Billhelm
@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
Platinum 🏳️🌈. 👬. 🐈dad. St-stutterer. I once had a bee stuck in my ear.
Newest: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiic6oiigjs
Tops: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiigc5sscqw
Newest: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiic6oiigjs
Tops: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiigc5sscqw
Pinned
Contrary to its name, the Emperor Penguin holds no real power.
That is reserved for the Prime Minister Penguin.
That is reserved for the Prime Minister Penguin.
Reposted by Billhelm
you COULD say it was side-splittingly funny or you could say you made grampa laugh so hard his hernia popped out again, it all depends on what spin you want to put on the scene
November 26, 2025 at 3:22 PM
you COULD say it was side-splittingly funny or you could say you made grampa laugh so hard his hernia popped out again, it all depends on what spin you want to put on the scene
Reposted by Billhelm
date: it's been two months. i just wish you would take off your mask and show me who you really are.
me, wearing head-to-toe scuba gear: i thought you wanted to take things slow.
me, wearing head-to-toe scuba gear: i thought you wanted to take things slow.
November 25, 2025 at 10:41 PM
date: it's been two months. i just wish you would take off your mask and show me who you really are.
me, wearing head-to-toe scuba gear: i thought you wanted to take things slow.
me, wearing head-to-toe scuba gear: i thought you wanted to take things slow.
Horrifying if real: side splitting laughter
November 26, 2025 at 3:17 PM
Horrifying if real: side splitting laughter
Reposted by Billhelm
updating my FaceID to recognize my RBF
November 26, 2025 at 2:50 PM
updating my FaceID to recognize my RBF
Reposted by Billhelm
*long drag on my low tar menthol cigarette*
anyways...shitposting is not a hobby it's a lifestyle
anyways...shitposting is not a hobby it's a lifestyle
November 5, 2025 at 9:01 PM
*long drag on my low tar menthol cigarette*
anyways...shitposting is not a hobby it's a lifestyle
anyways...shitposting is not a hobby it's a lifestyle
Reposted by Billhelm
using ancestry.com as my dating app so I can research potential mother-in-laws
August 26, 2025 at 9:55 PM
using ancestry.com as my dating app so I can research potential mother-in-laws
Reposted by Billhelm
app that turns on a lightbulb above your head when you think of a good skeet
July 10, 2025 at 3:40 PM
app that turns on a lightbulb above your head when you think of a good skeet
Reposted by Billhelm
cats only want what's best for you (subservience)
November 26, 2025 at 12:06 AM
cats only want what's best for you (subservience)
Reposted by Billhelm
*pronounces tomatoes like comatose*
November 26, 2025 at 12:10 AM
*pronounces tomatoes like comatose*
Reposted by Billhelm
i sorted my bookshelf by emotional damage instead of author. Normies wouldn't get it.
November 25, 2025 at 9:06 PM
i sorted my bookshelf by emotional damage instead of author. Normies wouldn't get it.
Reposted by Billhelm
an app that actively blocks every other user as soon as you sign up
November 25, 2025 at 9:04 PM
an app that actively blocks every other user as soon as you sign up
Reposted by Billhelm
[walking past a bar] lol i passed the bar ima lawyer now
November 25, 2025 at 8:54 PM
[walking past a bar] lol i passed the bar ima lawyer now
Reposted by Billhelm
take this buzzfeed quiz to find out which horseman of the apocalypse you are
November 24, 2025 at 11:28 PM
take this buzzfeed quiz to find out which horseman of the apocalypse you are
Reposted by Billhelm
My special talent is carefully going over each skeet 12 times to find all grammar mistakes and typos before hitting post…and fucking it up regardless
I’m a real prize
I’m a real prize
October 25, 2025 at 3:34 PM
My special talent is carefully going over each skeet 12 times to find all grammar mistakes and typos before hitting post…and fucking it up regardless
I’m a real prize
I’m a real prize
Reposted by Billhelm
you utter fools you absolute twats you fuckers of mothers
I love you
I love you
November 25, 2025 at 3:47 AM
you utter fools you absolute twats you fuckers of mothers
I love you
I love you
[basting the turkey]
Everything reminds me of him
Everything reminds me of him
November 25, 2025 at 2:42 PM
[basting the turkey]
Everything reminds me of him
Everything reminds me of him
Reposted by Billhelm
A bukkake but it’s just me covered in melted cheese.
November 25, 2025 at 2:11 PM
A bukkake but it’s just me covered in melted cheese.
Reposted by Billhelm
The pen may be mightier than the sword but the penguin is not mightier than the swordfish.
November 28, 2023 at 5:48 PM
The pen may be mightier than the sword but the penguin is not mightier than the swordfish.
Reposted by Billhelm
My favorite childhood toy was a plug socket. Perhaps that’s why I don’t recall much of my childhood.
November 25, 2025 at 9:07 AM
My favorite childhood toy was a plug socket. Perhaps that’s why I don’t recall much of my childhood.
Reposted by Billhelm
In a dentist chair waiting for a cleaning while “I Saw the Sign” by Ace of Base plays. This could be virtually any year of my life.
October 18, 2024 at 11:02 PM
In a dentist chair waiting for a cleaning while “I Saw the Sign” by Ace of Base plays. This could be virtually any year of my life.
Reposted by Billhelm
Him: "why are you naked?"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
November 24, 2025 at 11:54 PM
Him: "why are you naked?"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
Contrary to its name, the Emperor Penguin holds no real power.
That is reserved for the Prime Minister Penguin.
That is reserved for the Prime Minister Penguin.
November 25, 2025 at 3:11 AM
Contrary to its name, the Emperor Penguin holds no real power.
That is reserved for the Prime Minister Penguin.
That is reserved for the Prime Minister Penguin.
Reposted by Billhelm
marriage is getting woken up from a nap so your partner can ask if you’re still napping
November 24, 2025 at 11:49 PM
marriage is getting woken up from a nap so your partner can ask if you’re still napping
Reposted by Billhelm
where's waldo but its a penguin in a tuxedo store
November 24, 2025 at 11:34 PM
where's waldo but its a penguin in a tuxedo store
Reposted by Billhelm
a voodoo doll was my favourite childhood toy in case you're wondering why your barbie was so depressed
November 24, 2025 at 11:51 PM
a voodoo doll was my favourite childhood toy in case you're wondering why your barbie was so depressed