Burke Means To Smother
@timwburke.bsky.social
Burke (v): To smother to sell the corpse.
"Fazgood & the Obstreperous Moosecrab Caper" LGBTQ friendly fantasy humor novel
"Saints of Flesh" & "The Flesh Sutra" Goth Body Horror
Amazon/KU
Newsletter: https://subscribepage.io/AQbMm0
www.Timwburke.com
"Fazgood & the Obstreperous Moosecrab Caper" LGBTQ friendly fantasy humor novel
"Saints of Flesh" & "The Flesh Sutra" Goth Body Horror
Amazon/KU
Newsletter: https://subscribepage.io/AQbMm0
www.Timwburke.com
Pinned
Fazgood and the Obstreperous Moosecrab Caper: The Mad Earl Chronicles
A free-standing novel without a cliffhanger.Follow the escapades of The Mad Earl Fazgood in this rollicking tale based on the should-be-true adventures of a delightfully bizarre nobleman run rampant.A...
booksprout.co
I poured *FORTY-FIVE YEARS* into this book. Jokes. Imagination. Odd characters. Outlandish Plots. Then pro spec-fic writers helped turn it into magic.
This is my life's work.
Click and read it for FREE.
#fantasynovels #fantasy #booksky #scifi&fantasy #codexwriters
booksprout.co/reviewer/rev...
This is my life's work.
Click and read it for FREE.
#fantasynovels #fantasy #booksky #scifi&fantasy #codexwriters
booksprout.co/reviewer/rev...
Reposted by Burke Means To Smother
Hiring Manager: What is your weakest quality?
Me: I take double damage from lightning, and I get stunned for two turns by ice spells.
Manager: Shit, same. And Claritan does jack.
Me: It does jack!
Me: I take double damage from lightning, and I get stunned for two turns by ice spells.
Manager: Shit, same. And Claritan does jack.
Me: It does jack!
November 24, 2025 at 5:18 PM
Hiring Manager: What is your weakest quality?
Me: I take double damage from lightning, and I get stunned for two turns by ice spells.
Manager: Shit, same. And Claritan does jack.
Me: It does jack!
Me: I take double damage from lightning, and I get stunned for two turns by ice spells.
Manager: Shit, same. And Claritan does jack.
Me: It does jack!
Reposted by Burke Means To Smother
FYI: With Frank Darabont's THE MIST celebrating an anniversary this week, we're here to ruin your day with 15 more bleak as hell horror movies.
15 Bleak As Hell Horror Movies That Will Ruin Your Day
With Frank Darabont's THE MIST celebrating an anniversary this week, we're here to ruin your day with 15 more bleak as hell horror movies.
dlvr.it
November 23, 2025 at 10:18 PM
FYI: With Frank Darabont's THE MIST celebrating an anniversary this week, we're here to ruin your day with 15 more bleak as hell horror movies.
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Genie: "dude come on! Dont you want peace on earth? Money? Fame? Come on this is ridicu-"
Me*slapping down my second finished bag of shredded cheese* "You know what I want, bottle boy"
Me*slapping down my second finished bag of shredded cheese* "You know what I want, bottle boy"
November 23, 2025 at 9:41 PM
Genie: "dude come on! Dont you want peace on earth? Money? Fame? Come on this is ridicu-"
Me*slapping down my second finished bag of shredded cheese* "You know what I want, bottle boy"
Me*slapping down my second finished bag of shredded cheese* "You know what I want, bottle boy"
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November 22, 2025 at 4:17 PM
Reposted by Burke Means To Smother
Having down time and rest should be more of a badge of honour than being busy.
November 13, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Having down time and rest should be more of a badge of honour than being busy.
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This one-question poll will tell what experiences to share with you. Could you take a moment? I appreciate it. An Old Guy Works In Retail and Self-Publishes Fantasy and Horror open.substack.com/pub/timwb/p/...
An Old Guy Works In Retail and Self-Publishes Fantasy and Horror
What Should I Talk About The Most? Take This Poll.
open.substack.com
October 30, 2025 at 9:45 PM
This one-question poll will tell what experiences to share with you. Could you take a moment? I appreciate it. An Old Guy Works In Retail and Self-Publishes Fantasy and Horror open.substack.com/pub/timwb/p/...
You're at Negativeland.
I need you at The Residents
I need you at The Residents
You're at Lily Munster.
I need you at Morticia Addams.
I need you at Morticia Addams.
November 21, 2025 at 12:55 AM
You're at Negativeland.
I need you at The Residents
I need you at The Residents
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I think this is one reason why a lot of people only share the good news and shiny stuff on social media -- because any reference to a tough time is an opportunity for a stranger to say something that makes you feel a lot worse about yourself.
November 20, 2025 at 7:47 PM
I think this is one reason why a lot of people only share the good news and shiny stuff on social media -- because any reference to a tough time is an opportunity for a stranger to say something that makes you feel a lot worse about yourself.
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Actually left the house this morning.
Results were mixed.
Results were mixed.
November 20, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Actually left the house this morning.
Results were mixed.
Results were mixed.
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For the McGriddle alone.
McFlurry.
Pizza Hut’s stuffed crust.
McDonald’s Dollar Menu.
Smashburger.
Meat Lover’s pizza.
McGriddle.
All of these came from one man… Tom Ryan… and we have no national days for him… no monuments… no songs.
We can do better 🫡
Pizza Hut’s stuffed crust.
McDonald’s Dollar Menu.
Smashburger.
Meat Lover’s pizza.
McGriddle.
All of these came from one man… Tom Ryan… and we have no national days for him… no monuments… no songs.
We can do better 🫡
November 20, 2025 at 4:01 PM
For the McGriddle alone.
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Reposted by Burke Means To Smother
"We have put the bread behind a lock case in a CVS and siloed the circus to Circus+ premium subscription service. I see this in no way backfiring."
November 19, 2025 at 11:00 PM
"We have put the bread behind a lock case in a CVS and siloed the circus to Circus+ premium subscription service. I see this in no way backfiring."
Reposted by Burke Means To Smother
Don't do any of this.
November 17, 2025 at 6:54 PM
Don't do any of this.
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[powerful black mold crawls out from bathroom stall, posts on social media]: I also lived with Olivia Nuzzi for 4 years
November 18, 2025 at 2:44 PM
[powerful black mold crawls out from bathroom stall, posts on social media]: I also lived with Olivia Nuzzi for 4 years
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[Werner Herzog voice] Mr. Potato Head is a monstrosity. More than a vegetable, yet less than human. With two feet, but no legs. His body parts interchangeable pieces. A grotesque plastic nightmare unworthy of love.
November 18, 2025 at 5:05 AM
[Werner Herzog voice] Mr. Potato Head is a monstrosity. More than a vegetable, yet less than human. With two feet, but no legs. His body parts interchangeable pieces. A grotesque plastic nightmare unworthy of love.
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Me walking up to three people in a polycule: which one of you is the mad scientist, and which one of you is the disembodied brain alien, and which one of you is the talking ape
November 17, 2025 at 3:28 PM
Me walking up to three people in a polycule: which one of you is the mad scientist, and which one of you is the disembodied brain alien, and which one of you is the talking ape
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Richard Widmark and Mike Mazurki in a scene from “Night and the City” (1950). Directed by Jules Dassin.
November 16, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Richard Widmark and Mike Mazurki in a scene from “Night and the City” (1950). Directed by Jules Dassin.
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"Dasha got dropped by Gersh," I say to the elerly woman sitting next to me on the bus. "Can you believe that?" She empties an entire can of mace directly into my face instantly.
November 15, 2025 at 10:54 PM
"Dasha got dropped by Gersh," I say to the elerly woman sitting next to me on the bus. "Can you believe that?" She empties an entire can of mace directly into my face instantly.
Reposted by Burke Means To Smother
When you stop paying the subscription fee they don't cancel it but they put your dead loved one in hell and you get unskippable video of them burning and begging for you to save them every single hour of the day.
November 14, 2025 at 4:37 PM
When you stop paying the subscription fee they don't cancel it but they put your dead loved one in hell and you get unskippable video of them burning and begging for you to save them every single hour of the day.
Reposted by Burke Means To Smother
THREAD. In her exclusive interview in today's Daily Telegraph Magazine, the actor, influencer and designer Philippa Islington-Smythe (pictured) discusses the price of fame, her controversial new perfume, working with Margot Robbie and how becoming a parent changed her perspective on the world...
November 14, 2025 at 12:51 PM
THREAD. In her exclusive interview in today's Daily Telegraph Magazine, the actor, influencer and designer Philippa Islington-Smythe (pictured) discusses the price of fame, her controversial new perfume, working with Margot Robbie and how becoming a parent changed her perspective on the world...
Reposted by Burke Means To Smother
"I don't like to toot my own horn" haha SIKE toot toot honk honk motherfuckers
November 14, 2025 at 4:56 PM
"I don't like to toot my own horn" haha SIKE toot toot honk honk motherfuckers
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This raises questions.
Trump Denies Writing 36-Volume Comic Titled ‘Don And Jeff: Time Pedophiles https://theonion.com/trump-denies-writing-36-volume-comic-titled-don-and-jeff-time-pedophiles/
November 13, 2025 at 6:08 PM
This raises questions.
Goon a movie:
Let's Scare Jessica To Goon
Let's Scare Jessica To Goon
Goon a movie:
The Goon, the Bad and the Ugly
The Goon, the Bad and the Ugly
Goon a movie:
Goon in Under 60 Seconds
Goon in Under 60 Seconds
November 13, 2025 at 3:03 AM
Goon a movie:
Let's Scare Jessica To Goon
Let's Scare Jessica To Goon
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Lawrence Summers is a scumbag who should be shunned wherever he shows his face.
November 12, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Lawrence Summers is a scumbag who should be shunned wherever he shows his face.