Uncle Kermit
@unclekermit.bsky.social
Buffoon, Drunk, Failure.
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow
Pinned
If you put any more testosterone into me I become too sexy, like those Right, Said Fred guys.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
White Privilege should be added to the DSM-5.
November 26, 2025 at 3:48 AM
White Privilege should be added to the DSM-5.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
*making chomping noises while going down on her*
November 24, 2025 at 12:22 AM
*making chomping noises while going down on her*
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Never be afraid to avoid new things.
November 22, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Never be afraid to avoid new things.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Have you tried being even more slothful and lazy
November 25, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Have you tried being even more slothful and lazy
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I’m great at flirting but only with the Costco lady handing out probiotic samples and only for two lines
November 25, 2025 at 1:38 AM
I’m great at flirting but only with the Costco lady handing out probiotic samples and only for two lines
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I don’t know about you, but I pronounce it gyro.
November 22, 2025 at 7:32 PM
I don’t know about you, but I pronounce it gyro.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Stop pretending like your gravy doesn't come from a can, your stuffing doesn't come from a box and your potatoes aren't instant
November 22, 2025 at 11:39 PM
Stop pretending like your gravy doesn't come from a can, your stuffing doesn't come from a box and your potatoes aren't instant
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
People who invite that creepy Elf on the Shelf into their home clearly haven’t watched enough horror movies.
December 2, 2024 at 11:04 AM
People who invite that creepy Elf on the Shelf into their home clearly haven’t watched enough horror movies.
Shaving my legs takes forever, but it is so worth it.
November 26, 2025 at 1:09 AM
Shaving my legs takes forever, but it is so worth it.
Some songs remind me how much I hate Steve Miller. Like Steve Miller songs.
November 26, 2025 at 12:56 AM
Some songs remind me how much I hate Steve Miller. Like Steve Miller songs.
I'm not one to beg for charity, but I can never refuse the gift of ham.
November 26, 2025 at 12:55 AM
I'm not one to beg for charity, but I can never refuse the gift of ham.
Once again it is the holiday season, a time of year when someone might buy me a ham.
November 25, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Once again it is the holiday season, a time of year when someone might buy me a ham.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Noise cancelling headphones for the garbage in my head
November 25, 2025 at 3:56 AM
Noise cancelling headphones for the garbage in my head
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
a soup bowl that changes color once your soup has cooled to an optimal temperature
November 25, 2025 at 12:12 AM
a soup bowl that changes color once your soup has cooled to an optimal temperature
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
There will always be a special place in my heart for my atrioventricular septum.
November 23, 2025 at 11:17 PM
There will always be a special place in my heart for my atrioventricular septum.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I was made to be the strange woman in tatters in the hut outside the village looking into the cold ashes of the fire and saying things like "What you're asking for has a terrible price."
Trying to decide on a career for when the economy crashes and we return to the ancient times. I'm leaning toward soothsayer but I'm also open to banditry
November 24, 2025 at 10:51 PM
I was made to be the strange woman in tatters in the hut outside the village looking into the cold ashes of the fire and saying things like "What you're asking for has a terrible price."
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I might just start talking like this.
November 25, 2025 at 12:00 AM
I might just start talking like this.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
If I had a time machine me and Duke Ellington would ride our bikes to the Cape Cod Canal and we’d fish for stripers at sunset.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
November 24, 2025 at 10:33 PM
If I had a time machine me and Duke Ellington would ride our bikes to the Cape Cod Canal and we’d fish for stripers at sunset.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
as far as I know, I have achieved immortality
November 24, 2025 at 11:37 PM
as far as I know, I have achieved immortality
You'll get the chair for this, Charlie Brown.
November 24, 2025 at 11:59 PM
You'll get the chair for this, Charlie Brown.
It's Curtains for you, Charlie Brown.
November 24, 2025 at 10:52 PM
It's Curtains for you, Charlie Brown.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Help, I’m chunky and I can’t stop eating
November 24, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Help, I’m chunky and I can’t stop eating
We're having tofu lasagna for Thanksgiving this year. It's been a tough one and were not really very thankful.
November 24, 2025 at 2:48 AM
We're having tofu lasagna for Thanksgiving this year. It's been a tough one and were not really very thankful.
I'm the guy who leave the shoes on the beach with feet inside.
November 24, 2025 at 2:47 AM
I'm the guy who leave the shoes on the beach with feet inside.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Just had a random passenger, college student, overhear me tell a coworker that my birthday was last Sunday, and as she got off the bus she wished me a happy belated birthday. There are still some good ones out there.
November 24, 2025 at 1:08 AM
Just had a random passenger, college student, overhear me tell a coworker that my birthday was last Sunday, and as she got off the bus she wished me a happy belated birthday. There are still some good ones out there.