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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

@sofarrsogud.bsky.social

23K followers 600 following 3.7K posts

Some of my posts are crafted like a sculpture from a block of wood. Others are pumped out like farts. 🇮🇪 Some nonsense https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:hd45ud24roeoli4qe7ot24e3/feed/aaaf7lua7l5cm

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · Jun 23

DATE: So what do you do?

ME: I race cars.

HER: That’s so cool. Have you won many races?

ME: No, the cars are much faster.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 18h

😬😂

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 20h

a man with a mustache is sitting in a red car looking out the window .

ALT: a man with a mustache is sitting in a red car looking out the window .

media.tenor.com

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 20h

ME: Is there another name for the large seaweed that grows to form underwater forests?

GIRLFRIEND: Sea kelp

ME: Omg that's why I'm asking YOU Sharon

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

captcha @dopeshow.bsky.social · 20h

Lady Gaga implies he existence of Gentlemen Gugu, I'm not deleting this.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Icarus 👻 Dumpsterfire @pluperfectidiot.bsky.social · 23h

Shopping cart drag races. In the library stacks. At 2am. Covered in glow in the dark paint. Think about it and let me know if you're in.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Paranormal Warren G. Harding Activity @popeawesomexiii.bsky.social · 11d

Throwback to when we could defeat evil by throwing a piece of jewelry into a live volcano

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Granite Man @granitedhuine.bsky.social · 2d

I’m not antisocial, I’m selectively social and the selection process is now closed.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 2d

if someone stole my identity i’d be all like "haha, sucker"

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 3d

Rhythm is gonna get you, but so is chlamydia.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Matty @bestestname.bsky.social · 4d

Everyone hugs at the airport but apparently you have to know the person before you do it

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 1d

*writing my dating ad*
As-is. Needs TLC. Tons of potential for investors

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 1d

upon my death i request to be placed in a clawfoot tub filled with marshmallows and suspended over a fire so people can make s’mores out of me

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

lalalyds @lalalyds.bsky.social · 3d

Moshing to the aol dial-up sound

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Frances "Are You Scared Yet" Meh @francesmeh.reviews · 1d

i would never use a reminders app. i have enough apps reminding me about things. i want an app that makes me forget.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

bloody bacon popsicle 💤 @gupton68.bsky.social · 1d

I just managed to fall asleep standing up so don’t tell me men don’t know how to multitask.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 1d

The subtitles of my sextape would just say "squelching" and then, "I'm sorry," after 30 seconds.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 1d

Who needs sex when you have cool ranch doritos?

Therapist: *scribbling furiously*

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

WitchyBlob @blobstar.bsky.social · 2d

I gave your dad a pack of cigarettes. He'll be home soon.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 21h

I know!

a man in a blue tank top holds a trophy that says " winner " on it

ALT: a man in a blue tank top holds a trophy that says " winner " on it

media.tenor.com

Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

🏴‍☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴‍☠️ @jollyrobber.bsky.social · 24d

Her: You know you can go IN the store and look.

Me: I know, but then they'll want to sell to me, & I don't handle rejecting people well.

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🏴‍☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴‍☠️ @jollyrobber.bsky.social · 1d

I would sell my soul to the devil himself if I never had to see or hear another lying ass political ad again

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

🏴‍☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴‍☠️ @jollyrobber.bsky.social · 21h

My cat: turns her nose up and walks away when food is dropped on the floor.

Also my cat: will do some mission Impossible type stunt to get at the same food on the kitchen table.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 21h

Thanks very much @jollyrobber.bsky.social for the pick.

And to @shitpostsintiaras.bsky.social for your service.

Shitposts In Tiaras @shitpostsintiaras.bsky.social · 1d

What he really stole was your heart and his origin story 🏆👑 Congratulations @sofarrsogud.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴‍☠️

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · Apr 16

One time I saw a bald guy shoplifting so I called him 'Lex Looter' lol and then he stopped, gave me a high five and stole my wallet.

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 1d

sometimes i think i'm doing ok then i start driving with the handbrake still up

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Reposted by FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

headless horseDan @etbeeegood.bsky.social · 1d

Me and bone broth are so tight these days I just call it b broth

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