Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

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Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 16d

WARDEN: and for your last meal?

ME: everlasting gobstopper

WARDEN: son of a

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 1d

this isn’t the right time to discuss anything ever

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byelilo @byelilo.bsky.social · 1d

Do I get satire? I don’t even have cable

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 1d

*brings updated terms and conditions to a knife fight*

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 1d

“charity begins at home” i think as i eat all the muffins i made for the bake sale

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Rogs Pumpkin 🎃 @stev.bsky.social · 1d

Going donkey mode

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Kaitlyn @kiixlyn.bsky.social · 16d

i took tylenol while i was autistic and now my son is pregnant

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gimme the spoo-K Special @gimmethekspecial.bsky.social · 3d

we go together like kink
and mental disorders

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happy new brick @bigblocks.bsky.social · 3d

yes offense, your hair looks stupid

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BooSlice👻🔪 @twosense.bsky.social · 4d

I saw you liked my comment about farting on your face. My ring size is 5.

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🕷️🕸️emcEEKayvee🕸️🕷️ @emceekayvee.bsky.social · 3d

There are so many hot guys at this hot dog eating competition

AnnaMolly will typo @anna-molly.bsky.social · 3d

There are so many hot guys in this timeshare presentation

🕷️🕸️emcEEKayvee🕸️🕷️ @emceekayvee.bsky.social · 3d

There are so many hot guys at this chili cook off

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Scare Blair @blairloudly.bsky.social · 11d

all this time we were watching out for the rhythm and its the algorithm that finally got us

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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 3d

it's called a fleshlight because jack-o-lantern was taken

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Lori @cornjerker78.bsky.social · 3d

Alright who stuck the pill in my cheese cube?

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Splendid Hobo @splendidhobo.bsky.social · 29d

Before I asked your dad for your hand in marriage he watched me finish off a pudding cup, so he said no

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Juiceticles @juiceticles.bsky.social · 2d

When large accounts repost me, I walk funny the next day

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Splendid Hobo @splendidhobo.bsky.social · Aug 28

You can just say you’re the other guy from Wham! and people will believe you

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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 2d

Journalism died a while ago and we keep propping it up "Weekend at Bernie's"-style

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 3d

I haven’t been the same since I walked in on my parents having sex.

Mom thought it was pretty amazing that I could walk while having sex, though.

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Ahhhhh @nerdjpg.com · 3d

I’m like if the lion did concern himself with everything

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Nate's Myth @natesmith.dev · 8d

technically dehydration is also a drinking problem

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happy new brick @bigblocks.bsky.social · 2d

I see all kinds of words these days. I don't like em.

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Damnit Janet @damnitjanet.bsky.social · 3d

Nicole Kidman is fooling nobody - it's obvious she's really an Adultwoman

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Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 3d

I’d join a polycule just to disrupt the power structure

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