My neighborhood is *the* place to trick or treat around these parts so I’m stockpiling candy but I’ve nearly finished all the Peanut M&M’s already. Fuck them kids. Have a Snickers you big baby.

Me: Is there something I could do differently to improve my sleep?

Doctor: I recommend not looking at your phone for at least an hour before bed.

Me: So nothing then.

Hear me out, black icing

I’d quit drinking alcohol but the problem is I like the way it makes me feel

Nothing.
Just persuading myself not to rickroll the "unsolicited _ick pic" thread.

Oh, and looky there, it’s the neighbor with the OnlyFans

Living in a small town is weird b/c you step into a bar and get a hug from a former student who asks if you can make it to his letter ceremony at halftime tomorrow, and oh do you want to play go fish with your athletic trainer, and cool there’s your old neighbor with a tequila shot ready for you.

Nothing screams fatass like being the only person to show up for snacks before a seminar

Higher Ed in 2025 is opening your mailbox to see that your institution has sent you:

1. A Center for Teaching and Learning call to integrate AI into your classroom; and

2. An Office of Academic Integrity email encouraging you to crack down on students who use AI to cheat.

This is why I think the next Democratic president needs to use the EXACT tools that SCOTUS has handed Trump. Don't leave room for any distinctions.

Impound funds for deportation. Give ICE the USAID treatment. Refuse to collect government-backed debt. Purge MAGA loyalists from the executive branch.

Whenever anyone says how much of the U.S. economy is tied to AI right now, I'm like...damn, what if a single rich person had any idea other than "try to zero out labor costs through theft."

The Portland protest frog has done more to protect American democracy and fight fascism than all but the tiniest handful of elected officials

Zinnie doesn't understand why this cat won't be her friend. Who's going to tell her

When you mock me, this is who you’re making fun of

Not to brag but the rhythm can’t get me I grew up in Utah

Ok but what if it’s like every skeet in a row?

It’s a don the velvet pants and sip on an old fashioned kind of afternoon

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be one of Trump's ass clowns

Battle lines being drawn between those who realise AI will take their jobs, and those who realise an AI implosion will take their 401k.

I think they’re going to have a battle

Every year I forget about Albuquerque’s hot air balloon festival and swear I’ll go see it the following year, then don’t. This year I remembered the week before and still didn’t get to see it. I’m so full of hot air I could wreak havoc though.

I love that happiness is so elusive, but you can find disappointment absolutely anywhere.

Stopped at a very remote gas station and the clerk sold me a mogwai

Alas, poor Barbara. I know the feeling well