River :)
@riv1085436.bsky.social
old enough to know better | any pronouns | I tuned in, freaked out, and got beaten… and all I got was this t-shirt
Reposted by River :)
Reposted by River :)
your harvest withers on the vine, playboy
December 17, 2024 at 1:11 AM
your harvest withers on the vine, playboy
Reposted by River :)
Just considered the possibility that there's a broccoli-head kid out there with a hot wife while I have no wife at all and it made me incandescent with rage
January 7, 2026 at 1:49 AM
Just considered the possibility that there's a broccoli-head kid out there with a hot wife while I have no wife at all and it made me incandescent with rage
Reposted by River :)
Reposted by River :)
asking the waiter if i can sit in the corner of the restaurant facing the wall and if they have a house dunce cap
January 5, 2026 at 12:03 AM
asking the waiter if i can sit in the corner of the restaurant facing the wall and if they have a house dunce cap
Reposted by River :)
Reposted by River :)
I always just assume people who really like olives are also foot perverts
August 15, 2025 at 7:11 PM
I always just assume people who really like olives are also foot perverts
Reposted by River :)
If I was a World War One soldier on Christmas Day and somebody scored a goal on me I would bayonet them
December 25, 2025 at 4:44 AM
If I was a World War One soldier on Christmas Day and somebody scored a goal on me I would bayonet them
Reposted by River :)
restaurants don't want you to know this but technically steak tartare is a gluten free dessert
December 13, 2025 at 6:39 PM
restaurants don't want you to know this but technically steak tartare is a gluten free dessert
Reposted by River :)
i start shaking after 30 seconds of not smoking weed
December 12, 2025 at 7:17 AM
i start shaking after 30 seconds of not smoking weed
Reposted by River :)
It makes me so sad when I see people feeling defeated and becoming convinced that they're "not living to their full potential."
Just take a deep breath. It's okay. This is actually as good as it was ever going to be for you. Like, you could not have done better. At all. You actually kind of suck.
Just take a deep breath. It's okay. This is actually as good as it was ever going to be for you. Like, you could not have done better. At all. You actually kind of suck.
December 9, 2025 at 11:19 PM
It makes me so sad when I see people feeling defeated and becoming convinced that they're "not living to their full potential."
Just take a deep breath. It's okay. This is actually as good as it was ever going to be for you. Like, you could not have done better. At all. You actually kind of suck.
Just take a deep breath. It's okay. This is actually as good as it was ever going to be for you. Like, you could not have done better. At all. You actually kind of suck.
Reposted by River :)
Me: God, what is the point of life?
God: You know how they’ll make a dog toy look like a mustard bottle or something, and it’s purely for the human’s benefit and the dog’s like buhhhh whuhhh. Well you’re the dog, and I love mustard, baby.
God: You know how they’ll make a dog toy look like a mustard bottle or something, and it’s purely for the human’s benefit and the dog’s like buhhhh whuhhh. Well you’re the dog, and I love mustard, baby.
June 29, 2025 at 9:03 PM
Me: God, what is the point of life?
God: You know how they’ll make a dog toy look like a mustard bottle or something, and it’s purely for the human’s benefit and the dog’s like buhhhh whuhhh. Well you’re the dog, and I love mustard, baby.
God: You know how they’ll make a dog toy look like a mustard bottle or something, and it’s purely for the human’s benefit and the dog’s like buhhhh whuhhh. Well you’re the dog, and I love mustard, baby.
Reposted by River :)
Key signs the Christmas spirit has inhabited you:
A sudden preference for green and red hues
Endlessly roaming shopping centre halls in search of “The perfect gift”
Confusion when uninhabited types try to converse about topics not related to Christmas
A sudden preference for green and red hues
Endlessly roaming shopping centre halls in search of “The perfect gift”
Confusion when uninhabited types try to converse about topics not related to Christmas
December 3, 2025 at 9:25 PM
Key signs the Christmas spirit has inhabited you:
A sudden preference for green and red hues
Endlessly roaming shopping centre halls in search of “The perfect gift”
Confusion when uninhabited types try to converse about topics not related to Christmas
A sudden preference for green and red hues
Endlessly roaming shopping centre halls in search of “The perfect gift”
Confusion when uninhabited types try to converse about topics not related to Christmas
Reposted by River :)
“That’s lunch…”
That’s what all the singers croon
Running on fumes at eleven
Topped up at noon
That’s what all the singers croon
Running on fumes at eleven
Topped up at noon
December 2, 2025 at 5:14 PM
“That’s lunch…”
That’s what all the singers croon
Running on fumes at eleven
Topped up at noon
That’s what all the singers croon
Running on fumes at eleven
Topped up at noon
Reposted by River :)
shifting out of first gear is downright easy
November 24, 2025 at 1:28 PM
shifting out of first gear is downright easy
Reposted by River :)
you are so far from what it means to be human, you have forgot the wild hunt for knowledge & stories, the electricity of creative synthesis, the slow, backwards, fatal fall into love. take fruit directly from the tree and devour it as though you know nothing but desire
October 26, 2025 at 12:45 PM
you are so far from what it means to be human, you have forgot the wild hunt for knowledge & stories, the electricity of creative synthesis, the slow, backwards, fatal fall into love. take fruit directly from the tree and devour it as though you know nothing but desire
Reposted by River :)
please come over and watch me freak out while I eat spaghetti in a white tuxedo
November 16, 2025 at 4:14 AM
please come over and watch me freak out while I eat spaghetti in a white tuxedo
Reposted by River :)
The lion does not concern himself with the diminishing returns of nicotine
November 12, 2025 at 1:06 PM
The lion does not concern himself with the diminishing returns of nicotine
Reposted by River :)
Black Flag my war as performed by the muppets
November 11, 2025 at 5:50 PM
Black Flag my war as performed by the muppets
Reposted by River :)
We used to drink out of the hose and go out in the woods until we experienced something that fundamentally changed the way we understood our reality
October 28, 2025 at 4:54 PM
We used to drink out of the hose and go out in the woods until we experienced something that fundamentally changed the way we understood our reality
Reposted by River :)
As an autosexual foot fetishist with no filter, I feel like I’m constantly putting my foot in my mouth
October 9, 2025 at 5:40 PM
As an autosexual foot fetishist with no filter, I feel like I’m constantly putting my foot in my mouth
Reposted by River :)
Reposted by River :)
Welcome to Dorktown
Mayor, Shohei Ohtani
Mayor, Shohei Ohtani
October 18, 2025 at 12:51 PM
Welcome to Dorktown
Mayor, Shohei Ohtani
Mayor, Shohei Ohtani
Reposted by River :)
STATLER; "This funeral is so boring, I'm jealous of the guy in the coffin! Ah ha ha ha ha!"
[Statler turns to the empty chair next to him and sheds one tear]
[Statler turns to the empty chair next to him and sheds one tear]
October 14, 2025 at 11:17 AM
STATLER; "This funeral is so boring, I'm jealous of the guy in the coffin! Ah ha ha ha ha!"
[Statler turns to the empty chair next to him and sheds one tear]
[Statler turns to the empty chair next to him and sheds one tear]