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Billhelm

@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social

2.3K followers 760 following 990 posts

Platinum 🏳️‍🌈. 👬. 🐈dad. St-stutterer. I once had a bee stuck in my ear. Newest: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiic6oiigjs Tops: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiigc5sscqw

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Billhelm @kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social · Nov 25

The fact that Mother Nature made a fruit shaped like a dick is bananas

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born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · Aug 1

CAT LAWYER: [pushes defense team off the table]

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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 4d

Kiss me. I taste like embarrassment and root beer.

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 7d

I always thought that a ride share was when you had an open marriage.

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 6d

I flashed back to college during my colonoscopy because as I was regaining consciousness, I could feel someone pulling weird objects out of my ass.

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grilled cheese 🧀 @grilldcheese.bsky.social · 5d

starting a new social media platform where i will be CEO but no one is allowed to talk shit about me or hurt my little feelings. just wanna get that out in the open from the get go.

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Frovo @frovo.bsky.social · 3d

it's called a fleshlight because jack-o-lantern was taken

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GayDeceiver @gaydeceiver.bsky.social · 3d

We all dream of being in Starfleet and being an officer … but let’s face it, some of us would end up as maintenance technician, entry level.

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Scare Blair @blairloudly.bsky.social · 2d

the world is too desensitized we should be screaming our terror in harmony at this point

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🅱️oofessor Killosk 🔪👻 @professorkiosk.wtf · 2d

one shitpost to rule them all and in the shartness bind them

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grilled cheese 🧀 @grilldcheese.bsky.social · 2d

i quit pumpkin spice i'm on the patch

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phil mccrevice @jewkrainian.bsky.social · 2d

everyone gangsta until they have diarrhea in a public restroom

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мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 2d

Doing my damndest to enjoy October despite being aware of facts and information.

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 2d

*brings updated terms and conditions to a knife fight*

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Scare Blair @blairloudly.bsky.social · 2d

its fall that means layers i should visit my mom shes always good for some layers of guilt

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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 21h

You can't spell pharmaceutical without UTI.

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born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · 21h

BREAKING: RFK Jr Says Children Who Don’t Lose Their Father and Uncle Early On to Gun Violence Are More Susceptible to Autism

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Scare Blair @blairloudly.bsky.social · 20h

hanging on by a thread sounds way too cute and diy for what it feels like

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 1d

What if all this time you were actually eating breaded fish dicks?

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grilled cheese 🧀 @grilldcheese.bsky.social · 1d

the existence of Frankie Valli and Frank Ocean imply the existence of Frank Mountain and Frank Sky

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(spoo)key 👻 @kmillz.lol · 1d

today my therapist told me that i need to do a better job at letting things go.

in other news, i have an appointment with a new therapist tomorrow. so excited!

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BAJA BLAST BLAINE @shrekromancer.gay · 1d

suing my workplace for creating a hostile work environment (they buy 1-ply toilet paper)

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Xavier Horatio Xinicit 🎉 @xinicit.bsky.social · 1d

[Supervillain’s Plan]

1. Kidnap geologists
2. Sacrifice geologists to create new island next to Manhattan
3. Name island Newer Jersey

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grilled cheese 🧀 @grilldcheese.bsky.social · 1d

i thought a jersey turnpike was the most revolting alcoholic concoction in existence. then i went to chicago and tried malört.

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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 1d

The man next to me has cologne so strong that I’m dizzy with hallucinations, plus all those mushrooms I took.

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Xavier Horatio Xinicit 🎉 @xinicit.bsky.social · 1d

What if the people treating my psychosis aren’t actually there?

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