skineval.bsky.social
@skineval.bsky.social
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
(being held captive by an insane Nazi scientist measuring every part of my body for race science): you have to push into the fat pad or it's not fair
January 11, 2025 at 6:13 PM
(being held captive by an insane Nazi scientist measuring every part of my body for race science): you have to push into the fat pad or it's not fair
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
When playing chess, one of the most devastating moves your opponent can play is the dreaded check mate. This pretty much fucks you
January 2, 2025 at 9:10 PM
When playing chess, one of the most devastating moves your opponent can play is the dreaded check mate. This pretty much fucks you
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
For my New year resolution I’m going to work on being less condescending.
(Condescending means to talk down to other people)
(Condescending means to talk down to other people)
January 1, 2025 at 9:52 PM
For my New year resolution I’m going to work on being less condescending.
(Condescending means to talk down to other people)
(Condescending means to talk down to other people)
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
me: [carefully placing a baby on my boss’s desk]
my boss: and the other one
me: [pauses, then unstraps an ankle holster that cradles a smaller, but just as deadly baby]
my boss: and the other one
me: [pauses, then unstraps an ankle holster that cradles a smaller, but just as deadly baby]
I have to take an annual fire safety training for work, and I am reminded that I asked some of the folks who manage these things how they evacuate the NICU and apparently they have vests you can load up with babies
December 21, 2024 at 1:18 PM
me: [carefully placing a baby on my boss’s desk]
my boss: and the other one
me: [pauses, then unstraps an ankle holster that cradles a smaller, but just as deadly baby]
my boss: and the other one
me: [pauses, then unstraps an ankle holster that cradles a smaller, but just as deadly baby]
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
telling the Benihana chef he's made a powerful enemy today but it's drowned out by laughter as he flicks a 7th shrimp into my shirt pocket
December 11, 2024 at 5:16 PM
telling the Benihana chef he's made a powerful enemy today but it's drowned out by laughter as he flicks a 7th shrimp into my shirt pocket
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
two personalities emerge while eating popcorn:
The Dainty Picker- graceful fingers pluck at plump kernels. refined and couth. lasts for first 30% of the bag
The Hog Shoveler- grabbing big fistfuls of kernel fragments for passing quickly into the gullet. god and society have abandoned you, monster
The Dainty Picker- graceful fingers pluck at plump kernels. refined and couth. lasts for first 30% of the bag
The Hog Shoveler- grabbing big fistfuls of kernel fragments for passing quickly into the gullet. god and society have abandoned you, monster
December 10, 2024 at 3:55 PM
two personalities emerge while eating popcorn:
The Dainty Picker- graceful fingers pluck at plump kernels. refined and couth. lasts for first 30% of the bag
The Hog Shoveler- grabbing big fistfuls of kernel fragments for passing quickly into the gullet. god and society have abandoned you, monster
The Dainty Picker- graceful fingers pluck at plump kernels. refined and couth. lasts for first 30% of the bag
The Hog Shoveler- grabbing big fistfuls of kernel fragments for passing quickly into the gullet. god and society have abandoned you, monster
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
[doctor coming to brief my family in the waiting room]
He's awake and posting.
He's awake and posting.
December 6, 2024 at 1:59 PM
[doctor coming to brief my family in the waiting room]
He's awake and posting.
He's awake and posting.
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
I am a picking eater, and man, my taste bubs went off the roof.
December 2, 2024 at 5:14 PM
I am a picking eater, and man, my taste bubs went off the roof.
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
ME: (meeting the devil) I love your eggs.
November 25, 2024 at 5:14 AM
ME: (meeting the devil) I love your eggs.
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
Just learned about this wild 19th century Wilhelm Trübner painting titled “Caesar at the Rubicon”
November 22, 2024 at 1:27 AM
Just learned about this wild 19th century Wilhelm Trübner painting titled “Caesar at the Rubicon”
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
(lying) of course i would love to be proven wrong
November 19, 2024 at 4:53 PM
(lying) of course i would love to be proven wrong
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Replying “kill yourself” every time someone posts a cross stitch in the embroidery subreddit
November 16, 2024 at 11:40 PM
Replying “kill yourself” every time someone posts a cross stitch in the embroidery subreddit
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
my dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent
November 1, 2024 at 6:22 AM
my dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
my dream death: i'm 85 years old, sound asleep, behind the wheel
October 26, 2024 at 3:17 AM
my dream death: i'm 85 years old, sound asleep, behind the wheel
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if i lived in revolutionary war times i think i would have been a loyalist. i don't care what john adams says, his hillbilly friends are going to kick the shit out of me for telling them to pay their taxes. i'm moving to York
October 24, 2024 at 12:19 PM
if i lived in revolutionary war times i think i would have been a loyalist. i don't care what john adams says, his hillbilly friends are going to kick the shit out of me for telling them to pay their taxes. i'm moving to York
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
falling for the "deez nuts" joke and continuing to ask seven or eight additional clarifying questions
August 26, 2024 at 6:19 PM
falling for the "deez nuts" joke and continuing to ask seven or eight additional clarifying questions
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
John Blackthorne: (madly scrawling a picture of a Culver’s in the sand)
I eat… here— You see? Here! Yes? Not your bloody Hardee’s. Not your… dog ffucking five guys.
(Jabbing at unrecognizable drawing)
This. This is where I eat.
Shogun: Give this man an army
I eat… here— You see? Here! Yes? Not your bloody Hardee’s. Not your… dog ffucking five guys.
(Jabbing at unrecognizable drawing)
This. This is where I eat.
Shogun: Give this man an army
August 20, 2024 at 12:29 PM
John Blackthorne: (madly scrawling a picture of a Culver’s in the sand)
I eat… here— You see? Here! Yes? Not your bloody Hardee’s. Not your… dog ffucking five guys.
(Jabbing at unrecognizable drawing)
This. This is where I eat.
Shogun: Give this man an army
I eat… here— You see? Here! Yes? Not your bloody Hardee’s. Not your… dog ffucking five guys.
(Jabbing at unrecognizable drawing)
This. This is where I eat.
Shogun: Give this man an army
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
leggo my eggo is the only company slogan i can think of that starts in medias res. no time to get your bearings, you're already in a fight for this waffle
August 12, 2023 at 12:56 AM
leggo my eggo is the only company slogan i can think of that starts in medias res. no time to get your bearings, you're already in a fight for this waffle
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
the really disheartening thing about the prevalence of scams is that instead of talking about it like a public policy problem, we all act like it’s on every grandma to stay vigilant
February 16, 2024 at 5:10 AM
the really disheartening thing about the prevalence of scams is that instead of talking about it like a public policy problem, we all act like it’s on every grandma to stay vigilant
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
my man got to 16cm and was never heard from again. like icarus flying too close to the sun. 😔
February 10, 2024 at 10:56 PM
my man got to 16cm and was never heard from again. like icarus flying too close to the sun. 😔
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
if they are called Apple Vision Pro I better see some god damn Mott’s in the things am I right!
February 5, 2024 at 1:04 AM
if they are called Apple Vision Pro I better see some god damn Mott’s in the things am I right!
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
Proud to dislike cilantro not because it tastes like soap but just because it sucks
January 23, 2024 at 4:38 AM
Proud to dislike cilantro not because it tastes like soap but just because it sucks
Reposted by skineval.bsky.social
Worst catchphrase tournament of 23-24 would definitely come down to “never tell you you’re smart Neagley?” and “don’t mess with the special investigators”. And I think it’d be a draw
January 13, 2024 at 3:22 AM
Worst catchphrase tournament of 23-24 would definitely come down to “never tell you you’re smart Neagley?” and “don’t mess with the special investigators”. And I think it’d be a draw