jdankovchik.bsky.social
@jdankovchik.bsky.social
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
love when there’s a newspaper profile of some psychopath that points out they allow themselves “a lone vice, like a single cup of black coffee in the morning.” personally I am a bundle of trash glued together by vices. they’re all load-bearing
January 29, 2026 at 6:39 PM
love when there’s a newspaper profile of some psychopath that points out they allow themselves “a lone vice, like a single cup of black coffee in the morning.” personally I am a bundle of trash glued together by vices. they’re all load-bearing
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
my whole life I’ve been slightly disappointed that the little lines that make up the rear defroster on cars don’t faintly glow orange when you turn them on
January 29, 2026 at 12:22 AM
my whole life I’ve been slightly disappointed that the little lines that make up the rear defroster on cars don’t faintly glow orange when you turn them on
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
SAURON: build me an army worthy of mordor
SARUMAN: so a buncha big beefcakes
SAURON: well no that’s not wh
SARUMAN: drop everything, boys! we’re buildin beefcakes!
SAURON:
SARUMAN: massive damp guys comin right up! beefy dudes!
SARUMAN: so a buncha big beefcakes
SAURON: well no that’s not wh
SARUMAN: drop everything, boys! we’re buildin beefcakes!
SAURON:
SARUMAN: massive damp guys comin right up! beefy dudes!
January 25, 2026 at 4:33 PM
SAURON: build me an army worthy of mordor
SARUMAN: so a buncha big beefcakes
SAURON: well no that’s not wh
SARUMAN: drop everything, boys! we’re buildin beefcakes!
SAURON:
SARUMAN: massive damp guys comin right up! beefy dudes!
SARUMAN: so a buncha big beefcakes
SAURON: well no that’s not wh
SARUMAN: drop everything, boys! we’re buildin beefcakes!
SAURON:
SARUMAN: massive damp guys comin right up! beefy dudes!
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
This reminds me of one of my favorite stories. During a Javelin Thrust in Yuma one year, we brought two Navajo Code Talkers out to talk to the comm Marines about doing the job in WW2, get a brief on modern comm gear, and so we could ensure we still had Marines who could say they shook their hands.
I really dislike this leftie tendency to use all of the horrible crimes this country has committed as proof that the country is irredeemable, when the people who fought against it often did so *as Americans* because it implies they were a bunch of stupid fucking rubes
January 22, 2026 at 4:20 PM
This reminds me of one of my favorite stories. During a Javelin Thrust in Yuma one year, we brought two Navajo Code Talkers out to talk to the comm Marines about doing the job in WW2, get a brief on modern comm gear, and so we could ensure we still had Marines who could say they shook their hands.
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
Now is the winter, where is my disco tent?
January 21, 2026 at 7:03 PM
Now is the winter, where is my disco tent?
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
This is a deck of cards. Deal with it.
January 18, 2026 at 11:29 AM
This is a deck of cards. Deal with it.
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
HER: (touching my chest) What a fascinating tattoo...
ME: Thanks. I was carrying a squid and a porcupine, and I tripped.
ME: Thanks. I was carrying a squid and a porcupine, and I tripped.
November 5, 2023 at 2:59 PM
HER: (touching my chest) What a fascinating tattoo...
ME: Thanks. I was carrying a squid and a porcupine, and I tripped.
ME: Thanks. I was carrying a squid and a porcupine, and I tripped.
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
the hamburger has to really want the help
January 11, 2026 at 12:49 PM
the hamburger has to really want the help
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
HOST: what did you bring Method Man?
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
January 2, 2026 at 5:37 PM
HOST: what did you bring Method Man?
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
You gotta love a squirrel just running around the zoo. The Bonus Animal
November 7, 2024 at 7:42 PM
You gotta love a squirrel just running around the zoo. The Bonus Animal
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
oh christ look at the time
December 12, 2023 at 9:21 PM
oh christ look at the time
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
He looks like he’s trying to stop his dog from leaving him
December 7, 2025 at 3:04 AM
He looks like he’s trying to stop his dog from leaving him
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
If the Grinch tried to pull any of that shit around me I would shoot him in the fucking face
December 23, 2025 at 11:37 PM
If the Grinch tried to pull any of that shit around me I would shoot him in the fucking face
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
[me, an intelligent person] yeah but the bear would know my intentions and befriend me
August 5, 2025 at 5:04 PM
[me, an intelligent person] yeah but the bear would know my intentions and befriend me
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
How the Grinch Stole My Catalytic Converter
December 19, 2025 at 3:45 PM
How the Grinch Stole My Catalytic Converter
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
Plane passenger: Dear god, there's something on the wing!
Me *leans across him to look out window*: Oh it's fine, that's just my emotional support gremlin. *bangs on window* Pickles! No biting the flaps! Bad Pickles!
Me *leans across him to look out window*: Oh it's fine, that's just my emotional support gremlin. *bangs on window* Pickles! No biting the flaps! Bad Pickles!
October 3, 2023 at 5:56 PM
Plane passenger: Dear god, there's something on the wing!
Me *leans across him to look out window*: Oh it's fine, that's just my emotional support gremlin. *bangs on window* Pickles! No biting the flaps! Bad Pickles!
Me *leans across him to look out window*: Oh it's fine, that's just my emotional support gremlin. *bangs on window* Pickles! No biting the flaps! Bad Pickles!
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
Hm. Not enough letters for YOURMOM.
December 20, 2025 at 4:41 PM
Hm. Not enough letters for YOURMOM.
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
Sometimes you don't realize how much you say "ooh la la" till they play your 911 call on the local news
May 13, 2023 at 4:12 AM
Sometimes you don't realize how much you say "ooh la la" till they play your 911 call on the local news
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
[blind date]
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
December 20, 2025 at 7:09 PM
[blind date]
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
My cat, an idiot: Those ornaments look exactly like my toys. Why can’t I play with them?
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
December 3, 2023 at 1:13 AM
My cat, an idiot: Those ornaments look exactly like my toys. Why can’t I play with them?
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
A Christmas elf’s candy cane stripes represent their achievements in battle. Red indicates an elf has drawn blood, while green is reserved for those with confirmed kills. More exotic colors designate elves who take a particular pleasure in dismemberment
December 14, 2025 at 7:53 PM
A Christmas elf’s candy cane stripes represent their achievements in battle. Red indicates an elf has drawn blood, while green is reserved for those with confirmed kills. More exotic colors designate elves who take a particular pleasure in dismemberment
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
The obvious and equitable solution to the "should trans women be allowed to play sports" question is that *no one* should be allowed to play sports. Hiking a football should be grounds for immediate termination with extreme prejudice regardless of gender.
November 18, 2025 at 12:19 PM
The obvious and equitable solution to the "should trans women be allowed to play sports" question is that *no one* should be allowed to play sports. Hiking a football should be grounds for immediate termination with extreme prejudice regardless of gender.
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning
November 14, 2025 at 4:06 AM
getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning