Billhelm
@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
Platinum 🏳️🌈. 👬. 🐈dad. St-stutterer. I once had a bee stuck in my ear.
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Billhelm
@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
· Dec 15
Everytime I tune into current events I google how much a lobotomy costs
Reposted by Billhelm
Life is what happens when you are busy farting
January 31, 2026 at 12:06 AM
Life is what happens when you are busy farting
Reposted by Billhelm
ngl i have been called a complete stunner by many a stranger (i have a taser in my purse)
January 31, 2026 at 12:19 AM
ngl i have been called a complete stunner by many a stranger (i have a taser in my purse)
Reposted by Billhelm
“Wow that thing is massive.”
- The TSA lady flirting with the burrito I’m flying home from Sombrero.
- The TSA lady flirting with the burrito I’m flying home from Sombrero.
January 30, 2026 at 10:43 PM
“Wow that thing is massive.”
- The TSA lady flirting with the burrito I’m flying home from Sombrero.
- The TSA lady flirting with the burrito I’m flying home from Sombrero.
Reposted by Billhelm
don’t give up hope you can sell that for a quick buck
January 30, 2026 at 9:32 PM
don’t give up hope you can sell that for a quick buck
Reposted by Billhelm
a porn site for sharks called onlyfins
January 30, 2026 at 9:35 PM
a porn site for sharks called onlyfins
Reposted by Billhelm
It is one of life's little injustices that every now and then you learn an absolute STUNNER of a fact and nobody around wants to hear you tell them about it
January 30, 2026 at 6:48 PM
It is one of life's little injustices that every now and then you learn an absolute STUNNER of a fact and nobody around wants to hear you tell them about it
Reposted by Billhelm
“Go slash someone’s brake line.”
- me as an anger management counselor
- me as an anger management counselor
January 30, 2026 at 4:05 PM
“Go slash someone’s brake line.”
- me as an anger management counselor
- me as an anger management counselor
Reposted by Billhelm
Hey, unmute me for a second. I’ve got something important to say. Just kidding, I don’t actually.
January 30, 2026 at 3:24 PM
Hey, unmute me for a second. I’ve got something important to say. Just kidding, I don’t actually.
Reposted by Billhelm
not mid, not a banger, but a secret third skeet
January 30, 2026 at 4:51 PM
not mid, not a banger, but a secret third skeet
Reposted by Billhelm
I’ve been generally on strike for most of my adult life. You’re welcome.
January 30, 2026 at 2:58 PM
I’ve been generally on strike for most of my adult life. You’re welcome.
I feel like the word “efficient” could be spelled more efficiently
January 30, 2026 at 1:27 PM
I feel like the word “efficient” could be spelled more efficiently
Reposted by Billhelm
rigatoni was named after its inventor rigoberto antonio
January 30, 2026 at 7:28 AM
rigatoni was named after its inventor rigoberto antonio
Reposted by Billhelm
donut: *exists*
me: so ... you have chosen death
me: so ... you have chosen death
January 30, 2026 at 12:33 PM
donut: *exists*
me: so ... you have chosen death
me: so ... you have chosen death
Reposted by Billhelm
Named my daughters Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme. My son is called Herb.
July 19, 2025 at 3:09 PM
Named my daughters Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme. My son is called Herb.
Reposted by Billhelm
Due to a firmware failure in my smart underwear I can no longer detect whether I've shat my pants
January 29, 2026 at 9:13 PM
Due to a firmware failure in my smart underwear I can no longer detect whether I've shat my pants
Reposted by Billhelm
Chamomile tea doesn't calm me down at all, it makes me angry because TEA SHOULD HAVE A FLAVOUR
January 4, 2026 at 10:55 PM
Chamomile tea doesn't calm me down at all, it makes me angry because TEA SHOULD HAVE A FLAVOUR
If you liquify a military ration, is that technically a camo meal tea?
January 29, 2026 at 7:23 PM
If you liquify a military ration, is that technically a camo meal tea?
Reposted by Billhelm
I’m a ten but say gigglebytes instead of gigabytes.
January 29, 2026 at 5:59 PM
I’m a ten but say gigglebytes instead of gigabytes.
Reposted by Billhelm
eyes are the window to the soul.
just installed blackout curtains on mine.
just installed blackout curtains on mine.
January 29, 2026 at 1:17 PM
eyes are the window to the soul.
just installed blackout curtains on mine.
just installed blackout curtains on mine.
Reposted by Billhelm
I’m assuming that conservatives feel that the hamburger should help itself.
January 29, 2026 at 3:00 PM
I’m assuming that conservatives feel that the hamburger should help itself.
Reposted by Billhelm
Dr: you need to start taking your health seriously
Me, opening another can of redbull to counteract the NyQuil: sorry what
Me, opening another can of redbull to counteract the NyQuil: sorry what
January 29, 2026 at 5:40 AM
Dr: you need to start taking your health seriously
Me, opening another can of redbull to counteract the NyQuil: sorry what
Me, opening another can of redbull to counteract the NyQuil: sorry what
Reposted by Billhelm
I guess now it’s just you and me against the world, pocket lint
January 29, 2026 at 9:09 AM
I guess now it’s just you and me against the world, pocket lint
Reposted by Billhelm
a show where married couples have to leave an escape room
January 29, 2026 at 2:20 PM
a show where married couples have to leave an escape room
Reposted by Billhelm
microwave? nah i got a magnumwave
January 29, 2026 at 4:22 AM
microwave? nah i got a magnumwave