“a dull blade is more dangerous than a sharp one”- guy that’s never been stabbed by a sharp blade

October 11, 2025 is a milestone in comedy history. Not only is it the 50th anniversary of the 1st SNL, today is also the final new Dr. Demento show. After 55 years, Barret Hansen is hanging up his top hat. Please go to drdemento.com to hear his all time demented top 40 countdown special.

reminder to check your kid’s trick or treat candy this year to make sure there isn’t any ai in it

I'm glad everyone notices how normal my deal is

Wearing a funyun like a nose ring.

Arriving at the poetry reading wearing chain mail made of interlocked mini pretzels, a helmet hollowed out of olive ciabatta, and wielding a rosemary and sea salt encrusted baguette like a legendary sword. Telling the people in attendance to address me as “Sir Bread” or they will be dispatched.

[Receiving Nobel Peace Prize]

Me: "I’m honored, Mr. Chairman.”

My Mom from the audience: "He wet the bed til he was 17!”

WARDEN: any last words
ME: come closer
WARDEN: *leans down* yes?
ME: *whispering* never gonna give you up never gonna let you down

Let me know if this helps. (Send DM otherwise and I can talk you through what I did). I am using Bluesky app but not their servers/handles.

docs.blacksky.community/migrating-to...

i really wish she would stop blinding me with science

simply mining less coal to curry favor with my coal-hating wife

If you've been wanting an adults-only Tron gambling experience (and we know you want just that), you'll love our new Tron Jeremy slot machine.

I just migrated my account off Bluesky and boy are my arms less slimy.

Look, I just feel like I shouldn’t have to bend over backward to get an exorcism

ME: don’t even talk to me until i’ve had my coffee

EVERYONE: *hides the coffee*

Of course Garrison Keillor did the Riyadh Comedy Festival 🙄

I thought I recognized your laugh when you drove past.

if 2025 had a scooby doo style van it would be called the misery machine

LINKEDIN: 10 things getting a colonoscopy taught me about digital marketing.

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Everything doesn’t ever stop anymore

You made the weather too hot here. I was disoriented.

Why did you join ISIS Charlie Brown

Please ignore the email I just sent asking to borrow your space laser.

Trick on how to always win at “rock, paper, scissors”: No matter what the other person chooses, sleep with their high school crush.