Pinned
russell
@russbhere.bsky.social
· Nov 18
me: i know you are but what am i
police officer, now under arrest: shit
police officer, now under arrest: shit
when it comes to body count cousins only count as half
February 15, 2026 at 3:42 AM
when it comes to body count cousins only count as half
Reposted by russell
It's Friday the 13th, but I'm not worried about bad luck; I've been microdosing black cats all week.
February 13, 2026 at 3:31 PM
It's Friday the 13th, but I'm not worried about bad luck; I've been microdosing black cats all week.
Reposted by russell
Sometimes I feel as if we’re all Schrodinger's cat.
May 26, 2025 at 12:07 AM
Sometimes I feel as if we’re all Schrodinger's cat.
ever feel like you’re an npc desperately trying to be a player character? no? oh haha yeah me neither
February 14, 2026 at 2:37 AM
ever feel like you’re an npc desperately trying to be a player character? no? oh haha yeah me neither
Reposted by russell
She's a 10/10 but excel thinks she's October 10th
February 9, 2026 at 10:30 AM
She's a 10/10 but excel thinks she's October 10th
Reposted by russell
Sometimes people come into your life, and that’s got to stop.
February 11, 2026 at 7:17 PM
Sometimes people come into your life, and that’s got to stop.
Reposted by russell
A Juliet is a small Julie.
February 11, 2026 at 7:32 PM
A Juliet is a small Julie.
Reposted by russell
hello darkness my old frenemy
October 26, 2025 at 5:46 PM
hello darkness my old frenemy
Reposted by russell
you never hear about someone getting combobulated
January 20, 2026 at 4:48 PM
you never hear about someone getting combobulated
Reposted by russell
blood clots are just boba for vampires.
January 28, 2026 at 10:57 PM
blood clots are just boba for vampires.
Reposted by russell
brutal takedown, never saw it coming
me: i know you are but what am i
police officer, now under arrest: shit
police officer, now under arrest: shit
January 28, 2026 at 9:58 PM
brutal takedown, never saw it coming
Reposted by russell
like nails on a chalkboard these are the days of our lives
January 28, 2026 at 6:33 PM
like nails on a chalkboard these are the days of our lives
a protective outer shell that loves to hug and kiss is an X-O-skeleton
January 28, 2026 at 8:42 PM
a protective outer shell that loves to hug and kiss is an X-O-skeleton
Reposted by russell
This second piece of cake tastes like I'm not worthy of real love
January 21, 2026 at 9:59 PM
This second piece of cake tastes like I'm not worthy of real love
Reposted by russell
I often let my hair down, as its expectations of me are too unreasonable
January 20, 2026 at 9:19 AM
I often let my hair down, as its expectations of me are too unreasonable
Reposted by russell
guys i'm driving a bus and everyone is mad at me cuz im driving 120 mph to wherever i feel like
January 20, 2026 at 5:52 AM
guys i'm driving a bus and everyone is mad at me cuz im driving 120 mph to wherever i feel like
my exact form hovering over the toilet in the winter
January 20, 2026 at 11:25 AM
my exact form hovering over the toilet in the winter
Reposted by russell
sure Hulk smash, but does he cuddle afterwards
January 13, 2026 at 7:50 PM
sure Hulk smash, but does he cuddle afterwards
Reposted by russell
I may not be beautiful on the outside but inside I look like pulsating lasagna
January 12, 2026 at 5:06 PM
I may not be beautiful on the outside but inside I look like pulsating lasagna
few things PMO more than when an extrovert claims to be an introvert
January 12, 2026 at 3:11 PM
few things PMO more than when an extrovert claims to be an introvert
Reposted by russell
potholes? you mean road turbulence? ?
January 11, 2026 at 4:45 PM
potholes? you mean road turbulence? ?
Reposted by russell
want to feel old? christmas was two fucking weeks ago
January 10, 2026 at 4:51 AM
want to feel old? christmas was two fucking weeks ago
Reposted by russell
“Damn it, that sounded way funnier in my head.” - me and every tweet I’ve ever written.
November 12, 2024 at 2:42 PM
“Damn it, that sounded way funnier in my head.” - me and every tweet I’ve ever written.
Reposted by russell
Sesame Street never prepared me for any of this
January 8, 2026 at 11:45 AM
Sesame Street never prepared me for any of this
Reposted by russell
Sorry I got confused and yelled “Red rover, red rover!” when your family joined hands to pray before dinner.
January 7, 2026 at 11:34 PM
Sorry I got confused and yelled “Red rover, red rover!” when your family joined hands to pray before dinner.