Jennifer K.
@pdxjenni.bsky.social
Walks "like a 50s housewife on a mission to kill g-d." SATAN HAS ENOUGH ATTORNEYS, CHAD. She/her. Squad Mom/Aunt Aoife. Do not mistake my kindness for weakness. You may know me from elsewhere as GonzoPants.
Through a friend who dated Mike Bellotti's son & is still friends with him, and whose aunt is a VERY famous NYC "restaurateur" 4, 2 different ways
1. Friend/Luke B/Mike B/Phil Knight
2. Friend/Aunt/Anna Wintour (a documented close friend of Aunt)/any number of famous wealthy people in her Rolodex
1. Friend/Luke B/Mike B/Phil Knight
2. Friend/Aunt/Anna Wintour (a documented close friend of Aunt)/any number of famous wealthy people in her Rolodex
I do think this is a fairly decent numerical measure of privilege across all other factors and demographics.
Like, what’s your number, new friend?
Like, what’s your number, new friend?
Sometimes I like to play a game in my head and that game is called How Many Calls Are You Away From a Billionaire?
Like instead of Kevin Bacon faff, how many phone calls would you have to make to reach a billionaire, any billionaire, or can you not even imagine a chain that would get you there?
Like instead of Kevin Bacon faff, how many phone calls would you have to make to reach a billionaire, any billionaire, or can you not even imagine a chain that would get you there?
December 4, 2025 at 5:46 AM
Through a friend who dated Mike Bellotti's son & is still friends with him, and whose aunt is a VERY famous NYC "restaurateur" 4, 2 different ways
1. Friend/Luke B/Mike B/Phil Knight
2. Friend/Aunt/Anna Wintour (a documented close friend of Aunt)/any number of famous wealthy people in her Rolodex
1. Friend/Luke B/Mike B/Phil Knight
2. Friend/Aunt/Anna Wintour (a documented close friend of Aunt)/any number of famous wealthy people in her Rolodex
[RFK Jr. voice] you guys wanna see a dead body?
read a little bit of the pdf and Olivia Nuzzi is the kind of writer Caroline Calloway wants to be
December 4, 2025 at 3:05 AM
[RFK Jr. voice] you guys wanna see a dead body?
Disneyland, 2024. I am chaperoning two HS freshman who I've known for an entire six hours. Thinking we have more time to wait in line, I get a pint of cold brew from a nearby stand. The line moves quickly. I cannot take coffee on the Nemo ride. Down it goes, like beer from a solo cup.
Re: chugging, I made the mistake of telling my kids I was very good at chugging beer in college, and now they make me chug water just to demonstrate all the time.
Why does it sound so much grosser to me to chug a glass of wine than a bottle of beer, even though I LIKE wine and don’t really like beer?? why???
December 3, 2025 at 7:38 AM
Disneyland, 2024. I am chaperoning two HS freshman who I've known for an entire six hours. Thinking we have more time to wait in line, I get a pint of cold brew from a nearby stand. The line moves quickly. I cannot take coffee on the Nemo ride. Down it goes, like beer from a solo cup.
Reminder re: giving Tuesday — check with your employer, they may participate in a donation matching program like benevity, which will double your impact.
December 2, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Reminder re: giving Tuesday — check with your employer, they may participate in a donation matching program like benevity, which will double your impact.
I have had 1 MRI, ordered by a neurologist when I was on day 4 of what turned into a 5-day migraine, because my mother died of a brain hemorrhage caused by a burst AVM & we needed to make sure I wasn't going to go the same way. They aren't like routine blood draws. Something is seriously wrong here.
A million Trump crypto fun bucks says there's more scans they aren't releasing. Unflattering ones.
www.bbc.com/news/article...
www.bbc.com/news/article...
Donald Trump's MRI test results released by White House doctor
The release comes as Democrats have been pushing to see the results amid concerns about Trump's age.
www.bbc.com
December 2, 2025 at 4:36 AM
I have had 1 MRI, ordered by a neurologist when I was on day 4 of what turned into a 5-day migraine, because my mother died of a brain hemorrhage caused by a burst AVM & we needed to make sure I wasn't going to go the same way. They aren't like routine blood draws. Something is seriously wrong here.
We closed our office at noon on Wednesday.
I got to this office this morning to four (4) emails:
2 auto-sends from the court
1 auto-send from docusign
1 notice of a CLE from the bar association
Really do think we should just all take the rest of the month off.
I got to this office this morning to four (4) emails:
2 auto-sends from the court
1 auto-send from docusign
1 notice of a CLE from the bar association
Really do think we should just all take the rest of the month off.
what do you MEAN I'm supposed to do work now, isn't everyone off until the new year
December 1, 2025 at 6:43 PM
We closed our office at noon on Wednesday.
I got to this office this morning to four (4) emails:
2 auto-sends from the court
1 auto-send from docusign
1 notice of a CLE from the bar association
Really do think we should just all take the rest of the month off.
I got to this office this morning to four (4) emails:
2 auto-sends from the court
1 auto-send from docusign
1 notice of a CLE from the bar association
Really do think we should just all take the rest of the month off.
I've long believed that certain movies are actually vehicles for money laundering -- big budgets, huge stars, but they have such bad scripts & do so poorly that even without "Hollywood accounting," it will always be in the red.
Just thinking about that today, with the various memoir news happening.
Just thinking about that today, with the various memoir news happening.
November 27, 2025 at 3:44 AM
I've long believed that certain movies are actually vehicles for money laundering -- big budgets, huge stars, but they have such bad scripts & do so poorly that even without "Hollywood accounting," it will always be in the red.
Just thinking about that today, with the various memoir news happening.
Just thinking about that today, with the various memoir news happening.
The way that "Today's Special" had me in a CHOKE HOLD as a child.
November 27, 2025 at 2:40 AM
The way that "Today's Special" had me in a CHOKE HOLD as a child.
Someone smarter and more charismatic than I am needs to start convincing tech billionaires to climb K2.
Everest : i am killing highly motivated bitcoin vice presidents as fast as i can mollz and im tired give a bitch a break
November 27, 2025 at 1:59 AM
Someone smarter and more charismatic than I am needs to start convincing tech billionaires to climb K2.
@bigblondbeast.bsky.social once said he wished he had "half of [my] brazen tenacity," and I have carried that like a talisman in my soul ever since.
What is the best compliment you ever received? Putting aside whether or not you believed it.
November 26, 2025 at 6:32 PM
@bigblondbeast.bsky.social once said he wished he had "half of [my] brazen tenacity," and I have carried that like a talisman in my soul ever since.
My cousin, the only one I have on my mom's side, used AI to "colorize" a photo of our grandmother & her brother as children with their parents, circa 1942. The process did fucking weird things to everyone's smiles & fucked up Nana's hands. I was so angry I could cry.
Somebody posted an old photo in a Facebook local group and asked if anyone could clean it up. Well-meaning people turned to #AI. Lots of responders seemed happy with the results, but this is how you destroy historical records.
November 25, 2025 at 8:10 PM
My cousin, the only one I have on my mom's side, used AI to "colorize" a photo of our grandmother & her brother as children with their parents, circa 1942. The process did fucking weird things to everyone's smiles & fucked up Nana's hands. I was so angry I could cry.
OK so the accidental chicken soup bath bomb unlocked a core memory.
I was 9, Nana & Aunt Nancy had just moved to OR & I had read or seen something about oil making things float, only half-understood the science.
I was a small kid, Nana had a large bathtub, and Nancy had a large bottle of baby oil.
I was 9, Nana & Aunt Nancy had just moved to OR & I had read or seen something about oil making things float, only half-understood the science.
I was a small kid, Nana had a large bathtub, and Nancy had a large bottle of baby oil.
November 25, 2025 at 6:23 PM
OK so the accidental chicken soup bath bomb unlocked a core memory.
I was 9, Nana & Aunt Nancy had just moved to OR & I had read or seen something about oil making things float, only half-understood the science.
I was a small kid, Nana had a large bathtub, and Nancy had a large bottle of baby oil.
I was 9, Nana & Aunt Nancy had just moved to OR & I had read or seen something about oil making things float, only half-understood the science.
I was a small kid, Nana had a large bathtub, and Nancy had a large bottle of baby oil.
I am silently cry-laughing at my desk, this is quite possibly the funniest thing I've seen in weeks.
I gave my mom what I thought was a soup-themed bath bomb some years back, but it was actually soup. She had to call my dad in to get her out of the greasy tub.
November 25, 2025 at 6:01 PM
I am silently cry-laughing at my desk, this is quite possibly the funniest thing I've seen in weeks.
I had a friend growing up whose Thanksgivings were, I am certain, subject to a curse placed either on her grandmother or a generational one that ended with her grandmother. Every year, until Grandma died, SOMETHING went wrong on Thanksgiving. The ones I can remember are...
yes, hello, I would like to place an order for everyone’s funniest stories of holiday food-related family grudges / drama / chaotic incidents / lore
I feel like we need this
I feel like we need this
November 25, 2025 at 3:21 AM
I had a friend growing up whose Thanksgivings were, I am certain, subject to a curse placed either on her grandmother or a generational one that ended with her grandmother. Every year, until Grandma died, SOMETHING went wrong on Thanksgiving. The ones I can remember are...
I was ranting in the car to Husband yesterday, because some politician on NPR was like "after Uvalde, I realized that we had been so wrong" and I was like THURSTON AND COLUMBINE HAPPENED WHEN YOU WERE IN COLLEGE, IT TOOK YOU ANOTHER 20 FUCKING YEARS??? FUCK YOU.
Suddenly all these articles about Republicans resigning and the party collapsing and like yeah I hope that's true, I hope that happens, but omg we've all been standing here the whole time pointing at the emperor's gross naked little mushroom dick. Republicans have ALWAYS been this. Jfc.
November 24, 2025 at 5:54 PM
I was ranting in the car to Husband yesterday, because some politician on NPR was like "after Uvalde, I realized that we had been so wrong" and I was like THURSTON AND COLUMBINE HAPPENED WHEN YOU WERE IN COLLEGE, IT TOOK YOU ANOTHER 20 FUCKING YEARS??? FUCK YOU.
Reposted by Jennifer K.
November 23, 2025 at 3:10 AM
Super love, when I’m dealing with autistic burnout, adhd overwhelm, mystery heart shit anxiety spirals & the winter doldrums, to see that the semi-annual “white people don’t bathe enough” discourse has begun. I’m sorry I can’t wash my hair more often, please do shame me more, it is certain to help.
November 22, 2025 at 1:08 AM
Super love, when I’m dealing with autistic burnout, adhd overwhelm, mystery heart shit anxiety spirals & the winter doldrums, to see that the semi-annual “white people don’t bathe enough” discourse has begun. I’m sorry I can’t wash my hair more often, please do shame me more, it is certain to help.
Reposted by Jennifer K.
I’m gonna reboost this and request a brain saving miracle because if Idont have enough my retirement that would be AWESOME
and rock back and forth before editing
and rock back and forth before editing
Welp it’s gotten real real if you can please help. If you can’t it’s really hard out here so share
gofund.me/a5ee0064
gofund.me/a5ee0064
November 20, 2025 at 7:20 PM
I’m gonna reboost this and request a brain saving miracle because if Idont have enough my retirement that would be AWESOME
and rock back and forth before editing
and rock back and forth before editing
Musician Rickey Lime, formerly of Scarling & Shotgun Won, was a year ahead of me (she went by a different name then). Literally no one else of note in that year range, lol I'm from a VERY small place.
Who was in your high school graduating class, +/- two years, that would be of interest?
For example, I took a basketball class and graduated w/all-time 8th man Jud Buechler (look it up), and may have followed Stephanie Seymour (not sure if she still WENT to school after I moved there).
For example, I took a basketball class and graduated w/all-time 8th man Jud Buechler (look it up), and may have followed Stephanie Seymour (not sure if she still WENT to school after I moved there).
November 19, 2025 at 5:39 AM
Musician Rickey Lime, formerly of Scarling & Shotgun Won, was a year ahead of me (she went by a different name then). Literally no one else of note in that year range, lol I'm from a VERY small place.
Reposted by Jennifer K.
so anyway I plunked myself down, read the entirety of E.B. White's 1940 essay "Freedom" for Harper's Magazine, and put it up for free on my Patreon. enjoy (or don't, I'm not your dad).
there's an intro for context, and then the reading starts at 6:35 www.patreon.com/posts/e-b-wh...
there's an intro for context, and then the reading starts at 6:35 www.patreon.com/posts/e-b-wh...
November 18, 2025 at 5:43 AM
so anyway I plunked myself down, read the entirety of E.B. White's 1940 essay "Freedom" for Harper's Magazine, and put it up for free on my Patreon. enjoy (or don't, I'm not your dad).
there's an intro for context, and then the reading starts at 6:35 www.patreon.com/posts/e-b-wh...
there's an intro for context, and then the reading starts at 6:35 www.patreon.com/posts/e-b-wh...
Read my son, who turns 20 in less than two weeks, two small excerpts of the Nuzzi book. "It sounds like RFK Jr. fanfic written by JK Rowling," he said.
He is closer to that woman's age than ANY of her known paramours, and has read her for filth better than I ever could. I am so proud.
He is closer to that woman's age than ANY of her known paramours, and has read her for filth better than I ever could. I am so proud.
November 18, 2025 at 5:13 AM
Read my son, who turns 20 in less than two weeks, two small excerpts of the Nuzzi book. "It sounds like RFK Jr. fanfic written by JK Rowling," he said.
He is closer to that woman's age than ANY of her known paramours, and has read her for filth better than I ever could. I am so proud.
He is closer to that woman's age than ANY of her known paramours, and has read her for filth better than I ever could. I am so proud.
Reposted by Jennifer K.
It's a great cosmic joke that neurodivergence both runs in families and gets diagnosed based on parent reports. I was diagnosed at 30 because a man who has eaten potatoes every day for 57 years and a woman who collects loose buttons decided I was a perfectly normal child.
November 15, 2025 at 5:10 AM
It's a great cosmic joke that neurodivergence both runs in families and gets diagnosed based on parent reports. I was diagnosed at 30 because a man who has eaten potatoes every day for 57 years and a woman who collects loose buttons decided I was a perfectly normal child.
I straight up gave a friend $100 to help her get a Gaiman-related tattoo covered up. You think I'm gonna lose a minute of sleep over a *politician*???
"What if one of YOUR favorite politicians/celebrities/etc is on the list?" Did you all not notice how quickly we dropped Neil Gaiman when we found out about the things he did? Do you know how beloved that guy used to be and how loathed he is now? I think that right there should answer your question.
November 14, 2025 at 5:16 AM
I straight up gave a friend $100 to help her get a Gaiman-related tattoo covered up. You think I'm gonna lose a minute of sleep over a *politician*???
November gloom/pre-holiday season has officially arrived, time for me to fall down my annual old timey radio rabbit hole & listen to nothing but wartime broadcasts from now until January.
November 13, 2025 at 7:38 PM
November gloom/pre-holiday season has officially arrived, time for me to fall down my annual old timey radio rabbit hole & listen to nothing but wartime broadcasts from now until January.
HAPPY EXPLODING WHALE DAY!
(this whole thread is great)
(this whole thread is great)
🚨 EXPLODING WHALE DAY🚨
November 12, 1970:
A 40 ton whale carcass lays, rotting, on an Oregon beach.
A crowd has gathered to watch the whale carcass be dynamited to dispose of it.
HILARITY*. ENSUES.
*”blubber snowstorm”
REMASTERED VIDEO!
www.youtube.com/embed/V6CLum...
November 12, 1970:
A 40 ton whale carcass lays, rotting, on an Oregon beach.
A crowd has gathered to watch the whale carcass be dynamited to dispose of it.
HILARITY*. ENSUES.
*”blubber snowstorm”
REMASTERED VIDEO!
www.youtube.com/embed/V6CLum...
November 12, 2025 at 6:07 PM
HAPPY EXPLODING WHALE DAY!
(this whole thread is great)
(this whole thread is great)