Phil Browne
@phil-br.bsky.social
Reposted by Phil Browne
BoyfrIend: "I got hit by a car today. Paula brought me to the hospital. They're doing X-rays. I have some broken ribs, a broken arm, a fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot."
Me: "Who's Paula?"
Me: "Who's Paula?"
November 17, 2025 at 2:31 AM
BoyfrIend: "I got hit by a car today. Paula brought me to the hospital. They're doing X-rays. I have some broken ribs, a broken arm, a fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot."
Me: "Who's Paula?"
Me: "Who's Paula?"
Reposted by Phil Browne
ME: How did it go?
SON: We lost
ME: Did you give it your all?
SON: Not really
ME: Good, it would have been a waste of time if you did
SON: We lost
ME: Did you give it your all?
SON: Not really
ME: Good, it would have been a waste of time if you did
November 6, 2025 at 2:05 PM
ME: How did it go?
SON: We lost
ME: Did you give it your all?
SON: Not really
ME: Good, it would have been a waste of time if you did
SON: We lost
ME: Did you give it your all?
SON: Not really
ME: Good, it would have been a waste of time if you did
Reposted by Phil Browne
I put on my big-boy pants like everybody else, reluctantly.
October 27, 2025 at 1:18 PM
I put on my big-boy pants like everybody else, reluctantly.
Reposted by Phil Browne
Dessert Menu Options
- Death By Chocolate
- Paralyzed By Chocolate
- Insulted By Chocolate
- Ghosted By Chocolate
- Cheated On By Chocolate
- Slightly Embarrassed By Chocolate
- Confused By Chocolate
- NY Cheesecake
- Death By Chocolate
- Paralyzed By Chocolate
- Insulted By Chocolate
- Ghosted By Chocolate
- Cheated On By Chocolate
- Slightly Embarrassed By Chocolate
- Confused By Chocolate
- NY Cheesecake
October 22, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Dessert Menu Options
- Death By Chocolate
- Paralyzed By Chocolate
- Insulted By Chocolate
- Ghosted By Chocolate
- Cheated On By Chocolate
- Slightly Embarrassed By Chocolate
- Confused By Chocolate
- NY Cheesecake
- Death By Chocolate
- Paralyzed By Chocolate
- Insulted By Chocolate
- Ghosted By Chocolate
- Cheated On By Chocolate
- Slightly Embarrassed By Chocolate
- Confused By Chocolate
- NY Cheesecake
Reposted by Phil Browne
accidentally took my gf’s pumpkin spice latte instead of my black coffee and now im driving down the highway and i literally can’t even
October 18, 2025 at 2:05 PM
accidentally took my gf’s pumpkin spice latte instead of my black coffee and now im driving down the highway and i literally can’t even
Reposted by Phil Browne
First he incites his followers to hang Mike Pence and then he places a tariff on couches? Man this guy hates his vice presidents.
September 26, 2025 at 1:38 PM
First he incites his followers to hang Mike Pence and then he places a tariff on couches? Man this guy hates his vice presidents.
Reposted by Phil Browne
Reposted by Phil Browne
It looks like you’re trying to defend Donald Trump pedophilia. Would you like me to turn on caps lock and disable spell check?
July 27, 2025 at 12:41 PM
It looks like you’re trying to defend Donald Trump pedophilia. Would you like me to turn on caps lock and disable spell check?
Reposted by Phil Browne
Stacey’s mom is in assisted living now. Get your shit together
July 24, 2025 at 5:21 AM
Stacey’s mom is in assisted living now. Get your shit together
Reposted by Phil Browne
ME: What’s in the bag?
FRIEND: A bicycle helmet for my kid.
ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine.
FRIEND: Well, you know-
ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine.
FRIEND: ...
ME: What’s in the bag?
FRIEND: A bicycle helmet for my kid.
ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine.
FRIEND: Well, you know-
ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine.
FRIEND: ...
ME: What’s in the bag?
July 6, 2025 at 9:23 PM
ME: What’s in the bag?
FRIEND: A bicycle helmet for my kid.
ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine.
FRIEND: Well, you know-
ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine.
FRIEND: ...
ME: What’s in the bag?
FRIEND: A bicycle helmet for my kid.
ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine.
FRIEND: Well, you know-
ME: When I was a kid, we didn’t wear helmets, and we turned out just fine.
FRIEND: ...
ME: What’s in the bag?
Reposted by Phil Browne
Study Finds Curative Power Of Prayer Limited To Genital Warts
theonion.com/study-f...
theonion.com/study-f...
July 3, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Study Finds Curative Power Of Prayer Limited To Genital Warts
theonion.com/study-f...
theonion.com/study-f...
Reposted by Phil Browne
The situation in Los Angeles looks so bad Oklahoma has already banned it from being taught in schools.
June 10, 2025 at 1:21 PM
The situation in Los Angeles looks so bad Oklahoma has already banned it from being taught in schools.
Reposted by Phil Browne
Reposted by Phil Browne
Teacher Asks What First Graders Want To Be Once Child Labor Laws Repealed
theonion.com/teacher...
theonion.com/teacher...
Teacher Asks What First Graders Want To Be Once Child Labor Laws Repealed
LIBERTY, MO—After reading aloud a picture book about a puppy that works in a coal mine, local first grade teacher Brianna Montgomery asked her students Thursday what they want to be once child labor laws are repealed. “I want everyone to grab some crayons and draw a picture of what you want to be once […]
theonion.com
May 26, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Teacher Asks What First Graders Want To Be Once Child Labor Laws Repealed
theonion.com/teacher...
theonion.com/teacher...
Reposted by Phil Browne
imagine hating dinosaurs so much you blow them up with a giant meteor, bury them under millions of tons of rock, and create an entirely new species to dig up their liquified ooze and burn it
May 8, 2025 at 3:22 PM
imagine hating dinosaurs so much you blow them up with a giant meteor, bury them under millions of tons of rock, and create an entirely new species to dig up their liquified ooze and burn it
Reposted by Phil Browne
Trump Offers Undocumented Immigrants $1,000 To Leave Country
theonion.com/trump-o...
theonion.com/trump-o...
May 7, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Trump Offers Undocumented Immigrants $1,000 To Leave Country
theonion.com/trump-o...
theonion.com/trump-o...
Reposted by Phil Browne
the delete key has seen some shit
May 1, 2025 at 12:39 AM
the delete key has seen some shit
Reposted by Phil Browne
GDP numbers out today. Remember, it’s not a recession, it’s a freedom dip.
April 30, 2025 at 9:52 AM
GDP numbers out today. Remember, it’s not a recession, it’s a freedom dip.
Reposted by Phil Browne
never feel more like myself than when the flight attendant looks directly into my eyes and says, "trash"
April 29, 2025 at 5:22 PM
never feel more like myself than when the flight attendant looks directly into my eyes and says, "trash"
Reposted by Phil Browne
*reading your palm* see this line here, that one means i’m going to kill if you you don’t stop chewing with your mouth open
April 24, 2025 at 11:00 AM
*reading your palm* see this line here, that one means i’m going to kill if you you don’t stop chewing with your mouth open
Reposted by Phil Browne
Therapist: "Who can I call in case of an emergency?"
Me: "Well, you can call me I guess."
Me: "Well, you can call me I guess."
April 24, 2025 at 3:23 AM
Therapist: "Who can I call in case of an emergency?"
Me: "Well, you can call me I guess."
Me: "Well, you can call me I guess."
Reposted by Phil Browne
Are Catholics just like on the honor system right now
April 23, 2025 at 2:10 PM
Are Catholics just like on the honor system right now
Reposted by Phil Browne
Karoline Leavitt should be made to carry around a potted plant to make up for the air she wastes.
April 16, 2025 at 7:22 PM
Karoline Leavitt should be made to carry around a potted plant to make up for the air she wastes.
Reposted by Phil Browne
“I SAID, TELL ME HOW TO GET TO SESAME STREET.”
April 14, 2025 at 8:13 PM
“I SAID, TELL ME HOW TO GET TO SESAME STREET.”