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Lori

@cornjerker78.bsky.social

3.1K followers 380 following 490 posts

https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:dkxvo6rduhmh5zsnkshhlwdy/feed/aaag2lsx5folw

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Lori @cornjerker78.bsky.social · Mar 12

Boss: How ‘bout I dangle a carrot in front of you?

Me *reports him to Human Resources*

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Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · Sep 3

you think the 1950s seemed quaint, but there was tons of drama caused by milkmen

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Melicious @honeybadgermel.bsky.social · 2d

I prefer my chocolate milk shaken not stirred.

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Melicious @honeybadgermel.bsky.social · 1d

Apathy is so yesterday. Get with the times people.

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Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 1d

how do you get over the heartache of an ex whose cat you’ll never see again?

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 1d

I think I missed my true calling as an unnamed tramp in a Charles Dickens novel.

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 1d

Love means never having to ask did you make potatoes?

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 1d

I have a long list of things I don’t do that I tell people are the things I like to do when people feel compelled to ask.

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S🌟tella @havishaf.bsky.social · 23d

Many of you had no idea.
And honestly, it shows.

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S🌟tella @havishaf.bsky.social · 16d

One man's trash is another man.

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S🌟tella @havishaf.bsky.social · 1d

I’ll just migrate from my chair to my bed. That’s enough platform hopping for today.

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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 24d

If trash bags were trash can shaped, we would save 12 hours of hassle a year. That would give us time to pick up more trash.

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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 16d

Due to some kind of miscommunication, a friend brought us a six pack of bears.

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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 14d

Something happened, and I said that, yup, that's how that happens. Then I felt for some reason what I said was important enough to write down.

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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 8d

I caught myself earlier with a fork dangerously close to my eye. Later, I found my eyeliner in the silverware drawer.

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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 2d

Be sure to come to my book signing! Today, I'll be signing "It", by Stephen King. Next week, I'll be signing the owner's manual to my 2006 Honda.

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Jenny Doesn’t Know @jennydoesntknow.bsky.social · 1d

Beware, someone could be watching you at any time. Tracking your every move. Not me though. I’m too lazy.

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w hat the fuk @nelp.bsky.social · Jun 12

if i was shot out of a giant urethra i'd be pissed

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w hat the fuk @nelp.bsky.social · Apr 6

men will spend $100k on a car without any cupholders

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Melicious @honeybadgermel.bsky.social · 4d

I get my steps in by going back to get what I forgot and forgetting what I forgot again.

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 3d

You’re not a piece of shit. You’re like, the entire shit.

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 3d

I feel like being a malcontent but I want my belly scratched like a good boy.
It’s complicated.

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 3d

I haven’t been to a bar in years and I make up for that by stopping at every hot dog stand I see.

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 3d

In the nineties sometimes, you’d ask a lady what she wanted to do and she’d respond “shoop” and I never knew what to do after that.

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Lori @cornjerker78.bsky.social · 3d

🤣

a man in a basketball jersey is looking at the camera .

ALT: a man in a basketball jersey is looking at the camera .

media.tenor.com

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 3d

The only time I unload the dishwasher is after I've forgotten to turn it on

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