chris
@fae-imposter.bsky.social
not the brightest knife in the crayon box; i like pets, books, and puppets; i do not want to see any of you naked
Pinned
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children love winnie the pooh’s charming tale about a boy and his mentally ill animals
December 30, 2025 at 8:16 PM
children love winnie the pooh’s charming tale about a boy and his mentally ill animals
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“I stick to my strengths” 🤣 #CalvinandHobbes
December 30, 2025 at 6:00 PM
“I stick to my strengths” 🤣 #CalvinandHobbes
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I remember thinking “why would they open Jurassic Park again? All those people died!” Or “why would they have another summer camp at Crystal Lake after Jason killed all those people for seven consecutive movies?” but it’s gotten to the point with things where it’s like yeah they’d do that for money
December 30, 2025 at 5:18 PM
I remember thinking “why would they open Jurassic Park again? All those people died!” Or “why would they have another summer camp at Crystal Lake after Jason killed all those people for seven consecutive movies?” but it’s gotten to the point with things where it’s like yeah they’d do that for money
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I've waited 3 years to make this post
December 30, 2025 at 3:14 PM
I've waited 3 years to make this post
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I can’t remember the last time I used a stapler, so this is just giving me a mental image of the poor thing forlornly following me around occasionally hopefully saying “you staple now?”.
Also, this just in -> the latest bizarre AI fever dream is AI-controlled trivets, staplers, and coffee cups on wheels. So we'll be chased around by inanimate wheeled objects clamoring for our attention.
![Real news story headline: "Robot Coffee Cups? Self-Driving Trivets? AI Researchers Made It Happen. [sub-title] Scientists found a way to animate everyday objects and predict your next move, so your stapler is always nearby when you need it."](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:wstpte2vzb4ra2iqtnw2d2ef/bafkreibbhk46utcdzm3qb2u2muehbhrndu6x47k5a4v64ef44xdpbgh42u@jpeg)
December 30, 2025 at 11:47 AM
I can’t remember the last time I used a stapler, so this is just giving me a mental image of the poor thing forlornly following me around occasionally hopefully saying “you staple now?”.
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me from Christmas until Sunday 4th
December 30, 2025 at 1:32 PM
me from Christmas until Sunday 4th
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Metal detectorists/mudlarkers in North America: "Look, three pennies and a belt buckle! Best day on the beach ever!"
Metal detectorists/mudlarkers in Great Britain: "Remember to report all the dead bodies and live WWII-era ordnance you find. They have a form at the office."
Metal detectorists/mudlarkers in Great Britain: "Remember to report all the dead bodies and live WWII-era ordnance you find. They have a form at the office."
December 30, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Metal detectorists/mudlarkers in North America: "Look, three pennies and a belt buckle! Best day on the beach ever!"
Metal detectorists/mudlarkers in Great Britain: "Remember to report all the dead bodies and live WWII-era ordnance you find. They have a form at the office."
Metal detectorists/mudlarkers in Great Britain: "Remember to report all the dead bodies and live WWII-era ordnance you find. They have a form at the office."
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sisyphus getting a treadmill for christmas
December 28, 2025 at 11:30 PM
sisyphus getting a treadmill for christmas
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One thought a day feels like it should be enough.
December 30, 2025 at 3:04 AM
One thought a day feels like it should be enough.
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if you have a small hound dog mutt that's an everything beagle
December 30, 2025 at 1:27 AM
if you have a small hound dog mutt that's an everything beagle
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ok I did one
December 30, 2025 at 1:52 AM
ok I did one
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WARNING: Don't drive your car into the bacon.
December 29, 2025 at 8:35 PM
WARNING: Don't drive your car into the bacon.
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[After two glasses of wine at every dinner party]
Hey did you know comic books imposed self-censorship to avoid government intervention so for like thirty years Superman comics stopped being about punching bad guys and instead he’d be like IF I DON’T EAT ALL THESE PIES JIMMY WILL TURN INTO A CLOCK!
Hey did you know comic books imposed self-censorship to avoid government intervention so for like thirty years Superman comics stopped being about punching bad guys and instead he’d be like IF I DON’T EAT ALL THESE PIES JIMMY WILL TURN INTO A CLOCK!
December 29, 2025 at 10:34 PM
[After two glasses of wine at every dinner party]
Hey did you know comic books imposed self-censorship to avoid government intervention so for like thirty years Superman comics stopped being about punching bad guys and instead he’d be like IF I DON’T EAT ALL THESE PIES JIMMY WILL TURN INTO A CLOCK!
Hey did you know comic books imposed self-censorship to avoid government intervention so for like thirty years Superman comics stopped being about punching bad guys and instead he’d be like IF I DON’T EAT ALL THESE PIES JIMMY WILL TURN INTO A CLOCK!
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an orange cat
December 29, 2025 at 10:20 PM
an orange cat
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doctors dont want YOU to KNOW these are the ONLY two foods your body NEEDS
December 29, 2025 at 10:33 PM
doctors dont want YOU to KNOW these are the ONLY two foods your body NEEDS
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NOW GO OUT THERE AND LIVE THE FINAL DAYS OF THIS SHITSTAINED YEAR BEING KIND AND BOLD AND DARING AND FOLLOW THE RULES OF THE PIT WHEN YOU SEE SOMEBODY GO DOWN YOU HELP THEM THE FUCK BACK UP
December 29, 2025 at 11:45 PM
NOW GO OUT THERE AND LIVE THE FINAL DAYS OF THIS SHITSTAINED YEAR BEING KIND AND BOLD AND DARING AND FOLLOW THE RULES OF THE PIT WHEN YOU SEE SOMEBODY GO DOWN YOU HELP THEM THE FUCK BACK UP
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Microwave popcorn has a three second window between ‘not ready yet’ and ‘you’ve summoned smoke demons who hate you personally’.
December 30, 2025 at 12:18 AM
Microwave popcorn has a three second window between ‘not ready yet’ and ‘you’ve summoned smoke demons who hate you personally’.
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Your local librarian here to say that it’s great if you read lots of books this year, alright if you read barely anything, that audiobooks, romance and graphic novels are all valid formats and genres, and that some authors suck but we’re still not stopping you from reading them.
December 29, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Your local librarian here to say that it’s great if you read lots of books this year, alright if you read barely anything, that audiobooks, romance and graphic novels are all valid formats and genres, and that some authors suck but we’re still not stopping you from reading them.
vampires don't have jobs
Well, now I'm an English professor...
December 30, 2025 at 12:00 AM
vampires don't have jobs
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this is how the baby walks around the house after receiving a baby doll for christmas
December 29, 2025 at 8:03 PM
this is how the baby walks around the house after receiving a baby doll for christmas
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The only New Year's resolution that matters is you resolving to finally shamble off into the old forest and become the moss draped horror you were always meant to be.
December 29, 2025 at 8:00 PM
The only New Year's resolution that matters is you resolving to finally shamble off into the old forest and become the moss draped horror you were always meant to be.
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as the prophecy foretold
December 29, 2025 at 1:56 PM
as the prophecy foretold
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I used to manage wine programs for movie theaters and I am in the extremely unique position to say with professional certainty that the answer here is a crisp Albariño.
asking the sommelier which wine pairs best with swedish fish
December 29, 2025 at 4:53 AM
I used to manage wine programs for movie theaters and I am in the extremely unique position to say with professional certainty that the answer here is a crisp Albariño.