@saramrubin.bsky.social
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Film Exec: So Alien but with more aliens?
James Cameron: 100%
Film Exec: But what are we going to call it?
James Cameron: *Deep breath*
James Cameron: 100%
Film Exec: But what are we going to call it?
James Cameron: *Deep breath*
January 12, 2026 at 9:23 AM
Film Exec: So Alien but with more aliens?
James Cameron: 100%
Film Exec: But what are we going to call it?
James Cameron: *Deep breath*
James Cameron: 100%
Film Exec: But what are we going to call it?
James Cameron: *Deep breath*
Getting out of my car to pump gas before remembering I’m in New Jersey
January 8, 2026 at 5:16 PM
Getting out of my car to pump gas before remembering I’m in New Jersey
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*christmas eve. i’m sitting in front of the fireplace with the grandchildren telling them the story about the marriage of elizabeth taylor & larry fortensky when i suddenly stop & look them all dead in the eyes*
do any of you have around seventeen thousand dollars i can borrow?
do any of you have around seventeen thousand dollars i can borrow?
January 4, 2026 at 6:06 AM
*christmas eve. i’m sitting in front of the fireplace with the grandchildren telling them the story about the marriage of elizabeth taylor & larry fortensky when i suddenly stop & look them all dead in the eyes*
do any of you have around seventeen thousand dollars i can borrow?
do any of you have around seventeen thousand dollars i can borrow?
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if i’d been the winter caretaker of the overlook hotel it wouldn’t have gone down like that
December 27, 2025 at 2:15 AM
if i’d been the winter caretaker of the overlook hotel it wouldn’t have gone down like that
I’ve never understood why he’s called Santa Claus and not San Claus but I will be thanking the Christians in my life for their support this trans icon.
December 20, 2025 at 1:27 PM
I’ve never understood why he’s called Santa Claus and not San Claus but I will be thanking the Christians in my life for their support this trans icon.
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in Australia, the ceiling is lava
March 25, 2025 at 9:32 PM
in Australia, the ceiling is lava
Lou Bega: I like Angela
Angela: well that’s nice
Lou Bega: Pamela, Sandra, and Rita, and as I continue you know they’re getting sweeter
Angela: hold on now
Angela: well that’s nice
Lou Bega: Pamela, Sandra, and Rita, and as I continue you know they’re getting sweeter
Angela: hold on now
December 11, 2025 at 11:23 PM
Lou Bega: I like Angela
Angela: well that’s nice
Lou Bega: Pamela, Sandra, and Rita, and as I continue you know they’re getting sweeter
Angela: hold on now
Angela: well that’s nice
Lou Bega: Pamela, Sandra, and Rita, and as I continue you know they’re getting sweeter
Angela: hold on now
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ME: I’m not really into horror scenes or melodramatic roles, I can’t cry on command and I definitely won’t do nudity
KFC RECRUITER: ok
KFC RECRUITER: ok
December 8, 2025 at 8:24 PM
ME: I’m not really into horror scenes or melodramatic roles, I can’t cry on command and I definitely won’t do nudity
KFC RECRUITER: ok
KFC RECRUITER: ok
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for a second i thought i hit a deer but fortunately for me it was just a car dressed up like a deer
December 4, 2025 at 7:29 PM
for a second i thought i hit a deer but fortunately for me it was just a car dressed up like a deer
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*Anthony Kiedis, sitting down to write Give It Away* You know who I hate? The Kaiser.
December 2, 2025 at 9:34 AM
*Anthony Kiedis, sitting down to write Give It Away* You know who I hate? The Kaiser.
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Just found out my husband has been using Viagra for the past two years. I’m taking it real hard
November 30, 2025 at 9:04 PM
Just found out my husband has been using Viagra for the past two years. I’m taking it real hard
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can’t stand the mona lisa. I hate it when women smile. What’s so funny? My tiny penis?
November 30, 2025 at 1:41 AM
can’t stand the mona lisa. I hate it when women smile. What’s so funny? My tiny penis?
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My moon conspiracy theory is that every astronaut who sees the Earth from space immediately says “That’s a spicy meatball!” and NASA is covering it up.
November 24, 2025 at 12:39 AM
My moon conspiracy theory is that every astronaut who sees the Earth from space immediately says “That’s a spicy meatball!” and NASA is covering it up.
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Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
November 18, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
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Swiss Army Knife
French Navy Fork
Italian Air Force Spoon
French Navy Fork
Italian Air Force Spoon
November 18, 2025 at 5:58 AM
Swiss Army Knife
French Navy Fork
Italian Air Force Spoon
French Navy Fork
Italian Air Force Spoon
Olivia Nuzzi won’t see your jokes, but your friends who have affairs with 70 year old presidential candidates who eat road kill will
November 14, 2025 at 6:28 PM
Olivia Nuzzi won’t see your jokes, but your friends who have affairs with 70 year old presidential candidates who eat road kill will
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Many "American Psychos" can trace their ancestry to immigrants who came through Bret Easton Ellis Island.
November 14, 2025 at 5:06 AM
Many "American Psychos" can trace their ancestry to immigrants who came through Bret Easton Ellis Island.
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Safety inspector: I found two major issues with your Death Star. For one thing, there are no railings.
Grand Moff Tarkin: We believe railings would detract from the austerity of our bottomless chasms.
Safety inspector: That brings us to my second issue.
Grand Moff Tarkin: We believe railings would detract from the austerity of our bottomless chasms.
Safety inspector: That brings us to my second issue.
November 12, 2025 at 11:35 PM
Safety inspector: I found two major issues with your Death Star. For one thing, there are no railings.
Grand Moff Tarkin: We believe railings would detract from the austerity of our bottomless chasms.
Safety inspector: That brings us to my second issue.
Grand Moff Tarkin: We believe railings would detract from the austerity of our bottomless chasms.
Safety inspector: That brings us to my second issue.
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6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
November 9, 2025 at 10:24 PM
6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
Aunt Alice: the food in this nursing home is so bad I’ve gained 7 pounds. There’s so much kale!
Me: how did you gain weight eating kale?
Aunt Alice: because I’m forced to order pizza when that’s what they’re serving
Me: how did you gain weight eating kale?
Aunt Alice: because I’m forced to order pizza when that’s what they’re serving
October 30, 2025 at 1:43 PM
Aunt Alice: the food in this nursing home is so bad I’ve gained 7 pounds. There’s so much kale!
Me: how did you gain weight eating kale?
Aunt Alice: because I’m forced to order pizza when that’s what they’re serving
Me: how did you gain weight eating kale?
Aunt Alice: because I’m forced to order pizza when that’s what they’re serving
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i don't understand why they're called the toronto blue jays and not the toronto baseballs. i'll never understand it. same with the dodgers, they should be called the baseballs too. more people should be like me and speak out when they see that something is wrong
October 29, 2025 at 2:45 AM
i don't understand why they're called the toronto blue jays and not the toronto baseballs. i'll never understand it. same with the dodgers, they should be called the baseballs too. more people should be like me and speak out when they see that something is wrong
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I’m going to get a lot done today or fall asleep trying.
October 25, 2025 at 3:45 PM
I’m going to get a lot done today or fall asleep trying.
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I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnnnnnnnng john silver's gift card
October 26, 2025 at 1:18 AM
I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnnnnnnnng john silver's gift card