Author | Lightnews

⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

@ltvargus.bsky.social

2.5K followers 1.2K following 870 posts

I'm Lex. I write books that are "full of gore and evil" according to one reader. http://ltvargus.com/books My stupid posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uesz4twpjyxhawilgwhdgndr/feed/aaadwblv2k7uq

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⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️ @ltvargus.bsky.social · Nov 10

My dog loves peeing through the fence into the neighbor's yard, so I tried it and he's right! It's a lot of fun.

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️ @ltvargus.bsky.social · Oct 7

found out that horny toads shoot foul-smelling blood from their eyes when threatened. i need to learn how to do that.

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · Sep 17

I approach my bowl of spaghetti from below, employing a bubble-net feeding technique I learned from the humpbacks

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

ARadSkullMug @spitandtears.bsky.social · 4d

NIMBY but talking about the leaves on my neighbors’ trees

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PAM! @pamtoo.bsky.social · Dec 12

Band names.
Do not steal my band names. I'm on drums, if you can shut up I'll let you play bass.

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠 @ironlilacc.bsky.social · 4d

Chugging holy water to defeat my evil tummy ache

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

Dude @defeasance.bsky.social · 1d

Dude just used the word “ambulate” in what sounds like the proper tense and context. Now I need to up my vocab game

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social · 2d

You can say anything on here. Ice cream cones are tasty and cone-venient

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⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️ @ltvargus.bsky.social · 4d

"I just want to say it was a beautiful flight but you and I both know you wouldn't have gotten those laughs if you weren't a pilot."

⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️ @ltvargus.bsky.social · 4d

Me when everyone on the plane is laughing at the pilot's corny jokes over the PA

Screenshot from The Detroiters where Sam Duvet is telling a pastor at a funeral, "I hope you don't think you deserved any of those laughs..."

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠 @ironlilacc.bsky.social · 5d

I'm not made of stardust I'm made of cheese dust from a variety pack of snacks

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

Pixels Puddlefen @pixelthegnome.bsky.social · 5d

inhaling enough bog mist will allow you to float like a helium balloon

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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 11d

What doesn’t kill you makes you spicier.

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Magnanimously Matt @momentarilymatt.bsky.social · 11d

Begging the local witch to go ahead and turn me into a newt already

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GirlFlower (Cake Tyrant) 2025 Edition @girlsuffer.bsky.social · 11d

where the hell is big foot even at

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 4d

*All of the monsters groaning and rolling their eyes in group because the vampire won't stfu about his Transylvania Twist.

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · Mar 13

Dr. Frankenstein: Wolfman was there. Dracula. His son. I’m telling you, the scene was rocking. Remember the monster I made? At one point he rose from the slab and started dancing- it was insane!

Dr. Frankenstein’s Mom: I’m glad you had a good time, dear

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️ @ltvargus.bsky.social · Oct 26

For Halloween I'm ladling out mashed potatoes and gravy this year. I think the kids are really gonna love it

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

Jerry Chen @jcsalterego.bsky.social · 4d

"you're telling me this ween is hallow" and other high quality posts

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

wargen @funeralpig.bsky.social · 4d

when out trick or treating tonight don't forget to throw some candy in the sewers for the rats and the sewer people

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Discö Fränkënstëin @bobjanke.bsky.social · 4d

Happy Halloween. Don't forget to feed your snakes before you go stand around in a graveyard all night

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 4d

I, too, am looking for the old woman who will speak to me of my fate upon looking at the scar where the wolf bit me

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Big Miss Steak 𓅚 🐊 @hawaiijeno.bsky.social · 4d

My Halloween costume is semi-pleasant co-worker that doesn’t hate you but no one seems to appreciate it any other day of the year either.

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️ @ltvargus.bsky.social · Oct 27

REMINDER: Get those razor blades now. There's always a shortage the day of Halloween, and poisoning apples just isn't as fun.

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️ @ltvargus.bsky.social · Oct 30

I'm so pumped for Devil's Night. Can't decide if I should watch a horror movie or burn my neighbor's shed to the ground

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Reposted by ⚰️L.T. Sarcoph-Vargus⚰️

Betsy Wetsy @betsyross.bsky.social · 6d

sorry I wouldn’t join your group chat, I am not that kind of girl
(social)

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