Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Could France or some other country just start blowing up billionaires' yachts because they almost assuredly have drugs on them?
October 28, 2025 at 2:43 PM
Could France or some other country just start blowing up billionaires' yachts because they almost assuredly have drugs on them?
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Whenever a thin friend says they’re so fat I agree with them and then look for a new friend
June 7, 2025 at 11:28 AM
Whenever a thin friend says they’re so fat I agree with them and then look for a new friend
Time to get up, guys - it’s fuck this shit o’clock.
June 7, 2025 at 12:24 PM
Time to get up, guys - it’s fuck this shit o’clock.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
What we need are more ugly electric cars made by wankers.
April 19, 2025 at 4:35 PM
What we need are more ugly electric cars made by wankers.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Forgive yourself. Then eat three bananas. Regret is useless. Potassium isn't.
April 19, 2025 at 11:09 AM
Forgive yourself. Then eat three bananas. Regret is useless. Potassium isn't.
Democracy, but without billionaires and idiots.
April 19, 2025 at 10:09 AM
Democracy, but without billionaires and idiots.
Wife: “What are you thinking?”
Me: (the words ‘fuck this shit’ on a constant loop in my head) “Just thinking we should go out and enjoy this lovely weather”
Me: (the words ‘fuck this shit’ on a constant loop in my head) “Just thinking we should go out and enjoy this lovely weather”
April 19, 2025 at 10:02 AM
Wife: “What are you thinking?”
Me: (the words ‘fuck this shit’ on a constant loop in my head) “Just thinking we should go out and enjoy this lovely weather”
Me: (the words ‘fuck this shit’ on a constant loop in my head) “Just thinking we should go out and enjoy this lovely weather”
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
going to go be absorbed by the earth, anybody need anything?
April 19, 2025 at 5:48 AM
going to go be absorbed by the earth, anybody need anything?
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Don’t forget to leave room for Jesus in your orgy this holy weekend.
April 18, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Don’t forget to leave room for Jesus in your orgy this holy weekend.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
"Trans people have always existed"
That's simply not possible because people haven't always existed. There was a time before people, and so therefore, there was a time before trans people.
And in that time, there were trans dinosaurs.
That's simply not possible because people haven't always existed. There was a time before people, and so therefore, there was a time before trans people.
And in that time, there were trans dinosaurs.
April 19, 2025 at 12:41 AM
"Trans people have always existed"
That's simply not possible because people haven't always existed. There was a time before people, and so therefore, there was a time before trans people.
And in that time, there were trans dinosaurs.
That's simply not possible because people haven't always existed. There was a time before people, and so therefore, there was a time before trans people.
And in that time, there were trans dinosaurs.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
You can’t have your cake and eat it too (I ate your cake)
March 26, 2025 at 8:56 PM
You can’t have your cake and eat it too (I ate your cake)
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Fall in love? No thanks, I’d rather fall to my death
March 26, 2025 at 11:57 PM
Fall in love? No thanks, I’d rather fall to my death
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Hey. America. Are there only standing tickets left for this shit show?
March 27, 2025 at 6:34 AM
Hey. America. Are there only standing tickets left for this shit show?
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Nah the printer trying to get me a call from HR
February 5, 2025 at 4:07 AM
Nah the printer trying to get me a call from HR
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
The US government is a guy feeding ducks, leaning on a do not feed the ducks sign, complaining about how fat the ducks are.
February 6, 2025 at 5:53 AM
The US government is a guy feeding ducks, leaning on a do not feed the ducks sign, complaining about how fat the ducks are.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
"And what should we call this letter?"
-what if we just call it a double V?
"Jesus Phil, think outside the box"
-double U?
"First of all, wow!"
-what if we just call it a double V?
"Jesus Phil, think outside the box"
-double U?
"First of all, wow!"
February 6, 2025 at 3:12 AM
"And what should we call this letter?"
-what if we just call it a double V?
"Jesus Phil, think outside the box"
-double U?
"First of all, wow!"
-what if we just call it a double V?
"Jesus Phil, think outside the box"
-double U?
"First of all, wow!"
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Sharks would be a lot scarier if their fins had hands.
February 5, 2025 at 12:06 PM
Sharks would be a lot scarier if their fins had hands.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Almost made myself a big bowl of oatmeal for a 3rd time this week but I was fearful of becoming too powerful
February 5, 2025 at 2:28 PM
Almost made myself a big bowl of oatmeal for a 3rd time this week but I was fearful of becoming too powerful
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
I'm never at my best this early in the apocalypse.
February 5, 2025 at 4:01 PM
I'm never at my best this early in the apocalypse.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
everybody talks about wanting to be a vampire so you could live forever but I'd do it just to wake up completely re-groomed every morning with zero effort
February 5, 2025 at 7:38 PM
everybody talks about wanting to be a vampire so you could live forever but I'd do it just to wake up completely re-groomed every morning with zero effort
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
Is "No Fun February" a thing? Cuz I feel like an unwilling participant.
February 5, 2025 at 4:14 PM
Is "No Fun February" a thing? Cuz I feel like an unwilling participant.
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
THEM: I can't stand it.
ME: [under my breath] I know you planned it
THEM: What?
ME: Nothing. [under my breath] Imma set it straight this Watergate
THEM: What?
ME: What?
ME: [under my breath] I know you planned it
THEM: What?
ME: Nothing. [under my breath] Imma set it straight this Watergate
THEM: What?
ME: What?
January 23, 2025 at 12:34 AM
THEM: I can't stand it.
ME: [under my breath] I know you planned it
THEM: What?
ME: Nothing. [under my breath] Imma set it straight this Watergate
THEM: What?
ME: What?
ME: [under my breath] I know you planned it
THEM: What?
ME: Nothing. [under my breath] Imma set it straight this Watergate
THEM: What?
ME: What?
Reposted by BloatedBeluga
The closest thing I get to sexting is exchanging food recipes.
January 23, 2025 at 11:13 AM
The closest thing I get to sexting is exchanging food recipes.