Jerry
@allhailjerry.myatproto.social
Headache.
Big Boss Human: @riversidecasino.bsky.social
Contributor:
@sorrowscopes.bsky.social
@greenevillezoo.bsky.social
@cloverkisscinema.bsky.social
My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/allhailjerry.bsky.social/feed/aaafaaongqdyc
Big Boss Human: @riversidecasino.bsky.social
Contributor:
@sorrowscopes.bsky.social
@greenevillezoo.bsky.social
@cloverkisscinema.bsky.social
My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/allhailjerry.bsky.social/feed/aaafaaongqdyc
Pinned
Jerry
@allhailjerry.myatproto.social
· Nov 11
Screaming for ice cream does not work.
Reposted by Jerry
I hope the next edition of E. B. White's The Elements of Style addresses "Boiled Peanuts" vs "Boiled P-nuts."
November 26, 2025 at 12:46 PM
I hope the next edition of E. B. White's The Elements of Style addresses "Boiled Peanuts" vs "Boiled P-nuts."
Reposted by Jerry
Operator: Butterball hotline, how can I help you with your turkey today?
Me (whispering): I'm so scared. You have to help me.
Operator: Sir?
Me: I'm under the bed, and --oh God no, he sees me!
*gobbling noises, a shotgun cocks*
Me: I'm sorry! Please, for the--
*BLAM*
Operator: Sir? ...Sir?
Me (whispering): I'm so scared. You have to help me.
Operator: Sir?
Me: I'm under the bed, and --oh God no, he sees me!
*gobbling noises, a shotgun cocks*
Me: I'm sorry! Please, for the--
*BLAM*
Operator: Sir? ...Sir?
November 26, 2025 at 1:04 PM
Operator: Butterball hotline, how can I help you with your turkey today?
Me (whispering): I'm so scared. You have to help me.
Operator: Sir?
Me: I'm under the bed, and --oh God no, he sees me!
*gobbling noises, a shotgun cocks*
Me: I'm sorry! Please, for the--
*BLAM*
Operator: Sir? ...Sir?
Me (whispering): I'm so scared. You have to help me.
Operator: Sir?
Me: I'm under the bed, and --oh God no, he sees me!
*gobbling noises, a shotgun cocks*
Me: I'm sorry! Please, for the--
*BLAM*
Operator: Sir? ...Sir?
Reposted by Jerry
[argument at thanksgiving dinner]
wife: *whispering to me* don’t start taking sides this time
me: why not? *sliding roast potatoes in pocket* they're too busy yelling to notice
wife: *whispering to me* don’t start taking sides this time
me: why not? *sliding roast potatoes in pocket* they're too busy yelling to notice
November 26, 2025 at 2:04 PM
[argument at thanksgiving dinner]
wife: *whispering to me* don’t start taking sides this time
me: why not? *sliding roast potatoes in pocket* they're too busy yelling to notice
wife: *whispering to me* don’t start taking sides this time
me: why not? *sliding roast potatoes in pocket* they're too busy yelling to notice
Reposted by Jerry
love how language learning apps are like “three words you need to know in every language are badminton, wild boar, and frolicsome”
November 26, 2025 at 2:14 PM
love how language learning apps are like “three words you need to know in every language are badminton, wild boar, and frolicsome”
Reposted by Jerry
Meet our 3 turkeys, Butterball, Yum Yum, and Drumstick. Just Kidding. All turkeys are named Sir Peckworth Of Gobble Town.
November 25, 2025 at 3:44 AM
Meet our 3 turkeys, Butterball, Yum Yum, and Drumstick. Just Kidding. All turkeys are named Sir Peckworth Of Gobble Town.
Costco never really plays up its sexy image
November 25, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Costco never really plays up its sexy image
Reposted by Jerry
There is a mirror in room 402 that shows viewers their reflections 32 seconds into the future. It has saved and ended many lives. We cannot take it down. We have tried.
November 13, 2025 at 8:54 PM
There is a mirror in room 402 that shows viewers their reflections 32 seconds into the future. It has saved and ended many lives. We cannot take it down. We have tried.
Reposted by Jerry
they should terraform the earth
November 23, 2025 at 1:50 AM
they should terraform the earth
Reposted by Jerry
*running into someone i haven’t seen in forever* omg, i think about your dog all the time
November 21, 2025 at 7:53 PM
*running into someone i haven’t seen in forever* omg, i think about your dog all the time
Reposted by Jerry
that which does not kill you will only be denied coverage by insurance
November 22, 2025 at 8:02 PM
that which does not kill you will only be denied coverage by insurance
Reposted by Jerry
lol love how they send one guy out to negotiate
November 22, 2025 at 8:39 PM
lol love how they send one guy out to negotiate
I can't find the Bible verse that accounts for this.
November 22, 2025 at 8:44 PM
I can't find the Bible verse that accounts for this.
Reposted by Jerry
the thing about ever unmuting accounts you've muted is don't
November 22, 2025 at 4:21 PM
the thing about ever unmuting accounts you've muted is don't
Reposted by Jerry
if you tell your parents that you don’t want to have kids and they look offended, it’s because they’re thinking “damn, why didn’t I think of that“
November 22, 2025 at 3:38 AM
if you tell your parents that you don’t want to have kids and they look offended, it’s because they’re thinking “damn, why didn’t I think of that“
Reposted by Jerry
PAVLOV: thank you for watching my dog! did they drool a lot?
SCHRÖDINGER: yes and no
SCHRÖDINGER: yes and no
November 21, 2025 at 9:14 PM
PAVLOV: thank you for watching my dog! did they drool a lot?
SCHRÖDINGER: yes and no
SCHRÖDINGER: yes and no
Reposted by Jerry
If I was a newscaster I would 100% have to apologize for mispronouncing his name.
November 22, 2025 at 2:51 AM
If I was a newscaster I would 100% have to apologize for mispronouncing his name.
Reposted by Jerry
Gerrymander Maine so the lobster people have to vote with the survivalists
November 22, 2025 at 3:14 AM
Gerrymander Maine so the lobster people have to vote with the survivalists
Reposted by Jerry
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, rock you like a hurricane
November 22, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Reposted by Jerry
I handed out neighbor-printed whistles in Flatbush tonight and it was lovely. New Yorkers in motion do not EVER stop to chat but for this, they did.
One church lady in a fancy hat gleefully took a whistle and told me she’d “blow they icy asses outta her town,” then apologized skyward for swearing.
One church lady in a fancy hat gleefully took a whistle and told me she’d “blow they icy asses outta her town,” then apologized skyward for swearing.
With ICE and border patrol goons spreading out across the country, I put together a resource guide for buying, printing, and distributing whistles, based on my own experience. Now is the time to whistle up, hope this helps. dansinker.com/posts/202…
November 22, 2025 at 2:12 AM
I handed out neighbor-printed whistles in Flatbush tonight and it was lovely. New Yorkers in motion do not EVER stop to chat but for this, they did.
One church lady in a fancy hat gleefully took a whistle and told me she’d “blow they icy asses outta her town,” then apologized skyward for swearing.
One church lady in a fancy hat gleefully took a whistle and told me she’d “blow they icy asses outta her town,” then apologized skyward for swearing.
Reposted by Jerry
How do we even know the stuffing isn’t Stove Bottom? (This is a seasonal post.)
November 22, 2025 at 2:18 AM
How do we even know the stuffing isn’t Stove Bottom? (This is a seasonal post.)
Reposted by Jerry
Me to baby: say MA-MA
Baby: *dolphin noises*
Baby: *dolphin noises*
November 21, 2025 at 11:18 PM
Me to baby: say MA-MA
Baby: *dolphin noises*
Baby: *dolphin noises*
Reposted by Jerry
There’s a kid on my 4th grader’s bball team named Larry.
November 21, 2025 at 10:11 PM
There’s a kid on my 4th grader’s bball team named Larry.
Reposted by Jerry
Dunkin now has pretzel bites filled with my favorite British STD: pub cheese.
November 21, 2025 at 8:56 PM
Dunkin now has pretzel bites filled with my favorite British STD: pub cheese.
Reposted by Jerry
I don’t think we’ve spent enough time considering the positive side of having a president with dementia.
November 21, 2025 at 10:28 PM
I don’t think we’ve spent enough time considering the positive side of having a president with dementia.
Reposted by Jerry
whoever came up with the word puzzles should name more things
November 20, 2025 at 11:31 PM
whoever came up with the word puzzles should name more things