@mr-lloyd-evans.bsky.social
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Me between songs at a live show:
“PLAY WHAT’S ALREADY ON THE SET LIST, I’M SURE YOU’VE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH CAREFULLY!”
“PLAY WHAT’S ALREADY ON THE SET LIST, I’M SURE YOU’VE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH CAREFULLY!”
December 28, 2025 at 4:25 AM
Me between songs at a live show:
“PLAY WHAT’S ALREADY ON THE SET LIST, I’M SURE YOU’VE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH CAREFULLY!”
“PLAY WHAT’S ALREADY ON THE SET LIST, I’M SURE YOU’VE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH CAREFULLY!”
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beavers always tell you they "need to" bite trees cause it keeps their teeth "under control" and it's like, bro listen to yourself. that's the teeth talking
December 25, 2025 at 7:09 AM
beavers always tell you they "need to" bite trees cause it keeps their teeth "under control" and it's like, bro listen to yourself. that's the teeth talking
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A good relationship is all about anticipating wants and needs. Pay attention to when they want to socialise and when they need their space. You'll also need to balance the temperature and humidity in their terrarium, and remember to hand-feed them live crickets at least once a day.
December 26, 2025 at 1:40 PM
A good relationship is all about anticipating wants and needs. Pay attention to when they want to socialise and when they need their space. You'll also need to balance the temperature and humidity in their terrarium, and remember to hand-feed them live crickets at least once a day.
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People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it. I've never had beef with one.
December 26, 2025 at 10:31 AM
People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it. I've never had beef with one.
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*Eying my uncle's new toilet jealously* yeah its nice and everything, just hope its not too much bowl for ya, is all
June 11, 2023 at 9:59 PM
*Eying my uncle's new toilet jealously* yeah its nice and everything, just hope its not too much bowl for ya, is all
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me: you boy what day is it today?
boy: nonces shout out of the window day.
me: oof you’ve absolutely done me there.
boy: nonces shout out of the window day.
me: oof you’ve absolutely done me there.
December 25, 2024 at 7:57 AM
me: you boy what day is it today?
boy: nonces shout out of the window day.
me: oof you’ve absolutely done me there.
boy: nonces shout out of the window day.
me: oof you’ve absolutely done me there.
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You there, boy! What day- (gunshot)
December 25, 2024 at 12:22 PM
You there, boy! What day- (gunshot)
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Mrs Schrödinger: [*opening Christmas present*]
Schrödinger: [*nervous glance to camera*]
Schrödinger: [*nervous glance to camera*]
December 25, 2025 at 9:53 AM
Mrs Schrödinger: [*opening Christmas present*]
Schrödinger: [*nervous glance to camera*]
Schrödinger: [*nervous glance to camera*]
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boss: you know what’s weird
me: how the flintstones celebrate christmas even tho they live in 10,000 b.c?
boss: how the flin— yes exactly
me: how the flintstones celebrate christmas even tho they live in 10,000 b.c?
boss: how the flin— yes exactly
December 24, 2024 at 3:50 PM
boss: you know what’s weird
me: how the flintstones celebrate christmas even tho they live in 10,000 b.c?
boss: how the flin— yes exactly
me: how the flintstones celebrate christmas even tho they live in 10,000 b.c?
boss: how the flin— yes exactly
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[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
July 3, 2023 at 4:13 PM
[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
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from the "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" article
December 24, 2025 at 1:17 PM
from the "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" article
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Just set my email autoreply to the word DON'T in 72pt bold caps
December 24, 2025 at 12:41 PM
Just set my email autoreply to the word DON'T in 72pt bold caps
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you: *moaning and writhing in pain*
me: [a musician] *quietly trying to find the harmony*
me: [a musician] *quietly trying to find the harmony*
December 24, 2025 at 5:33 AM
you: *moaning and writhing in pain*
me: [a musician] *quietly trying to find the harmony*
me: [a musician] *quietly trying to find the harmony*
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me: i heard you do a terrible owl impression
him: where
me: holy shit that is bad
him: where
me: holy shit that is bad
September 4, 2023 at 5:09 PM
me: i heard you do a terrible owl impression
him: where
me: holy shit that is bad
him: where
me: holy shit that is bad
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[first day as a shepherd]
boss: where are you going?
me: [pointing] star
boss: what? why
me: [shrugging] baby
boss: where are you going?
me: [pointing] star
boss: what? why
me: [shrugging] baby
December 23, 2025 at 1:24 AM
[first day as a shepherd]
boss: where are you going?
me: [pointing] star
boss: what? why
me: [shrugging] baby
boss: where are you going?
me: [pointing] star
boss: what? why
me: [shrugging] baby
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Spooner's career as a continuity announcer was short-lived
December 22, 2025 at 8:08 AM
Spooner's career as a continuity announcer was short-lived
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INVENTOR OF THE WASHING MACHINE: it’s a machine that washes
INVENTOR OF THE DISHWASHER: washes what
INVENTOR OF THE DISHWASHER: washes what
December 20, 2025 at 4:27 PM
INVENTOR OF THE WASHING MACHINE: it’s a machine that washes
INVENTOR OF THE DISHWASHER: washes what
INVENTOR OF THE DISHWASHER: washes what
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I also want to say thank you to the person who introduced me to the French word 'beaucoup' this year. It means a lot.
December 19, 2025 at 1:32 PM
I also want to say thank you to the person who introduced me to the French word 'beaucoup' this year. It means a lot.
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You so expect certain standards buying from Fortnum & Mason and their title dropdown does *not* disappoint
December 18, 2025 at 5:01 PM
You so expect certain standards buying from Fortnum & Mason and their title dropdown does *not* disappoint
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I was fired from my last job for having sexual relations in the workplace. Nowadays people are so strict at the morgue
December 18, 2025 at 9:22 AM
I was fired from my last job for having sexual relations in the workplace. Nowadays people are so strict at the morgue
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[Fruit of the Loom board meeting]
CEO: i know you’re all busy so i’ll keep this briefs brief brief
CEO: i know you’re all busy so i’ll keep this briefs brief brief
December 15, 2025 at 7:23 PM
[Fruit of the Loom board meeting]
CEO: i know you’re all busy so i’ll keep this briefs brief brief
CEO: i know you’re all busy so i’ll keep this briefs brief brief
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Don't buy anything from a blacksmith!
Everything they have is forged!
Everything they have is forged!
December 16, 2025 at 4:31 PM
Don't buy anything from a blacksmith!
Everything they have is forged!
Everything they have is forged!
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dystopian fiction really underestimated the sheer number of dipshits
December 15, 2025 at 9:40 PM
dystopian fiction really underestimated the sheer number of dipshits