Billhelm
@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
Platinum 🏳️🌈. 👬. 🐈dad. St-stutterer. I once had a bee stuck in my ear.
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Billhelm
@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
· Dec 15
Everytime I tune into current events I google how much a lobotomy costs
Reposted by Billhelm
I’m a gay man who came out in the 1990s, I can fight systemic injustice and be horny at the same time
January 24, 2026 at 10:24 PM
I’m a gay man who came out in the 1990s, I can fight systemic injustice and be horny at the same time
Reposted by Billhelm
the existence of a slow cooker (me) implies the existence of a fast eater (me)
February 3, 2026 at 12:16 AM
the existence of a slow cooker (me) implies the existence of a fast eater (me)
Reposted by Billhelm
My boss just asked me to email him. Seriously. Have you even been watching the news? You want me to email you, like a pervert? I'll just click send like a dirty old bastard, will I? What's wrong with you?
February 2, 2026 at 11:31 PM
My boss just asked me to email him. Seriously. Have you even been watching the news? You want me to email you, like a pervert? I'll just click send like a dirty old bastard, will I? What's wrong with you?
Reposted by Billhelm
sydney sweeney is sabrina carpenter's wario
February 2, 2026 at 12:58 PM
sydney sweeney is sabrina carpenter's wario
Reposted by Billhelm
please👏do👏not👏wear👏a👏hoodie👏if👏you👏aren't👏committed👏to👏making👏the👏hoodie👏strings👏the👏same👏length👏
February 2, 2026 at 8:49 PM
please👏do👏not👏wear👏a👏hoodie👏if👏you👏aren't👏committed👏to👏making👏the👏hoodie👏strings👏the👏same👏length👏
Reposted by Billhelm
Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington, was known to be profusely flatulent, but in his case it was noble gas.
February 2, 2026 at 8:04 PM
Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington, was known to be profusely flatulent, but in his case it was noble gas.
Reposted by Billhelm
Your email has found me cold and shamed, lying naked on the floor.
February 2, 2026 at 6:53 PM
Your email has found me cold and shamed, lying naked on the floor.
Reposted by Billhelm
Costco could add billions by adding a fresh made corn dog to their cafeteria menu.
February 2, 2026 at 7:13 PM
Costco could add billions by adding a fresh made corn dog to their cafeteria menu.
Reposted by Billhelm
my grandma was so fun she could speak to owls she was my hootinnanny
February 2, 2026 at 1:28 AM
my grandma was so fun she could speak to owls she was my hootinnanny
Reposted by Billhelm
the poop in bebé’s diaper saw it’s own shadow
February 2, 2026 at 1:55 PM
the poop in bebé’s diaper saw it’s own shadow
Reposted by Billhelm
what if nothing does beat a jet2 holiday
February 2, 2026 at 3:23 PM
what if nothing does beat a jet2 holiday
Reposted by Billhelm
got kicked out of ninja class for carrying snacks
February 2, 2026 at 6:34 PM
got kicked out of ninja class for carrying snacks
Maybe if they’d been more of a yesbility instead of a nobility they would’ve kept their heads
February 2, 2026 at 5:55 PM
Maybe if they’d been more of a yesbility instead of a nobility they would’ve kept their heads
Reposted by Billhelm
Alf saw his hog's shadow so the shitposts will continue
February 2, 2026 at 5:17 PM
Alf saw his hog's shadow so the shitposts will continue
Reposted by Billhelm
brb stands for big regal butts
don't @ me
don't @ me
February 2, 2026 at 5:41 PM
brb stands for big regal butts
don't @ me
don't @ me
Reposted by Billhelm
you heathens never bother consulting the skyhog
February 2, 2026 at 4:55 PM
you heathens never bother consulting the skyhog
Reposted by Billhelm
Them: What’s bsky like?
Me: It’s like if a butthole, a pizza, someone’s pets
and depression walked into
a bar
Me: It’s like if a butthole, a pizza, someone’s pets
and depression walked into
a bar
February 1, 2026 at 9:05 PM
Them: What’s bsky like?
Me: It’s like if a butthole, a pizza, someone’s pets
and depression walked into
a bar
Me: It’s like if a butthole, a pizza, someone’s pets
and depression walked into
a bar
Reposted by Billhelm
shedding my meat suit to reveal my true form: a dumb bitch
February 1, 2026 at 7:52 PM
shedding my meat suit to reveal my true form: a dumb bitch
Nothing hits like finding out the brats in front of you boarding the plane are actually 13 rows behind you
February 1, 2026 at 7:46 PM
Nothing hits like finding out the brats in front of you boarding the plane are actually 13 rows behind you
Reposted by Billhelm
who knew that posting consistently would get me where I am today (skeeting on the toilet)
February 1, 2026 at 7:12 PM
who knew that posting consistently would get me where I am today (skeeting on the toilet)
Reposted by Billhelm
why is it called a foursome and not a fling quartet
February 1, 2026 at 5:05 PM
why is it called a foursome and not a fling quartet
Reposted by Billhelm
At my party you’ll enjoy a string quartet*
*4 packets of string cheese
*4 packets of string cheese
February 1, 2026 at 2:05 PM
At my party you’ll enjoy a string quartet*
*4 packets of string cheese
*4 packets of string cheese
Reposted by Billhelm
Me: Dude, you pooped on the floor?
Dog: Fitzy. It’s -2°F out there. I’d like to see you squatting in a foot of snow watching your turds freeze before they hit the ground.
Dog: Fitzy. It’s -2°F out there. I’d like to see you squatting in a foot of snow watching your turds freeze before they hit the ground.
January 21, 2025 at 10:23 AM
Me: Dude, you pooped on the floor?
Dog: Fitzy. It’s -2°F out there. I’d like to see you squatting in a foot of snow watching your turds freeze before they hit the ground.
Dog: Fitzy. It’s -2°F out there. I’d like to see you squatting in a foot of snow watching your turds freeze before they hit the ground.
Reposted by Billhelm
its always winter blues and never winter emo
February 1, 2026 at 2:20 PM
its always winter blues and never winter emo
Reposted by Billhelm
barbie's c-section got done by a plastic surgeon and she looks great
January 11, 2026 at 7:07 PM
barbie's c-section got done by a plastic surgeon and she looks great