@haller328.bsky.social
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every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie
January 7, 2026 at 2:08 AM
every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie
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(living an unexamined life) yaaaaaay haha yay wheeeeee
December 4, 2025 at 1:44 AM
(living an unexamined life) yaaaaaay haha yay wheeeeee
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a new study finds that there is enough microplastic in your nads to make a little army guy. whats worse is that its the guy with the radio so he doesnt even have a gun. and he has a bunch of extra plastic along the seam on the bottom so he keeps falling over.
November 18, 2025 at 4:55 PM
a new study finds that there is enough microplastic in your nads to make a little army guy. whats worse is that its the guy with the radio so he doesnt even have a gun. and he has a bunch of extra plastic along the seam on the bottom so he keeps falling over.
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Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
November 18, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
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getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning
November 14, 2025 at 4:06 AM
getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning
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hot dogs were invented in 1936 by Larry Hotdogs when he accidentally dropped a bag of prize-winning pig assholes in his Dick Shaper Machine
July 4, 2025 at 1:12 PM
hot dogs were invented in 1936 by Larry Hotdogs when he accidentally dropped a bag of prize-winning pig assholes in his Dick Shaper Machine
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Most people are assholes. Don't believe me? Next time you see a group of people, yell out "hey, asshole." They'll all look.
May 30, 2025 at 3:36 AM
Most people are assholes. Don't believe me? Next time you see a group of people, yell out "hey, asshole." They'll all look.
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wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey?
guard: [looking away] fine
wife: did something happen?
guard: [tearing up] no
wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?
guard: [looking away] fine
wife: did something happen?
guard: [tearing up] no
wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?
May 18, 2025 at 9:13 PM
wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey?
guard: [looking away] fine
wife: did something happen?
guard: [tearing up] no
wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?
guard: [looking away] fine
wife: did something happen?
guard: [tearing up] no
wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?
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🍋 🫐 🧀 🎂 🤤 (🎥: inbloombakery_)
May 12, 2025 at 1:52 PM
🍋 🫐 🧀 🎂 🤤 (🎥: inbloombakery_)
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There's a lot of talk about Canada Geese and whether they're good and my answer is Yes.
April 16, 2025 at 4:07 PM
There's a lot of talk about Canada Geese and whether they're good and my answer is Yes.
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[youth pastor voice] you know who else fell and rose dramatically in the span of three business days?
April 10, 2025 at 5:31 PM
[youth pastor voice] you know who else fell and rose dramatically in the span of three business days?
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The problem with most machine-based random number generators is that they’re not TRULY random, so if you need genuine randomness it is sometimes necessary to link your code to an external random process like a physical noise source or the current rate of US tariffs on a given country.
April 9, 2025 at 7:15 PM
The problem with most machine-based random number generators is that they’re not TRULY random, so if you need genuine randomness it is sometimes necessary to link your code to an external random process like a physical noise source or the current rate of US tariffs on a given country.
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i know the 'Irish stock market' is a real thing but it sounds vaguely racist to me. like it's what the Americans call a board behind the bar with all the drink prices on it
April 7, 2025 at 8:35 AM
i know the 'Irish stock market' is a real thing but it sounds vaguely racist to me. like it's what the Americans call a board behind the bar with all the drink prices on it
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In this Ohio diner, recession still means the thing that happens to your gums after years of Snus and Mountain Dew. But they do know this: Any economic hardship is worth it as long as whatever happens to Blacks and Hispanics is even worse.
April 5, 2025 at 11:31 AM
In this Ohio diner, recession still means the thing that happens to your gums after years of Snus and Mountain Dew. But they do know this: Any economic hardship is worth it as long as whatever happens to Blacks and Hispanics is even worse.
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i love the wire first-person shooter but i worry that making every character selectable in multiplayer compromises the story's canon. in my last match i played as brother mouzone and got fragged by assistant principal marcia donnelly with a grenade launcher. that never would've happened in the show
March 30, 2025 at 6:37 PM
i love the wire first-person shooter but i worry that making every character selectable in multiplayer compromises the story's canon. in my last match i played as brother mouzone and got fragged by assistant principal marcia donnelly with a grenade launcher. that never would've happened in the show
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Here's the last 40 seconds of Bulls/Lakers. Insane ending.
March 28, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Here's the last 40 seconds of Bulls/Lakers. Insane ending.
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unpopular stance: ACAB includes Scully but not Mulder, because there's absolutely no way Fox Mulder understands what the law really is or that his job is to enforce it. he has less capacity for moral cognition than a K9 unit.
March 18, 2025 at 12:16 AM
unpopular stance: ACAB includes Scully but not Mulder, because there's absolutely no way Fox Mulder understands what the law really is or that his job is to enforce it. he has less capacity for moral cognition than a K9 unit.
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Report: DOGE staffers energized by potential invasion of Canada because so many of their girlfriends live there.
March 11, 2025 at 11:01 PM
Report: DOGE staffers energized by potential invasion of Canada because so many of their girlfriends live there.
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guys love to say “dude my balatro run last night was insane” then show you a screenshot like this
March 11, 2025 at 9:50 PM
guys love to say “dude my balatro run last night was insane” then show you a screenshot like this
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Supreme Court rules 6-3 that Teslas are priced to move with $0 down and no payments for 48 months
March 11, 2025 at 9:04 PM
Supreme Court rules 6-3 that Teslas are priced to move with $0 down and no payments for 48 months