Mike in Utah
@lehmann314159.bsky.social
Software guy, RPG guy, camera guy, backyard potato guy.
Reposted by Mike in Utah
Every time someone corrects my vocabulary it just makes me think fewer of them.
October 2, 2024 at 6:57 PM
Every time someone corrects my vocabulary it just makes me think fewer of them.
Reposted by Mike in Utah
Only suckers join the Lollipop Guild
January 26, 2025 at 6:37 PM
Only suckers join the Lollipop Guild
Reposted by Mike in Utah
[first date]
ME: in our 20s, our prefrontal cortex develops, blocking the bigger emotional swings from the amygdala... and potentially the capacity to feel joy.
HIM: so... you don’t like your pasta
ME: i don’t like anything, greg
ME: in our 20s, our prefrontal cortex develops, blocking the bigger emotional swings from the amygdala... and potentially the capacity to feel joy.
HIM: so... you don’t like your pasta
ME: i don’t like anything, greg
July 4, 2023 at 10:08 PM
[first date]
ME: in our 20s, our prefrontal cortex develops, blocking the bigger emotional swings from the amygdala... and potentially the capacity to feel joy.
HIM: so... you don’t like your pasta
ME: i don’t like anything, greg
ME: in our 20s, our prefrontal cortex develops, blocking the bigger emotional swings from the amygdala... and potentially the capacity to feel joy.
HIM: so... you don’t like your pasta
ME: i don’t like anything, greg
Reposted by Mike in Utah
"Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?" I asked.
She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.
She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.
July 5, 2023 at 10:44 PM
"Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?" I asked.
She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.
She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.
Reposted by Mike in Utah
The folks obsessively posting about egg prices for the past few years have gone strangely quiet just as egg prices hit an all-time high.
January 23, 2025 at 8:08 PM
The folks obsessively posting about egg prices for the past few years have gone strangely quiet just as egg prices hit an all-time high.
Reposted by Mike in Utah
Me: Explaining that I’m not suicidal, I just want to fake my death & attend the funeral in disguise so I can see who PRETENDED to love me in an attempt to steal my prized ruby, “the Sultan’s Bloodshot Eye”
Therapist: *taking suspiciously detailed notes about the ruby’s location*
Therapist: *taking suspiciously detailed notes about the ruby’s location*
January 16, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Me: Explaining that I’m not suicidal, I just want to fake my death & attend the funeral in disguise so I can see who PRETENDED to love me in an attempt to steal my prized ruby, “the Sultan’s Bloodshot Eye”
Therapist: *taking suspiciously detailed notes about the ruby’s location*
Therapist: *taking suspiciously detailed notes about the ruby’s location*
Reposted by Mike in Utah
‘Tis better to have lost the boys
Than never to have had them back in town
Than never to have had them back in town
January 5, 2025 at 3:59 AM
‘Tis better to have lost the boys
Than never to have had them back in town
Than never to have had them back in town
Reposted by Mike in Utah
Reposted by Mike in Utah
“Where do you see us in a year?” she asks.
I close my eyes. “On Wheel of Fortune’s couples week.”
“No. That’s not—“
“The category is Fairytale Feline Soldiers Before and After.”
“No! I’m trying to— PUSS IN BOOTS ON THE GROUND”
I close my eyes. “On Wheel of Fortune’s couples week.”
“No. That’s not—“
“The category is Fairytale Feline Soldiers Before and After.”
“No! I’m trying to— PUSS IN BOOTS ON THE GROUND”
December 1, 2024 at 3:21 PM
“Where do you see us in a year?” she asks.
I close my eyes. “On Wheel of Fortune’s couples week.”
“No. That’s not—“
“The category is Fairytale Feline Soldiers Before and After.”
“No! I’m trying to— PUSS IN BOOTS ON THE GROUND”
I close my eyes. “On Wheel of Fortune’s couples week.”
“No. That’s not—“
“The category is Fairytale Feline Soldiers Before and After.”
“No! I’m trying to— PUSS IN BOOTS ON THE GROUND”
Reposted by Mike in Utah
Just threw a ghost boomerang. That’s gonna come back to haunt me.
November 26, 2024 at 3:03 PM
Just threw a ghost boomerang. That’s gonna come back to haunt me.
Reposted by Mike in Utah
My anaconda don't want none because he was a rescue and is grateful to have a safe and loving home. In a way, he was the one who rescued me.
November 23, 2024 at 1:08 PM
My anaconda don't want none because he was a rescue and is grateful to have a safe and loving home. In a way, he was the one who rescued me.
Reposted by Mike in Utah
JOB INTERVIEWER: What’s your biggest weakness?
ME: I’d say my greatest strength is listening.
ME: I’d say my greatest strength is listening.
November 22, 2024 at 12:32 PM
JOB INTERVIEWER: What’s your biggest weakness?
ME: I’d say my greatest strength is listening.
ME: I’d say my greatest strength is listening.
Reposted by Mike in Utah
God moves in mysterious ways
It's so he doesn't attract sandworms
It's so he doesn't attract sandworms
November 18, 2024 at 8:32 AM
God moves in mysterious ways
It's so he doesn't attract sandworms
It's so he doesn't attract sandworms
Reposted by Mike in Utah
Me, at the ER: I’ve been shot, it hurts please help
Doctor: you’d probably be in less pain if you lost 20lbs
Doctor: you’d probably be in less pain if you lost 20lbs
May 22, 2024 at 10:48 PM
Me, at the ER: I’ve been shot, it hurts please help
Doctor: you’d probably be in less pain if you lost 20lbs
Doctor: you’d probably be in less pain if you lost 20lbs
Reposted by Mike in Utah
WIFE: why is there a chicken wearing glasses in our living room
ME: he’s my new friend
CHICKEN: *pecks at the floor and his glasses fall off*
ME: oh no where did Cluck Kent go
ME: he’s my new friend
CHICKEN: *pecks at the floor and his glasses fall off*
ME: oh no where did Cluck Kent go
May 9, 2024 at 5:03 PM
WIFE: why is there a chicken wearing glasses in our living room
ME: he’s my new friend
CHICKEN: *pecks at the floor and his glasses fall off*
ME: oh no where did Cluck Kent go
ME: he’s my new friend
CHICKEN: *pecks at the floor and his glasses fall off*
ME: oh no where did Cluck Kent go
Reposted by Mike in Utah
*me, rearranging my spice rack alphabetically* Ok, what comes after thyme?
Cyndi Lauper: thyme
Cyndi Lauper: thyme
May 3, 2024 at 2:50 PM
*me, rearranging my spice rack alphabetically* Ok, what comes after thyme?
Cyndi Lauper: thyme
Cyndi Lauper: thyme
Reposted by Mike in Utah
“I’m actually more of a 𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘥𝘰𝘨 helper, if you know what I mean.”
- Hamburger Helper, trying his luck at an LGBTQ+ bar
- Hamburger Helper, trying his luck at an LGBTQ+ bar
April 25, 2024 at 9:56 PM
“I’m actually more of a 𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘥𝘰𝘨 helper, if you know what I mean.”
- Hamburger Helper, trying his luck at an LGBTQ+ bar
- Hamburger Helper, trying his luck at an LGBTQ+ bar
Reposted by Mike in Utah
Sell me magic beans once, shame on you. Sell me magic beans twice, these beans better work this time
April 9, 2024 at 5:22 AM
Sell me magic beans once, shame on you. Sell me magic beans twice, these beans better work this time
Reposted by Mike in Utah
When the moon hits your knees
And you mispronounce trees
Sycamore
And you mispronounce trees
Sycamore
April 7, 2024 at 11:34 AM
When the moon hits your knees
And you mispronounce trees
Sycamore
And you mispronounce trees
Sycamore
Reposted by Mike in Utah
if you can’t laugh at yourself, at least let everyone else do it
April 2, 2024 at 5:57 PM
if you can’t laugh at yourself, at least let everyone else do it
Reposted by Mike in Utah
Can anyone recommend some good beginner crimes to try out if I’m just getting interested in crime
April 1, 2024 at 11:29 AM
Can anyone recommend some good beginner crimes to try out if I’m just getting interested in crime
Reposted by Mike in Utah
🎵 Movin’ to the country
Gonna cheat me a lot of Sneetches 🎵
Gonna cheat me a lot of Sneetches 🎵
March 27, 2024 at 11:43 AM
🎵 Movin’ to the country
Gonna cheat me a lot of Sneetches 🎵
Gonna cheat me a lot of Sneetches 🎵
Reposted by Mike in Utah
Am I out of practice with my flirting, The New Yorker?
March 18, 2024 at 2:24 PM
Am I out of practice with my flirting, The New Yorker?
Reposted by Mike in Utah
just got a job at boeing as the little plane goblin from that twilight zone episode
March 14, 2024 at 9:49 PM
just got a job at boeing as the little plane goblin from that twilight zone episode