Sam
@samuelhlowe.bsky.social
Pinned
Sam
@samuelhlowe.bsky.social
· Jan 19
Therapist: Set short-term goals.
Me: Start seeing a real therapist and stop these sessions with my imaginary therapist.
Me: Start seeing a real therapist and stop these sessions with my imaginary therapist.
Reposted by Sam
You’re laughing? I slipped on a banana peel, stumbled down a flight of stairs into a kitchen where the chef hit me in the face with a frying pan, then careened out into the street where a piano was dropped onto me and you’re LAUGHING?
November 18, 2025 at 1:55 PM
You’re laughing? I slipped on a banana peel, stumbled down a flight of stairs into a kitchen where the chef hit me in the face with a frying pan, then careened out into the street where a piano was dropped onto me and you’re LAUGHING?
Reposted by Sam
Wife: [whispering in my ear] what's your fantasy, baby
Me: [whispering back] lady cyclops with big titties, we fuck in a pool full of cornbread
Wife: It’s really my fault for asking
Me: [whispering back] lady cyclops with big titties, we fuck in a pool full of cornbread
Wife: It’s really my fault for asking
December 9, 2024 at 12:50 AM
Wife: [whispering in my ear] what's your fantasy, baby
Me: [whispering back] lady cyclops with big titties, we fuck in a pool full of cornbread
Wife: It’s really my fault for asking
Me: [whispering back] lady cyclops with big titties, we fuck in a pool full of cornbread
Wife: It’s really my fault for asking
Reposted by Sam
I’m eating potato chips for breakfast like my parents are away for the weekend.
November 22, 2025 at 3:39 PM
I’m eating potato chips for breakfast like my parents are away for the weekend.
Reposted by Sam
It's that time of year
November 22, 2025 at 11:54 AM
It's that time of year
Reposted by Sam
Reposted by Sam
Just once could someone make wine from my tears
November 22, 2025 at 1:00 PM
Just once could someone make wine from my tears
Reposted by Sam
Straight Outta Nordstrom
October 10, 2025 at 3:15 PM
Straight Outta Nordstrom
Reposted by Sam
The President is struggling to find a turkey convicted of financial crimes that he can pardon.
November 25, 2025 at 4:07 AM
The President is struggling to find a turkey convicted of financial crimes that he can pardon.
Reposted by Sam
I have picked an old book off the shelf to read but i can't stop sniffing it
It smells so delicious
It smells so delicious
November 25, 2025 at 12:20 PM
I have picked an old book off the shelf to read but i can't stop sniffing it
It smells so delicious
It smells so delicious
Reposted by Sam
anybody know the cutoff when kmart puts your layaway back
November 22, 2025 at 6:32 AM
anybody know the cutoff when kmart puts your layaway back
Reposted by Sam
It’s just me, this giant wheel of cheese, & my cats against the world
November 25, 2025 at 3:12 AM
It’s just me, this giant wheel of cheese, & my cats against the world
Reposted by Sam
whimsy would be a lovely name for a solar system
November 23, 2025 at 9:50 PM
whimsy would be a lovely name for a solar system
Reposted by Sam
when we're up while the bluesky folk on a different timezone are asleep
November 24, 2025 at 8:06 AM
when we're up while the bluesky folk on a different timezone are asleep
Reposted by Sam
If you’re cold, I’m cold. Bring me a side of mashed potatoes and gravy
November 13, 2025 at 6:55 PM
If you’re cold, I’m cold. Bring me a side of mashed potatoes and gravy
Reposted by Sam
How do you stay informed without going insane?
November 20, 2025 at 10:21 PM
How do you stay informed without going insane?
Reposted by Sam
It feels like a good day to make soup
October 26, 2025 at 3:18 PM
It feels like a good day to make soup
Reposted by Sam
people who relax at home in jeans should be in the front lines of the apocalypse
November 23, 2025 at 2:36 AM
people who relax at home in jeans should be in the front lines of the apocalypse
Reposted by Sam
I bet people who don’t repost drive slow in the passing lane and block grocery aisles
November 24, 2025 at 1:36 AM
I bet people who don’t repost drive slow in the passing lane and block grocery aisles
Reposted by Sam
For this holiday season I’m going to respond to all questions from my drunk relatives with various song lyrics.
November 25, 2025 at 12:29 PM
For this holiday season I’m going to respond to all questions from my drunk relatives with various song lyrics.
Reposted by Sam
God rest ye merry gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
For some songs like old Yoda talk
About that Christmas Day
Let nothing you dismay
For some songs like old Yoda talk
About that Christmas Day
November 25, 2025 at 9:00 AM
God rest ye merry gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
For some songs like old Yoda talk
About that Christmas Day
Let nothing you dismay
For some songs like old Yoda talk
About that Christmas Day
Reposted by Sam
idk about you, but i’ve never met a friendly reminder
November 18, 2025 at 6:19 PM
idk about you, but i’ve never met a friendly reminder
Reposted by Sam
BREAKING: DOGE Dissolves After Successfully Stealing Confidential Information and Taxpayer Data on Every American
November 24, 2025 at 7:57 PM
BREAKING: DOGE Dissolves After Successfully Stealing Confidential Information and Taxpayer Data on Every American
Reposted by Sam
Pills aren't enough - please sugar coat all of my things
November 23, 2025 at 8:56 PM
Pills aren't enough - please sugar coat all of my things
Reposted by Sam
tesla truck in the carpool lane like bitch you ain’t got no friends
November 24, 2025 at 6:38 PM
tesla truck in the carpool lane like bitch you ain’t got no friends
Reposted by Sam
I have nightmares that I'm going to live way longer than I can afford to.
November 25, 2025 at 2:54 AM
I have nightmares that I'm going to live way longer than I can afford to.