Reposted by Dan Johnson
Reposted by Dan Johnson
drank a bottle of brake fluid and can’t stand up this shit works
December 19, 2025 at 1:55 AM
drank a bottle of brake fluid and can’t stand up this shit works
Reposted by Dan Johnson
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Capt. Jones and I'll be your pilot today and, uh damn that's a lot of buttons. That's a lot of fucking buttons
February 14, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Capt. Jones and I'll be your pilot today and, uh damn that's a lot of buttons. That's a lot of fucking buttons
Reposted by Dan Johnson
my spotify listening age jumped 20 years when i started letting your mom pick our fuck music
December 4, 2025 at 1:07 AM
my spotify listening age jumped 20 years when i started letting your mom pick our fuck music
Reposted by Dan Johnson
sorry to Wizard of Oz post, but I was raised on the Midwestern cut of the film where Oz is in black and white and Kansas is in color so that we would be discouraged from flights of fancy and excited to return to farm work
November 22, 2025 at 7:09 PM
sorry to Wizard of Oz post, but I was raised on the Midwestern cut of the film where Oz is in black and white and Kansas is in color so that we would be discouraged from flights of fancy and excited to return to farm work
Reposted by Dan Johnson
Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck
November 19, 2025 at 9:26 PM
Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck
Reposted by Dan Johnson
Reposted by Dan Johnson
We did it for you Dick Cheney
November 5, 2025 at 2:32 AM
We did it for you Dick Cheney
Reposted by Dan Johnson
Reposted by Dan Johnson
Me: Every sandwich is an open-face sandwich unless you consume it rectally
Date: Welp, I gotta work in the morning
Date: Welp, I gotta work in the morning
October 18, 2025 at 12:31 AM
Me: Every sandwich is an open-face sandwich unless you consume it rectally
Date: Welp, I gotta work in the morning
Date: Welp, I gotta work in the morning
Reposted by Dan Johnson
"Women don't like the vehicle"
October 16, 2025 at 2:48 PM
"Women don't like the vehicle"
Reposted by Dan Johnson
STEVE HARVEY: something with 8 legs you don’t want to see in your bedroom
ME, BUZZING IN IMMEDIATELY: 4 men fucking my wife
ME, BUZZING IN IMMEDIATELY: 4 men fucking my wife
August 22, 2023 at 7:36 PM
STEVE HARVEY: something with 8 legs you don’t want to see in your bedroom
ME, BUZZING IN IMMEDIATELY: 4 men fucking my wife
ME, BUZZING IN IMMEDIATELY: 4 men fucking my wife
Reposted by Dan Johnson
date: can you take off your work gloves
Jim Henson: they have names
Jim Henson: they have names
May 1, 2023 at 12:01 PM
date: can you take off your work gloves
Jim Henson: they have names
Jim Henson: they have names
Reposted by Dan Johnson
a toilet that poops back
September 1, 2025 at 11:53 PM
a toilet that poops back
Reposted by Dan Johnson
A jury of my peers? TWELVE murderers?!
August 26, 2025 at 1:30 AM
A jury of my peers? TWELVE murderers?!
Reposted by Dan Johnson
john wick's wife goes away on a work trip and right away he's in the basement with a sledgehammer bustin his porno out the floor
August 8, 2025 at 5:16 AM
john wick's wife goes away on a work trip and right away he's in the basement with a sledgehammer bustin his porno out the floor
Reposted by Dan Johnson
winnie the pooh getting hammered and waking up the next morning wearing pants
July 30, 2025 at 11:41 PM
winnie the pooh getting hammered and waking up the next morning wearing pants
Reposted by Dan Johnson
*walks into my first day of work at a think tank* think tank? more like stink tank
guy who hired me: I told you he was good
guy who hired me: I told you he was good
July 15, 2025 at 3:07 PM
*walks into my first day of work at a think tank* think tank? more like stink tank
guy who hired me: I told you he was good
guy who hired me: I told you he was good
Just encase Conor's hands in cement already. We can make it real cute too, if that's the issue. Like an obnoxious hand-holding couple at the wax dipping booth at the ren faire.
July 14, 2025 at 4:42 PM
Just encase Conor's hands in cement already. We can make it real cute too, if that's the issue. Like an obnoxious hand-holding couple at the wax dipping booth at the ren faire.
Reposted by Dan Johnson
Sometimes you get high and start waxing idiotic about how The Simpsons is about the journey from Judaism ("Abraham" Simpson) to Hellenism ("Homer" Simpson) and then finally to Christianity ("Bartholomew" Simpson) and then someone tells you to shut the fuck up, and they’re right to do so.
November 18, 2024 at 9:40 PM
Sometimes you get high and start waxing idiotic about how The Simpsons is about the journey from Judaism ("Abraham" Simpson) to Hellenism ("Homer" Simpson) and then finally to Christianity ("Bartholomew" Simpson) and then someone tells you to shut the fuck up, and they’re right to do so.
THE PATRIOT is about how you should have so many kids your wife dies and then turn them into child soldiers
July 5, 2025 at 4:04 AM
THE PATRIOT is about how you should have so many kids your wife dies and then turn them into child soldiers
Reposted by Dan Johnson
water under the bridge? oh my god. this bridge was built over an orphanage
June 23, 2025 at 3:55 AM
water under the bridge? oh my god. this bridge was built over an orphanage
Kinda sucks how the Democrats need to get Tea Party’d but the Repubs got to Tea Party while the other side gave them Obamacare and unprecedented economic growth and right now it’s… the opposite
June 14, 2025 at 12:31 AM
Kinda sucks how the Democrats need to get Tea Party’d but the Repubs got to Tea Party while the other side gave them Obamacare and unprecedented economic growth and right now it’s… the opposite
Reposted by Dan Johnson
took a picture with the flash on and my goth girlfriend got sunburn
May 20, 2025 at 3:05 PM
took a picture with the flash on and my goth girlfriend got sunburn
Reposted by Dan Johnson
Sigourney Wiener
May 4, 2025 at 5:49 PM
Sigourney Wiener