Uncle Kermit
@unclekermit.bsky.social
Buffoon, Drunk, Failure.
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow
Pinned
Uncle Kermit
@unclekermit.bsky.social
· Dec 23
Don't make me use the chicken scissors.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I drew a giant dick in the snow on your windshield, please respond
January 22, 2026 at 12:20 PM
I drew a giant dick in the snow on your windshield, please respond
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
In Soviet Russia the clit can't find you.
January 22, 2026 at 9:40 PM
In Soviet Russia the clit can't find you.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Your penis left me on read bro
January 19, 2026 at 3:45 AM
Your penis left me on read bro
I didn't think there was any such thing as a sexy clown, but once again Google proved me wrong.
January 23, 2026 at 12:37 AM
I didn't think there was any such thing as a sexy clown, but once again Google proved me wrong.
I’d toot my own horn but I’m not that flexible.
January 22, 2026 at 9:22 PM
I’d toot my own horn but I’m not that flexible.
I call my butthole “She.”
January 22, 2026 at 7:45 PM
I call my butthole “She.”
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
“haven’t you posted that before?” god forbid an artist play their greatest hits
January 21, 2026 at 2:04 AM
“haven’t you posted that before?” god forbid an artist play their greatest hits
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I need a hug and 5 grand
January 22, 2026 at 4:39 PM
I need a hug and 5 grand
I'd like one of those jobs like they had in The Matrix. Where you sit in one of those tubes of pink goo and generate electricity?
January 22, 2026 at 4:44 PM
I'd like one of those jobs like they had in The Matrix. Where you sit in one of those tubes of pink goo and generate electricity?
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
my cousin went to school with the guy who's hair turned white after a car wreck from the song Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
January 22, 2026 at 3:21 PM
my cousin went to school with the guy who's hair turned white after a car wreck from the song Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
I wonder how the people of Funkytown deal with the smell?
January 22, 2026 at 3:15 PM
I wonder how the people of Funkytown deal with the smell?
You can learn a lot about a person by trying on their underwear when they aren't at home.
January 21, 2026 at 7:37 PM
You can learn a lot about a person by trying on their underwear when they aren't at home.
The great thing about the song, My Ding-a-ling, is that it can be appreciated on so many levels.
January 21, 2026 at 7:36 PM
The great thing about the song, My Ding-a-ling, is that it can be appreciated on so many levels.
You can eat a lot of raw hotdogs right out of the meat cooler at Sam's Club before an elderly stock boy chases you off.
January 21, 2026 at 6:39 PM
You can eat a lot of raw hotdogs right out of the meat cooler at Sam's Club before an elderly stock boy chases you off.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I hate mayonnaise, strong cheeses, and The Doors. If this makes me an iconoclast, so be it
January 21, 2026 at 4:52 PM
I hate mayonnaise, strong cheeses, and The Doors. If this makes me an iconoclast, so be it
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
how do i get the taste of dick back in my mouth
January 7, 2026 at 10:47 PM
how do i get the taste of dick back in my mouth
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
what i lack in hot face i make up for in hot body and charm and sucking dick good
January 21, 2026 at 4:29 AM
what i lack in hot face i make up for in hot body and charm and sucking dick good
I floss my teeth in public because I hate people. Enjoy the blood.
January 21, 2026 at 4:28 AM
I floss my teeth in public because I hate people. Enjoy the blood.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Sorry, gnomes, doctor removed the mushroom circle from my neck so you can't use me as a dimension door anymore.
January 20, 2026 at 11:37 PM
Sorry, gnomes, doctor removed the mushroom circle from my neck so you can't use me as a dimension door anymore.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
keep a hot dog rolling heater in my night stand drawer so i can have a hot dog in the middle of the nite and not have to get out of bed
January 19, 2026 at 1:37 AM
keep a hot dog rolling heater in my night stand drawer so i can have a hot dog in the middle of the nite and not have to get out of bed
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains
January 19, 2026 at 4:32 AM
My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Rabbit, Sweden, 15th century
January 19, 2026 at 12:05 PM
Rabbit, Sweden, 15th century
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
If I ever had to work hard for anything I’d kill myself
January 19, 2026 at 4:17 AM
If I ever had to work hard for anything I’d kill myself
I floss my teeth in public to oppose the genocide or whatever.
January 19, 2026 at 4:25 AM
I floss my teeth in public to oppose the genocide or whatever.
If a wealthy woman wanted to take me away from my sad life to be her arm candy, I would have to accept.
January 19, 2026 at 4:22 AM
If a wealthy woman wanted to take me away from my sad life to be her arm candy, I would have to accept.