Joel Kelly
@joel-kelly.bsky.social
Reposted by Joel Kelly
getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning
November 14, 2025 at 4:06 AM
getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Reposted by Joel Kelly
🚫 NO DMS 🚫 NO CRYPTO 🚫 NO TELLING ME THAT SOMETHING IS "BOFA" 🚫 NO SLEIGHT OF HAND TO MAKE IT APPEAR AS THOUGH YOU HAVE PULLED A QUARTER OUT OF MY EAR 🚫 NO PRETENDING TO HAVE "GOTTEN MY NOSE" 🚫 NO ASKING ME "PETE AND RE-PEAT WERE IN A BOAT, PETE FELL OUT, WHO WAS LEFT" 🚫
October 29, 2025 at 5:26 PM
🚫 NO DMS 🚫 NO CRYPTO 🚫 NO TELLING ME THAT SOMETHING IS "BOFA" 🚫 NO SLEIGHT OF HAND TO MAKE IT APPEAR AS THOUGH YOU HAVE PULLED A QUARTER OUT OF MY EAR 🚫 NO PRETENDING TO HAVE "GOTTEN MY NOSE" 🚫 NO ASKING ME "PETE AND RE-PEAT WERE IN A BOAT, PETE FELL OUT, WHO WAS LEFT" 🚫
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Learned that an anonymous outside expert on submersibles did an interview with the OceanGate Titan investigation, and they released a transcript, with all the names redacted. The first line of his first answer? "I'm sure you're familiar with my film Titanic."
October 16, 2025 at 9:28 PM
Learned that an anonymous outside expert on submersibles did an interview with the OceanGate Titan investigation, and they released a transcript, with all the names redacted. The first line of his first answer? "I'm sure you're familiar with my film Titanic."
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Birdwatching at night sounds like a hoot
September 23, 2025 at 9:27 PM
Birdwatching at night sounds like a hoot
Reposted by Joel Kelly
With their first cheque from Rapper’s Delight, the Sugarhill Gang all clubbed together to buy a horse in Central Park. It went a clip-clop, the clippie, the clippie to the clip, clip-clop and it just didn’t stop
September 17, 2025 at 12:17 PM
With their first cheque from Rapper’s Delight, the Sugarhill Gang all clubbed together to buy a horse in Central Park. It went a clip-clop, the clippie, the clippie to the clip, clip-clop and it just didn’t stop
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Reposted by Joel Kelly
If you drill 6 holes in a hot dog you can play it like a flute. You shouldn't, though.
August 29, 2025 at 7:30 PM
If you drill 6 holes in a hot dog you can play it like a flute. You shouldn't, though.
Reposted by Joel Kelly
i put on pants just like everyone else: mad that i have to
August 25, 2025 at 2:50 PM
i put on pants just like everyone else: mad that i have to
Reposted by Joel Kelly
I'm feeling grumpy, so in an attempt to change that I am posting these old fake Antiques Roadshow pictures that make me laugh
July 18, 2025 at 12:04 AM
I'm feeling grumpy, so in an attempt to change that I am posting these old fake Antiques Roadshow pictures that make me laugh
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Not every day you meet the iconic comedian behind the world's most famous joke
July 13, 2025 at 4:57 PM
Not every day you meet the iconic comedian behind the world's most famous joke
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Inside of you there are two swifts. One is Jonathan Swift, the other is Taylor Swift. You are a new survey course attempting to save the English major.
Inside of you there are two smiths. One is Ali Smith, the other is Zadie Smith. You are a Contemporary British Literature survey course.
May 6, 2025 at 8:34 PM
Inside of you there are two swifts. One is Jonathan Swift, the other is Taylor Swift. You are a new survey course attempting to save the English major.
Reposted by Joel Kelly
humans only use 10% of their gym membership
May 5, 2025 at 12:36 AM
humans only use 10% of their gym membership
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Ikea CEO Wants New Desk On His Desk By End Of Day
April 25, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Ikea CEO Wants New Desk On His Desk By End Of Day
Reposted by Joel Kelly
ME: thanks for doing my nails
GUY BUILDING MY DECK: stop calling it that
GUY BUILDING MY DECK: stop calling it that
April 12, 2025 at 6:37 PM
ME: thanks for doing my nails
GUY BUILDING MY DECK: stop calling it that
GUY BUILDING MY DECK: stop calling it that
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Reposted by Joel Kelly
I heard there was a secret ooze
It turned four turtles into dudes
But you don't really care for pizza, do ya?
They fought like this,
Two swords, a stick
A couple sai
Some nunchuck tricks
Those Ninja boys-a callin
Cowabunga
It turned four turtles into dudes
But you don't really care for pizza, do ya?
They fought like this,
Two swords, a stick
A couple sai
Some nunchuck tricks
Those Ninja boys-a callin
Cowabunga
March 29, 2025 at 10:11 PM
I heard there was a secret ooze
It turned four turtles into dudes
But you don't really care for pizza, do ya?
They fought like this,
Two swords, a stick
A couple sai
Some nunchuck tricks
Those Ninja boys-a callin
Cowabunga
It turned four turtles into dudes
But you don't really care for pizza, do ya?
They fought like this,
Two swords, a stick
A couple sai
Some nunchuck tricks
Those Ninja boys-a callin
Cowabunga
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Every time I read The Great Gatsby, the final paragraph brings me to tears. Breathtakingly powerful writing:
March 17, 2025 at 5:39 AM
Every time I read The Great Gatsby, the final paragraph brings me to tears. Breathtakingly powerful writing:
Reposted by Joel Kelly
Reposted by Joel Kelly
i am sick of “more monkeys jumping on the bed” discourse. it’s as though these people have no memory of 2017 when one fell off and bumped his head. doctor spoke out against it, mama endorsed doctor’s findings. i’m limiting replies to followers because i do not have the energy for YMMJOTBers today
March 8, 2025 at 8:56 PM
i am sick of “more monkeys jumping on the bed” discourse. it’s as though these people have no memory of 2017 when one fell off and bumped his head. doctor spoke out against it, mama endorsed doctor’s findings. i’m limiting replies to followers because i do not have the energy for YMMJOTBers today
Anything pancakes can do, French toast can do better.
March 2, 2025 at 6:41 PM
Anything pancakes can do, French toast can do better.
Reposted by Joel Kelly
all the ghosts in the house MAKE SOME NOISE
February 16, 2025 at 5:16 AM
all the ghosts in the house MAKE SOME NOISE
Reposted by Joel Kelly
whoever decided that “righty tighty, leftie loosie” was going to be the universial standard was cooking. i’m very glad we got that sorted out that potential dilemma ages ago
February 7, 2025 at 2:34 AM
whoever decided that “righty tighty, leftie loosie” was going to be the universial standard was cooking. i’m very glad we got that sorted out that potential dilemma ages ago