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Reposted by Alexis (Taylor’s version)

Emily Hamilton

@emilymcminn-ms.bsky.social

The best description of the Telegraph you'll read this week.

Marsh Davies @marshdavies.bsky.social · 19h

I just don't need to know what the Telegraph has written about Dungeons & Dragons. It's a newspaper for people who are frightened of samosas.

November 30, 2025 at 12:51 PM

Reposted by Alexis (Taylor’s version)

Glennyrodge

@glennyrodge.bsky.social

The reason snooker players take so long between shots is they quietly sing Snooker Loopy to themselves so they know which ball to pot next.

November 30, 2025 at 4:12 PM

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Jim'll Paint It

@sirpaintalot.bsky.social

andrewlloydwebsite.com

A collaboration between me, Henry Shitmat, Tim Stone and Dave Rankin

November 26, 2025 at 3:38 PM

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David Hills

@wanderingteacake.bsky.social

The bully agrees to stop hitting you and in return they get to keep your lunch money.

Alex Andreou @sturdyalex.bsky.social · 4d

Press: "What kind of concessions are the Russians going to have to make?"

Trump "Their big concession is they stop fighting and they don't take any more land."

Yeah. That's basically how surrendering works.

November 26, 2025 at 1:16 PM

Reposted by Alexis (Taylor’s version)

Mockeree

@mockeree.bsky.social

Trump prepares the Epstein files for release

The well-known photo of Trump’s bathroom with all the boxes of stolen files in it, but now with him sitting on the toilet behind a couple of tall, untidy stacks of paper documents, going through them one by one with his overcompensatory big marker pen. A third pile of documents nearer the camera is topped with a not-quite-legible email with several sections of text redacted by slightly shaky, thick lines of black pen marks, in case my point isn’t obvious enough. The boxes are now marked on the front with handwritten text identifying their contents, again in marker pen, with the nearest pile of boxes all labelled ‘EPSTEIN FILES’. Others are marked ‘JFK’, ‘tax returns’, ’23,000 votes’, ‘quite piggies’ (I’m bang up to date, me), ‘golf trophies’, ‘covfefe’, ‘Nobel prizes’, ‘health records’, ‘cognitivfefe tests’ (yes I did the covfefe gag twice), ‘bone spur certificates’, ‘Ivank mags’ (arf) and ‘Melania user manuals’. There’s a plastic bin lined with a poly bag on the floor in front of the nearest pile of boxes, now marked ‘Donald’s emergency bucket’. On the side of the marble basin is one of those Ivank mags: the issue of Stuff magazine with his own scantily-clad daughter on the cover. There’s a box of tissues next to it. I didn’t add that.

November 19, 2025 at 8:41 AM

Reposted by Alexis (Taylor’s version)

Moose Allain

@mooseallain.bsky.social

I’m not a great political analyst, but I do feel Labour have made a tactical error by opting to be cunts.

November 18, 2025 at 10:12 PM

Alexis (Taylor’s version)

@lexistwit.bsky.social

This morning’s first sneeze sounded like “Chechnya” and now I’m working my way through the former Soviet republics. You might want to keep your distance when I get to Kyrgyzstan.

November 18, 2025 at 7:58 AM

Alexis (Taylor’s version)

@lexistwit.bsky.social

New word of God just dropped.

A yellow post-it note with the new word of God written on it with a Sharpie in my best handwriting. “This Post-It® note is the inerrant word of God and supersedes all previous inerrant words of God. Signed, God” [with a little ❤️ under it]. The small print, written with the fine point at the opposite end of the Sharpie (it was one of those ones), says “All words of God inerrant at time of going to press. Your soul may go down as well as up. There is no such thing as sin. Stay out of each others’ sex lines unless invited. Be excellent to each other. The Earth is (nearly) spherical. Terms and commandments apply.”

Despite the trademark symbol, it’s not really a Post-It® note (although it is really a Sharpie). That’s probably a test of faith.

November 17, 2025 at 9:57 AM

Reposted by Alexis (Taylor’s version)

Alex Andreou

@sturdyalex.bsky.social

There is no reason why this should have made me laugh so hard a bit of gas escaped.

Nigel Farage Speaking to Laura Kuenssberg. The speech bubble read:

Farage: I was about 14 and it was over the photo of Eva Braun

Kuenssberg: Erm... I asked you about the West Bank

November 16, 2025 at 4:04 PM

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ollie masters

@olliemastersbskys.bsky.social

Of all the historical figures you've researched for your books, who would you invite to a dinner party?
It's a very strange question when you think about it. I mean, obviously I would choose Shakespeare, and probably Isaac Newton.
But the thing is, you wouldn't be learning anything - you'd be spending the whole dinner explaining to them why they're not dead any more! I mean, they would just be saying, "What the fuck, what's going on?" and it wouldn't be like a congenial dinner party with everybody drinking and relaxed.
And then, you know, who's going to tell them that when the dinner is over, they have to be dead again - that they have to go back to their graves? I don't want to be associated with this exercise.

November 15, 2025 at 7:42 PM

Reposted by Alexis (Taylor’s version)

Stephen Collins

@stephencollins.bsky.social

Every ad now

[Scene is a kitchen - a middle aged woman called JANET is boiling peas at the stove. A younger more colourfully dressed woman named LIZ approached her.]

JANET:
Ugh...

LIZ:
What's up?

JANET:
I am so bored of cooking peas!

LIZ:
Have you tried...

AI peas?

JANET:
AI peas?

LIZ:
They're peas with AI!

[Liz holds up to us a packet of peas labelled: Pea-i AI - Peas with AI].

LIZ:
Al-powered peas harness the potential of your peas

JANET:
What

LIZ [Now a voiceover as we cut to a whizzy technology diagram of peas all connected by meaningless dotted lines]

Why not take your peas to the next level with Al Peas' new Al tools to power your peas?

[Show a techno diagram of a pea with a label reading 'AI' pointing to a random zone in it]

LIZ:

Each pea has Al in a way we haven't quite worked out yet but it's fine

[Show Janet and Liz now in a Matrix-style world of peas]

LIZ:
With Al peas you can supercharge productivity and make AI work for your peas!

JANET:
What

LIZ:
Shut up

LIZ:
Our game-changing Pea-Al gives you the freedom to unlock the potential of the power of the future of your peas workflow

From opening the bag of peas

to boiling the peas

to eating the peas

To spending millions on adding Al to the peas and then having to work out what that even means.

JANET:
Is it really necessary to-

LIZ [Grabbing Janet by the collar]:
THE PEAS HAVE GOT AI, JANET

[Cut to an advert ending screen, with the bag of peas and the slogan:

AI PEAS: Just 'Peas' for god's sake buy the AI peas.

[Ends]

November 13, 2025 at 5:38 PM

Reposted by Alexis (Taylor’s version)

Neil Norman And His Cosmic Orchestra

@fubsyshabaroon.bsky.social

Boy, if only he could release all those files which showed his innocence and everyone else’s guilt.

Jake Lahut @jakelahut.bsky.social · 16d

Oh boy, Trump calls for an Epstein investigation on everyone else but him

November 14, 2025 at 4:00 PM

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Out of Context Biffo the Bear

@oocbiffo.bsky.social

Beano #1679, September 21, 1974

Biffo gestures towards a bucket and wooden stool as he calls Nanny over to be milked.
BIFFO: Yoo-hoo, Nanny-- Come and be milked!

November 12, 2025 at 8:29 PM

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Mockeree

@mockeree.bsky.social

Trump threatens to sue the BBC for editing his words into coherent sentences

November 10, 2025 at 9:43 PM

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Matt Round

@mattround.com

It’s live!
Please do buy a copy if you can, I’ve put a lot of work into making it a nice object and the programs are genuinely fun and/or impressive

VOLE.wtf 🐹⁉️ @vole.wtf · 19d

🚀 NEW MAGAZINE ⌨️
Back in the ’80s there were printed mags of BASIC programs to type in, we’ve brought that back but for web pages!
10 amazing games, toys, puzzles and utilities, no coding knowledge needed
vole.wtf/doctype/

DOCTYPE magazine 🚀⌨️

’80s BASIC type-in mags are back, but this time for HTML!

vole.wtf

November 11, 2025 at 12:09 PM

Reposted by Alexis (Taylor’s version)

Neil Norman And His Cosmic Orchestra

@fubsyshabaroon.bsky.social

November 10, 2025 at 9:59 PM

Reposted by Alexis (Taylor’s version)

Ian Dunt

@iandunt.bsky.social

Just absolutely classic BBC. You've just broadcast the most successful programme of the year, uniting Gen Z kids online and Boomers on broadcast in a return to appointment television. And instead of celebrating, your DG reigns due to a made-up right-wing scandal.

November 9, 2025 at 8:10 PM