Cela
@kuzmaniak.bsky.social
Not an actuary
In Denver mostly
In Denver mostly
Pinned
The solemn New Year's ritual of closing 30+ tabs of expired gift articles
So... is there a mister mrs. claus
December 21, 2025 at 12:05 AM
So... is there a mister mrs. claus
If you are looking for a team to root for the next couple of weeks may I present to you the Kuzmaniaks who snuck into the playoffs on a three game losing streak then knocked out the number one seed to get into the championship 🏈🥳
December 20, 2025 at 11:41 PM
If you are looking for a team to root for the next couple of weeks may I present to you the Kuzmaniaks who snuck into the playoffs on a three game losing streak then knocked out the number one seed to get into the championship 🏈🥳
Yelling at my family for sending me photos without alt text
December 7, 2025 at 11:43 PM
Yelling at my family for sending me photos without alt text
You can still nut in november if you get a note from your doctor
November 9, 2025 at 9:14 PM
You can still nut in november if you get a note from your doctor
If George Lucas made fleabag that scene would be Mamdani now and you could only get the Obama one on vhs
November 8, 2025 at 4:38 AM
If George Lucas made fleabag that scene would be Mamdani now and you could only get the Obama one on vhs
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Right about now, the honk shoo brother
November 6, 2025 at 2:02 PM
Right about now, the honk shoo brother
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anyone who posts on social media is a loser
November 1, 2025 at 10:38 PM
anyone who posts on social media is a loser
Urgent! Been saving daylight for months - now it turns out it's worth nothing?? If you can use it it's yours but you haul it. Serious inquiries only!!
November 1, 2025 at 10:34 PM
Urgent! Been saving daylight for months - now it turns out it's worth nothing?? If you can use it it's yours but you haul it. Serious inquiries only!!
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Taurus: Things aren’t as bad as they seem, they’re worse.
October 19, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Taurus: Things aren’t as bad as they seem, they’re worse.
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they should invent a sad where allowing yourself to feel sad fixes the problem that is making you so sad
October 18, 2025 at 12:16 AM
they should invent a sad where allowing yourself to feel sad fixes the problem that is making you so sad
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When people say to me “I’ve had enough of your nonsense” I give them a little more of my nonsense, in case they were just being polite.
August 13, 2023 at 5:08 PM
When people say to me “I’ve had enough of your nonsense” I give them a little more of my nonsense, in case they were just being polite.
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This is not what the 21st century looked like in the brochure.
October 13, 2025 at 1:27 PM
This is not what the 21st century looked like in the brochure.
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Guys am I annoying?
October 7, 2025 at 12:12 PM
Guys am I annoying?
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I'm sorry for what I said when I was speaking
October 12, 2025 at 7:32 AM
I'm sorry for what I said when I was speaking
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re made of the same stuff as the sun so go and
blind the world with your brilliance or light the way or implode and suck everything in your path into your hole
blind the world with your brilliance or light the way or implode and suck everything in your path into your hole
October 8, 2025 at 1:26 PM
I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re made of the same stuff as the sun so go and
blind the world with your brilliance or light the way or implode and suck everything in your path into your hole
blind the world with your brilliance or light the way or implode and suck everything in your path into your hole
Reposted by New year, *like* new Cela
me as a kid: *falls 10 feet from the monkey bars* I’m ok
me now: I tried to scoop ice cream that was a little too frozen and I dislocated my shoulder
me now: I tried to scoop ice cream that was a little too frozen and I dislocated my shoulder
October 6, 2025 at 11:29 PM
me as a kid: *falls 10 feet from the monkey bars* I’m ok
me now: I tried to scoop ice cream that was a little too frozen and I dislocated my shoulder
me now: I tried to scoop ice cream that was a little too frozen and I dislocated my shoulder
You’ve made a very powerless enemy today
October 8, 2025 at 2:31 AM
You’ve made a very powerless enemy today
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I know you guys relied on me but I’m officially out of life hacks. Good luck, every man for himself
September 28, 2025 at 8:55 PM
I know you guys relied on me but I’m officially out of life hacks. Good luck, every man for himself
Reposted by New year, *like* new Cela
I don't understand the appeal of chicken wings. Like, here's some spicy bones, you'll need a shower afterwards.
September 28, 2025 at 7:26 PM
I don't understand the appeal of chicken wings. Like, here's some spicy bones, you'll need a shower afterwards.
quote an unfiltered photo and say your age
55
55
September 20, 2025 at 5:07 AM
quote an unfiltered photo and say your age
55
55
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There are sooo many football sex words it is implausible that they're not trying to do it.
September 20, 2025 at 2:57 AM
There are sooo many football sex words it is implausible that they're not trying to do it.
The thing about not having a lot of followers is I can still give each of you a little kiss on the forehead as I tuck you in every night. The big accounts can’t give you that.
September 19, 2025 at 6:00 AM
The thing about not having a lot of followers is I can still give each of you a little kiss on the forehead as I tuck you in every night. The big accounts can’t give you that.
Who even built this hotrod
September 18, 2025 at 12:24 AM
Who even built this hotrod
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this email could have been a message in a bottle floating out at sea
September 17, 2025 at 9:04 PM
this email could have been a message in a bottle floating out at sea