zuck eats bees
@toutpetitpoulet.bsky.social
Reposted by zuck eats bees
BLIND DATE: i can’t wait to meet you
ME: (a vegetarian) the fuck you say to me
ME: (a vegetarian) the fuck you say to me
December 30, 2025 at 8:18 PM
BLIND DATE: i can’t wait to meet you
ME: (a vegetarian) the fuck you say to me
ME: (a vegetarian) the fuck you say to me
Reposted by zuck eats bees
ME: (first day practicing Bug Law) May it please the Court—
BUG JUDGE: (sternly) Bug Court.
BUG JUDGE: (sternly) Bug Court.
December 30, 2025 at 6:29 PM
ME: (first day practicing Bug Law) May it please the Court—
BUG JUDGE: (sternly) Bug Court.
BUG JUDGE: (sternly) Bug Court.
Reposted by zuck eats bees
Devil: oh wow you’re already doing it. I was coming here to tempt you.
Me: [munching apple] you smoke, bro?
Me: [munching apple] you smoke, bro?
December 22, 2025 at 3:52 AM
Devil: oh wow you’re already doing it. I was coming here to tempt you.
Me: [munching apple] you smoke, bro?
Me: [munching apple] you smoke, bro?
Reposted by zuck eats bees
Pets will disrespect their dietary restrictions without a second thought . That’s why they didn’t created society
November 25, 2024 at 3:21 PM
Pets will disrespect their dietary restrictions without a second thought . That’s why they didn’t created society
Reposted by zuck eats bees
Shaved 5 minutes off my morning routine by brushing my teeth and riding the mechanical duck outside the supermarket at the same time
December 6, 2024 at 1:17 PM
Shaved 5 minutes off my morning routine by brushing my teeth and riding the mechanical duck outside the supermarket at the same time
Reposted by zuck eats bees
learning things about myself as i struggle to open a pack of batteries
May 9, 2025 at 4:28 PM
learning things about myself as i struggle to open a pack of batteries
Reposted by zuck eats bees
Given how it sounds like “sex” you’d think I’d find the number sextillion funny. But the light has gone out of my life. I just see it as a number.
October 28, 2023 at 8:45 AM
Given how it sounds like “sex” you’d think I’d find the number sextillion funny. But the light has gone out of my life. I just see it as a number.
Reposted by zuck eats bees
just reported dracula to the fbi
October 25, 2023 at 6:19 AM
just reported dracula to the fbi
Reposted by zuck eats bees
Self-driving cars are haunted cars. Elon Musk is killing people and embedding their souls in cars. That's why the cars sometimes burst into flames, as poltergeist activity goes haywire. Elon must stop this black magic. He is playing with forces he cannot control.
October 19, 2023 at 11:08 AM
Self-driving cars are haunted cars. Elon Musk is killing people and embedding their souls in cars. That's why the cars sometimes burst into flames, as poltergeist activity goes haywire. Elon must stop this black magic. He is playing with forces he cannot control.
Reposted by zuck eats bees
Urban Planning Opinion Progression xkcd.com/2832
September 23, 2023 at 9:26 AM
Urban Planning Opinion Progression xkcd.com/2832
Reposted by zuck eats bees
you are a complete fucking idiot if you don't reincarnate as a crustacean for real
September 10, 2023 at 4:36 AM
you are a complete fucking idiot if you don't reincarnate as a crustacean for real
Reposted by zuck eats bees
kid banana: what happens when we die?
grandpa banana: we become bread
kid banana: like jesus 🥹
grandpa banana: shut up it’s not the same at all
grandpa banana: we become bread
kid banana: like jesus 🥹
grandpa banana: shut up it’s not the same at all
September 9, 2023 at 4:34 PM
kid banana: what happens when we die?
grandpa banana: we become bread
kid banana: like jesus 🥹
grandpa banana: shut up it’s not the same at all
grandpa banana: we become bread
kid banana: like jesus 🥹
grandpa banana: shut up it’s not the same at all
Reposted by zuck eats bees
There's a lake in your dresser drawer, your favorite t-shirts whimpling in the sediment beneath the lily pads and the water striders. You're going to be late today.
August 12, 2023 at 3:00 AM
There's a lake in your dresser drawer, your favorite t-shirts whimpling in the sediment beneath the lily pads and the water striders. You're going to be late today.
Reposted by zuck eats bees
"steven, that damn baby is back"
September 7, 2023 at 8:51 PM
"steven, that damn baby is back"
Reposted by zuck eats bees
Reposted by zuck eats bees
your honor, my client wants me to remind the court he is a smol bean and {leaning to listen to whisper} and it is his birthday he is a smol bean birthday boy
September 4, 2023 at 8:33 PM
your honor, my client wants me to remind the court he is a smol bean and {leaning to listen to whisper} and it is his birthday he is a smol bean birthday boy
Reposted by zuck eats bees
The old Victorian mansion calls you in the night, drawing you up the stairs to the boarded up attic. You pry at the entrance; the door creaks open. There’s a music box on the mantle, draped in cobwebs. With shaking hands you lift the lid…
🎶 Never gonna give you up 🎶
🎶 Never gonna give you up 🎶
August 17, 2023 at 12:55 AM
The old Victorian mansion calls you in the night, drawing you up the stairs to the boarded up attic. You pry at the entrance; the door creaks open. There’s a music box on the mantle, draped in cobwebs. With shaking hands you lift the lid…
🎶 Never gonna give you up 🎶
🎶 Never gonna give you up 🎶
Reposted by zuck eats bees
ME: may I have a knife please?
WAITER: what kind of knife
ME:
WAITER:
ME: *prolonged eye contact* a very sharp knife
WAITER:
ME:
WAITER: no
WAITER: what kind of knife
ME:
WAITER:
ME: *prolonged eye contact* a very sharp knife
WAITER:
ME:
WAITER: no
August 28, 2023 at 8:05 PM
ME: may I have a knife please?
WAITER: what kind of knife
ME:
WAITER:
ME: *prolonged eye contact* a very sharp knife
WAITER:
ME:
WAITER: no
WAITER: what kind of knife
ME:
WAITER:
ME: *prolonged eye contact* a very sharp knife
WAITER:
ME:
WAITER: no
Reposted by zuck eats bees
Dracula turns into a bat to avoid detection or for selfish personal travel purposes, whereas I would turn into a bat to pollinate local plants and help balance our precious ecosystem. Just one of several ways that I am morally superior to Dracula.
August 28, 2023 at 3:34 AM
Dracula turns into a bat to avoid detection or for selfish personal travel purposes, whereas I would turn into a bat to pollinate local plants and help balance our precious ecosystem. Just one of several ways that I am morally superior to Dracula.
Reposted by zuck eats bees
Leonardo da Vinci drawing a near prefect recreation of a furby in one of his sketchbooks, then shaking his head, crumpling the paper and throwing it away in disgust before drawing a helicopter
August 21, 2023 at 2:15 PM
Leonardo da Vinci drawing a near prefect recreation of a furby in one of his sketchbooks, then shaking his head, crumpling the paper and throwing it away in disgust before drawing a helicopter
Reposted by zuck eats bees
Crow’s always sitting on top of a skull. You see a skull, pretty good chance there’s a crow on it. And I’m always like dude that’s pretty smooth for a seat, how you managing that? Let me see your talons dude
August 22, 2023 at 7:04 PM
Crow’s always sitting on top of a skull. You see a skull, pretty good chance there’s a crow on it. And I’m always like dude that’s pretty smooth for a seat, how you managing that? Let me see your talons dude