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2026 PIN number sounding ass year. That's my freaking PIN number
December 27, 2025 at 1:03 AM
2026 PIN number sounding ass year. That's my freaking PIN number
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my mom: [clearing her throat at the dinner table] i don’t know what sixty-seven means
December 25, 2025 at 10:49 PM
my mom: [clearing her throat at the dinner table] i don’t know what sixty-seven means
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Paint me like one of your dumb fucks
December 24, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Paint me like one of your dumb fucks
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People like to shit on tradition, but I think it's a real time-saver. I glad I don't have to figure out what I'm supposed to do about God's birthday every year. Trees and candy, done. He loves it.
July 25, 2025 at 7:19 PM
People like to shit on tradition, but I think it's a real time-saver. I glad I don't have to figure out what I'm supposed to do about God's birthday every year. Trees and candy, done. He loves it.
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Just "0 Minutes". It's cleaner.
December 22, 2025 at 11:12 PM
Just "0 Minutes". It's cleaner.
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RIP Zoot from the Muppets, who lost his long battle with heroin addiction today at the age of 63.
December 2, 2024 at 12:07 AM
RIP Zoot from the Muppets, who lost his long battle with heroin addiction today at the age of 63.
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How much do I love you? Your gift was on the fourth page of Last Minute Gifts for Her. The first three would not do.
December 22, 2025 at 4:48 AM
How much do I love you? Your gift was on the fourth page of Last Minute Gifts for Her. The first three would not do.
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Retweet if you want your Christmas presents NOW
December 21, 2025 at 4:22 AM
Retweet if you want your Christmas presents NOW
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when i eat too much tylenol
December 20, 2025 at 4:45 PM
when i eat too much tylenol
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Without me, my kids would have no idea which actors in the movie we're watching are dead
December 19, 2025 at 2:51 AM
Without me, my kids would have no idea which actors in the movie we're watching are dead
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Benito Mussolini [1929] (colorized)
December 8, 2025 at 10:54 PM
Benito Mussolini [1929] (colorized)
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I don't want tea to be soothing, I need it to make me sharper, more vengeful.
October 11, 2024 at 12:25 AM
I don't want tea to be soothing, I need it to make me sharper, more vengeful.
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i welcome our q-tip overlords
December 8, 2025 at 4:08 AM
i welcome our q-tip overlords
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WHO: ‘Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels’
December 4, 2025 at 4:01 PM
WHO: ‘Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels’
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There are now 2,900 billionaires, and they hold $15.8 trillion.
The wealth of the bottom 50% of the global population, over 4 billion people, is estimated at $3.7 trillion.
The wealth of the bottom 50% of the global population, over 4 billion people, is estimated at $3.7 trillion.
December 4, 2025 at 2:41 PM
There are now 2,900 billionaires, and they hold $15.8 trillion.
The wealth of the bottom 50% of the global population, over 4 billion people, is estimated at $3.7 trillion.
The wealth of the bottom 50% of the global population, over 4 billion people, is estimated at $3.7 trillion.
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does anyone else notice the giant lady doesnt cut up your hot dogs anymore!?
Because you're an adult you fucking muppet. You gotta pay the magic forward.
December 4, 2025 at 12:26 AM
does anyone else notice the giant lady doesnt cut up your hot dogs anymore!?
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“This film was wilfully made for humans, by humans… F*** AI.”
— Guillermo del Toro while accepting the Vanguard Tribute Award for ‘Frankenstein’ at the Gotham Awards.
— Guillermo del Toro while accepting the Vanguard Tribute Award for ‘Frankenstein’ at the Gotham Awards.
December 2, 2025 at 12:39 AM
“This film was wilfully made for humans, by humans… F*** AI.”
— Guillermo del Toro while accepting the Vanguard Tribute Award for ‘Frankenstein’ at the Gotham Awards.
— Guillermo del Toro while accepting the Vanguard Tribute Award for ‘Frankenstein’ at the Gotham Awards.
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I was out of control, using spreads as dips, it was bad
November 25, 2025 at 10:00 PM
I was out of control, using spreads as dips, it was bad
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Things are happening faster than I can embroider them
November 19, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Things are happening faster than I can embroider them
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[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit
September 26, 2025 at 12:40 PM
[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit
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wait, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 Bill Clinton??
November 15, 2025 at 5:57 AM
wait, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 Bill Clinton??
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The U.S. lost an average of 11,000 jobs every week in October, per CNBC.
November 12, 2025 at 3:13 PM
The U.S. lost an average of 11,000 jobs every week in October, per CNBC.
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