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Sam

@samuelhlowe.bsky.social

7.4K followers 670 following 830 posts

Newest: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:cwus5f2sle4nac62xd46k6dy/feed/aaah2fr3irsok Oldest: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:cwus5f2sle4nac62xd46k6dy/feed/aaahzzttumymq Faves: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:cwus5f2sle4nac62xd46k6dy/feed/aaalznr6tqswo

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Sam @samuelhlowe.bsky.social · Jan 31

I’ve quit telling people that I disagree with them. Instead, I now say, “I’m gonna have to agree with myself on this one.” It’s self-positive, non-confrontational, and just weird enough to end the conversation.

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Paul @grommit56.bsky.social · 6d

Life is short. Take the cannoli.

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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 3d

Don’t you just hate waking up and having to check if maybe your country declared war on anyone overnight?

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Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 21h

I had an apple on the side instead of chips, in case you're looking for potential nominees for prestigious prizes.

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 7d

I am invited to a Titanic-theme birthday party tomorrow so naturally my first thought was "I'm gonna be the band"

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Blinky McBlinksalot @shannanegans.bsky.social · 1d

If social media has taught me anything, it's that I'm not as weird or offputting as my family would like me to believe I am.

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Melicious @honeybadgermel.bsky.social · 11h

People who try to act cute when they're not irritate the fuck out of me. Cuteness comes from within.

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ficklenuts has a pair of normal entiddies 👻 @ficklenuts.bsky.social · Aug 10

I just want enough money to figure out which of my problems can’t be solved by money

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A Big Ail @kissabix.bsky.social · 9d

Oh no, sweetie, by airing everyone else's flaws, you're actually just showing your own

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 1d

Brain damage is probably my most endearing quality.

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The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 1d

upon my death i request to be placed in a clawfoot tub filled with marshmallows and suspended over a fire so people can make s’mores out of me

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Georgia the Explorer 🇨🇦 @georgiatheexplorer.bsky.social · 3d

That looks like an eye infection, not Maybelline

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 2d

*brings updated terms and conditions to a knife fight*

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Pandy Fackler 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 29d

When someone asks how I'm doing

A banner partially falling down. All you can read is "not dead still alive"

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mindi @flawdbizkit.bsky.social · 1d

*handing out gold star stickers for anyone with independent thinking

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 1d

In the Internet ecosystem, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the Shitposters who investigate laughs; and Cute Pet posters, made up of good girls and boys. These are their stories.

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 1d

Due to inflation I'll still be buying myself a little treat.

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 23h

Please sir, my shells, they're stuffed.

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 22h

Always broke can't say the same about my heart

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 20h

The heartbreak of writing a banger, and knowing you won't be able to top it for weeks.

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 19h

*Fried Day by BoneThugs-N-Harmony plays loudly

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · Aug 24

it's not that you're unlovable it's just you're no calzone don't take it personally

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · Aug 26

You want a pep talk? You either die of stupidity or live with it

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 4d

it's okay to have fun during spooky month even if you're having a whole spooky life

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 2d

Taking a break for awhile to try to figure out if anything matters anymore. Please be good to each other and don't drink the stuff under the sink while I'm gone ok 🤙

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 5d

Fuck. I wish deep vein thrombosis was as hot as it sounded.

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