🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
@ltvargus.bsky.social
Lex is my name, eating soup is my game
Also writing books: ltvargus.com/books
CRAP https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uesz4twpjyxhawilgwhdgndr/feed/aaadwblv2k7uq
CREAM OF THE CRAP https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uesz4twpjyxhawilgwhdgndr/feed/aaagbhkbm7dwg
Also writing books: ltvargus.com/books
CRAP https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uesz4twpjyxhawilgwhdgndr/feed/aaadwblv2k7uq
CREAM OF THE CRAP https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uesz4twpjyxhawilgwhdgndr/feed/aaagbhkbm7dwg
Pinned
🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
@ltvargus.bsky.social
· Dec 9
I don't want to see the news I just want to dissociate in peace
hot spicy gifs
hot spicy chili gifs with melted cheese on top
hot spicy chili gifs with melted cheese on top
February 8, 2026 at 7:24 PM
hot spicy gifs
hot spicy chili gifs with melted cheese on top
hot spicy chili gifs with melted cheese on top
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
i am going to make a movie about a girl who kills a president and all his henchmen by luring them into isolated spots seductively and then punches them in the nuts so hard they die.
she is never caught.
she is never caught.
February 4, 2025 at 12:23 AM
i am going to make a movie about a girl who kills a president and all his henchmen by luring them into isolated spots seductively and then punches them in the nuts so hard they die.
she is never caught.
she is never caught.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
the secret to good shitposting is to manage expectations don’t post bangers all the time punctuate your timeline with a series of stinkers and one gleaming wonderful skeet that makes people gasp when they see it easy peasy
February 7, 2026 at 6:45 AM
the secret to good shitposting is to manage expectations don’t post bangers all the time punctuate your timeline with a series of stinkers and one gleaming wonderful skeet that makes people gasp when they see it easy peasy
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Get in, out, up and down simultaneously loser. We are visiting the quantum realm.
June 3, 2025 at 1:40 PM
Get in, out, up and down simultaneously loser. We are visiting the quantum realm.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
I had a couple of cookies.
I recommend this to everyone.
I recommend this to everyone.
February 8, 2026 at 1:53 AM
I had a couple of cookies.
I recommend this to everyone.
I recommend this to everyone.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
if i was the jolly green giant i would pick fist fights with people just to tell them, "ya know what's great for that? frozen peas."
February 7, 2026 at 3:44 AM
if i was the jolly green giant i would pick fist fights with people just to tell them, "ya know what's great for that? frozen peas."
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
getting a pair of those curling shoes to make grocery shopping more efficient
February 8, 2026 at 4:23 PM
getting a pair of those curling shoes to make grocery shopping more efficient
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
charcuterie* for dinner!
*four slices of deli ham rolled together in a napkin
*four slices of deli ham rolled together in a napkin
February 7, 2026 at 9:33 PM
charcuterie* for dinner!
*four slices of deli ham rolled together in a napkin
*four slices of deli ham rolled together in a napkin
football? On the lord's day???????
February 8, 2026 at 6:19 PM
football? On the lord's day???????
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Cutting my own hair would be a lot easier if I could pop my head off like a Barbie doll
July 13, 2025 at 3:52 PM
Cutting my own hair would be a lot easier if I could pop my head off like a Barbie doll
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
if things continue on this trajectory I’m afraid we’ll never be able to outpizza the hut
February 7, 2026 at 3:30 AM
if things continue on this trajectory I’m afraid we’ll never be able to outpizza the hut
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
putting a rotisserie chicken on each hand and boxing people at costco
February 7, 2026 at 8:39 PM
putting a rotisserie chicken on each hand and boxing people at costco
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
I love it when people cancel plans with me so I can both bemoan my abandonment and not have to go out at the same time.
February 7, 2026 at 7:23 PM
I love it when people cancel plans with me so I can both bemoan my abandonment and not have to go out at the same time.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
getting you to eat lamb cooked on a vertical spit is just a ploy by big shawarma
February 6, 2026 at 7:11 AM
getting you to eat lamb cooked on a vertical spit is just a ploy by big shawarma
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
He’s a 10 but he’s anatomically incorrect, so really he’s a Ken
May 29, 2025 at 5:51 PM
He’s a 10 but he’s anatomically incorrect, so really he’s a Ken
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
they should make death cabs for uglies, too.
February 7, 2026 at 1:40 PM
they should make death cabs for uglies, too.
maybe she’s born with it
𝓂𝒶𝓎𝒷𝑒 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝑜𝓋𝒶𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑒
-me when someone asks about the giant stain on my shirt
𝓂𝒶𝓎𝒷𝑒 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝑜𝓋𝒶𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑒
-me when someone asks about the giant stain on my shirt
February 7, 2026 at 9:28 PM
maybe she’s born with it
𝓂𝒶𝓎𝒷𝑒 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝑜𝓋𝒶𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑒
-me when someone asks about the giant stain on my shirt
𝓂𝒶𝓎𝒷𝑒 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝑜𝓋𝒶𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑒
-me when someone asks about the giant stain on my shirt
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Buy the dip.
- me, in the grocery store
- me, in the grocery store
February 6, 2026 at 12:53 AM
Buy the dip.
- me, in the grocery store
- me, in the grocery store
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Machine Learning?? bro id settle for some Human Learning
February 6, 2026 at 4:58 PM
Machine Learning?? bro id settle for some Human Learning
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
My anaconda, don’t want none, unless, you overuse commas, hun.
January 14, 2026 at 3:32 PM
My anaconda, don’t want none, unless, you overuse commas, hun.
you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you ask me who let the dogs out
February 7, 2026 at 7:22 PM
you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you ask me who let the dogs out
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
2026 feels like Betty's potato salad at the church potluck where she insists raisins and Miracle Whip makes is better than Gertrude's who uses Duke's and adds a little horseradish.
February 7, 2026 at 5:17 PM
2026 feels like Betty's potato salad at the church potluck where she insists raisins and Miracle Whip makes is better than Gertrude's who uses Duke's and adds a little horseradish.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Just genuinely did a fart that sounded like ‘uh oh’ and if there isn’t anything more representative of the times we live in??? I mean.
February 7, 2026 at 4:44 AM
Just genuinely did a fart that sounded like ‘uh oh’ and if there isn’t anything more representative of the times we live in??? I mean.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
So was the horse headless too? I'd be way more scared of a headless horse than a headless man. Men are headless all the time, it's not that spooky.
February 7, 2026 at 4:55 PM
So was the horse headless too? I'd be way more scared of a headless horse than a headless man. Men are headless all the time, it's not that spooky.
Reposted by 🍕 L.T. Vargus 🍕
Statistically, you're much better off if you don't believe anything is butter
February 6, 2026 at 12:55 AM
Statistically, you're much better off if you don't believe anything is butter